


Now we rebuild

by DarkHorse77



Series: Mass effect Universe [1]
Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Childbirth, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Fluff and Smut, Hospitals, Kink Meme, M/M, Mass Effect 3, Multiple mass effect characters and some original, Other, Post-Mass Effect 3, Post-Reaper War, Pregnancy, Shenko - Freeform, Spacer (Mass Effect)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-16
Updated: 2018-10-03
Packaged: 2018-12-16 02:58:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 28
Words: 55,364
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11819820
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkHorse77/pseuds/DarkHorse77
Summary: Shepard survived the destruction of the Reapers. Now its time to rebuild the universe.





	1. Activated her beacon

**Author's Note:**

> This has been a long term project ever since Mass effect 3 finished for the first time. Only now I have had the courage to post this online. It has many twists and turns and I keep changing chapters as I adapt. I recently added a section to overlay with my Andromeda fic.

### Chapter I: Activated her Beacon

It was clear as she prepared to fire her favourite Adas Rifle for the last time, Rhylee was not going to get out of this one alive. The Catalyst, whatever it truly was, had given her four choices. With Kaidan and the others in orbit on the Normandy, it was only really an option of one. As Rhylee stood there staring at the three open paths before her, she thought of all those she would not see again. Could she do this one final act, this sacrifice so that the Galaxy would survive? Yes. It was crystal clear in her mind, as always she must keep Kaidan and the others on the Normandy alive, she had to choose the only viable path. 

Rhylee turned away from the projection of the young boy. She had recognised him immediately as the child on Earth, he was so scared in those ducts, if only he had come... Rhylee shook the thought from her mind, images as she took off on the Normandy, those two reapers attacking. Even as she stood here now, she still tried to find a scenario where the boy could have survived. Rhylee knew in her heart that there was nothing she could have done. In those final moments she wondered why the Catalyst had chosen that form to take, it could have been anything. Why that same frightened little boy on Earth? With a heavy heart Rhylee knew it would be another question that would not be answered. She turned and looked out the windows, a final look. A smile formed on her face as she watched the united fleet fighting back. The Turians, the geth, the quarians all working together to take down the reapers. As she stared downwards, the battle was raging around her. The Destiny Ascension, passed by. The mighty ship of the Council flanked by the SSV Kilimanjaro. Both had canons silently firing in response to the multitude of reaper beams. Rhylee closed her eyes, and held her breath; Up until 2 hours ago she had kept it secret, only one other person knew and she couldn't tell anyone. As images flashed through her mind she winced as she recalled Liara's face; that one image resonating in her mind. All Liara had wanted to do was bid Shepard farewell, one last time. As she read Rhylee's mind, her face... The fact Rhylee was hiding it from Kaidan, the guilt, she did not want that pain to hurt him........

......

Liara looked at Rhylee "embrace eternity"; she flicked her head up to Rhylee, her black eyes focusing on the void between them as they exchanged information. Liara took a sharp intake of breath and cradled Rhylee's face in her hand. "Oh Shepard!" Liara's eyes glisten as she moved and placed her forehead on Rhylee's. "Why didn't you say?" Rhylee looked at her despairingly, "Don't tell him, I couldn't... please Liara, don't do this to him.... Not, not when...." Rhylee looked over towards the Conduit ascending to the Citadel. "Not now..." a small sob escaped her lips. “We both know, this... this is the end." Rhylee indicated the closest reaper to Liara, "It will be hard enough for him. With me gone. If he knew.... I don't think he would cope, not losing both of us." Rhylee's hand stroked Liara's face, and she kissed her gently on the cheek. Tears were stinging her eyes as she pulled back, "keep him safe for me... He has always had my heart and forever will."

Liara's face was etched with all the words she wanted to say, but no time to do it. The depth of her pain was tangible, the look in her eyes, far reaching. Liara grabbed hold of Rhylee one last time and kissed her forehead. "I'll keep him safe." Liara stifled a sob, "Please Shepard...... come back to us. He'll be lost without you, without both of you..." Liara glanced downwards, but looked back up just as fast. Rhylee released the tears she was holding in. She pulled Liara in close for a massive hug. Rhylee forced a smile "I'll try Li-Li." She held her tight for those few moments and then Rhylee turned and walked away, straight towards the reaper, and the conduit.

.......

As the last shot left the rifle, the resulting bright orange flash as the power channel exploded enveloped Rhylee. Instinctively she raised her arms and ducted down. Little good it would do her, as she was so close to the ignition point. It still hangs in her mind now, just on the edge of awareness, the simplicity of her action, her finger pulling back on the trigger. The pulses flying through the air, making contact with the particle generator. The absolute and total destruction she was about to unleash on the galaxy. She had decided this, for everyone. The lives that could now be pursued or lost. All because of the simple action of pulling the trigger.

As the light and dust from the explosion surrounded her, Rhylee was convinced the noise must be deafening. But, there were no sound, no light. Just nothingness. It was all so serene to her. She was enveloped into complete calmness. This wasn’t like the last time she died. That time she could hear are heart beating in her ears, see her breath misting up her visor. She could feel all hope, the drive to live being pulled out of her. This was nothing like that, this was peaceful. As Rhylee drifted in and out of consciousness, she wondered what was happening outside. Finally, the edges closed in, the darkness became complete and she drifted off into a deep serene sleep. 

\------

Rhylee looked around at where she found herself. With each breath she could feel the energy draining away from her. Slowly she pulled herself towards a pile of rubble that looked like the way to go. She closed her eyes, “I’ll rest here, just for a little bit.” She said to herself as she crawled up into a ball. "Commander, wake up. You need to keep moving. Worth it. Sacrifices made, must be worth it. I am certain Major Alenko will make a great father. Yes, Yes. A very good choice Commander. No regrets. All of this will be worth it when your back with them. Very awkward this, Commander get up!" Mordin bent down and held his hand out to Rhylee. His clothes identical to those he wore on Tuchanka. “Come. Come, get up. We must move a short distance. I had to come. Had to make sure you made it. No one else could do it. Had to be me.” Mordin continued to stare at her, “Commander, come!” Rhylee pulled herself up into the seated position. “Where are we going?” She rubbed some of the dirt off of her face, winching as pain shot down her arm from the bullet in her shoulder. "Mordin, I am so sorry. I should have found a way, I should have resolved to save both of you and the Krogan. I am so sorry". Mordin shook his head, “No. No. No time for that. Little time you have left. Must get you two to the doorway. They must find you. Save you they must!” Mordin frantically pulled at Rhylee, his arm gentle on her wounded body. As Rhylee shuffled across the debris towards the door, Mordin bleated with glee as she got closer to the doorway. “Good, good. My job here is done.” Rhylee looked up at Mordin, her body refusing to move any further. “Wait… What do you mean the two of you?” The image of Mordin in front of her started to blur at the edges, it then merged into the background, only giving a small nod and smile as it faded away.

Rhylee sat there staring at where Mordin had been last standing. "I don’t understand.” Rhylee rubbed her head, the pain searing down behind her right eye. “What? I can’t think with this headache!" The tears pierced her eyes, "Shepard-Commander,” Rhylee looked up into the darkness that surrounded her. “Shepard-Commander” the voice was louder now. “You need to get up. I cannot let them know where I am.” Rhylee wiped away the blood that had dripped into her eye. “Shepard-Commander, you need assistance, I detect life forms not far from this position." Rhylee rubbed her eyes and stared at Legion; he stood 200 meters to her left. "What?" Shepard’s brow creased as she tried to take in her surroundings. “Shepard-Commander, you need to move. I detect danger here. You both need to move.” As her mind begun to focus, her senses started to tell her a story. There was fire and smoke everywhere. Each breath Rhylee took stung deep inside her lungs. It was becoming harder to move, pain stabbed at her side. A large piece of shrapnel was embedded in her ribcage. “Shepard-Commander, you need to move. There is danger here. Your little one must survive. Shepard-Commander, you need to move. Look for yourself.” Legion pointed at her arm. "It's alright Legion, the Normandy will be here soon. We just have to wait." Rhylee leaned back on the debris behind her and closed her eyes. "Shepard-Commander, you must get up!" Legion walked forward and leaned down towards her. "Shepard-Commander. You are losing a lot of blood, you need to get up." Rhylee opened her eyes and stared at him above her. "Why are you here Legion?" Legion tilted his head to the right as if considering the question. "Shepard-Commander, I am here because you need to get up. You both need to survive." Rhylee closed her eyes again, and stretched her limbs to try and move, a sharp stabbing pain shot down the left side of the body. “It hurts too much. If I wait here they will come. They always have.” Rhylee slumped further down into the debris. Legion bent down and gently lift the Commander’s head. “Shepard-Commander, it is vital that you get up. You need help and I cannot go with you much further. You both must survive.” Legion wiped more blood from her face and tried to wake her from her slumber. Rhylee opened her eyes, “What do you want me to do?” she asked. “Activate your homing beacon.” Rhylee smiled and slowly lifted her left arm. She activated her omnitool, the heads-up display, flashed red as it read all of her stats. She had some serious internal injuries. “Shepard-Commander you need to move a few more meters, we need to make sure they can find you.” Rhylee pulled herself up and staggered towards where Legion was standing. As Shepard moved debris and metal out of the way, Legion, just like Mordin before him merged into the bulk head with a knowing nod. 

Rhylee slumped onto the floor, it was becoming more difficult to move. She closed her eyes and was overwhelmed by the smell of sandalwood. Her eyes flew open, Kaidan! The smell was his aftershave. Suddenly, she had the need to hide in the crook of his neck and just for a little while let him take care of her. Her mind flicked again to the past and remembered how he had cared for her on their last shore leave together on the Citadel. She was forgetting something, what was it? If only she could remember. The smoke made her cough, bringing on a wince and breaking her reverie. Rhylee looked down once again and stared at her omnitool. Three meters in front was a space. Rhylee pulled herself into a clearing, and activated her beacon.


	2. Sleep

### Chapter II: Sleep

The voices grew louder, the footfalls were getting nearer. "N7, please, do not worry. We have found you.” The voice was calming, hypnotic. Rhylee lay in the clearing waiting for the voices to begin to make sense. “We’re going to move you. Do not worry we are here!” The calming voice said again. A sharp pain in her arm, the cool flood of pain relief. "She can move now. Careful!" Rhylee drifted in and out as she could feel herself being moved, being carried, the rhythmic bounces that she had felt before when carried on a stretcher. “Rest here, good, good. She is alive. Come there are more, Come. Come.” The voices moved further away. Rhylee desperately wanted to tell them to stay, to check. There was something she was forgetting. If only she could remember. But the warmth of this sleep called to her, and she fell soundly asleep.

The stark lights overhead were the first thing Rhylee saw when she awoke. Lots of people laid around her in the ward where she currently found herself. A Salarian busied himself tending to the injured. Rhylee pulled herself up, "I..... Um what happened?" Confusion was evidently masking Rhylee's face. He looked up in surprise, "Oh! We won my dear, they are all dead. All dead. Yes, yes, the commander did it, the crucible worked.” The Salarian walked over to Rhylee and started to check her vitals “Not to worry, all good. Well sort of." Rhylee turned to see all the people around them. “What? What do you mean?” The Salarian jerked his head to the side “Yes, yes. We are stuck on the Citadel for a bit. This bit of it anyway. The relays are lost and as the Citadel was moved we are no longer in the Window nebula. Yes, yes, we are trapped in the Sol system for the foreseeable future.” Rhylee frowned as all the information was being passed to her from the enthusiastic salarian. She stared at the battered name tag he was wearing ‘Durorm Galan’. Durorm continued “If you were not in the sol system, you won't be for some time. Yes, yes this is true. Stuck on the Citadel, stuck in the Sol system!" Durorm continued making notes on the paper in front of him. It appeared communicators were useless at this point. Rhylee stared at the physician, she tried to sit up in the bed but found instead she tumbled sideways. The full gravity of his statement sinking in. Durorm turned around quickly, "Oh. Stop, stop please N7. Lay down. You are injured. N7, stop! You need to have surgery. Yes you need to stay, wait!" Rhylee started to wave her hand in the air, "Look, I'm forgetting something. I need to get back. I need to find it." The distraught tone in her voice, calling to Durorm. "It's ok, all will be found now settle down. You are due to go up in an hour or so." Durorm supported Rhylee back down onto bed, and took out a scanner. "Whoa....” He stared down at the display, “Why didn't you say, lay down. Yes, yes lay down. N7, I must insist that you lay down. Now!"

As Durorm started to fuss over Rhylee, he started to scan her from head to toes. "We need to move you up the list. Patch you up, yes, yes. First thing, check on your little one and try and get you back home." Rhylee stared transfixed at Durorm. "My little one?" Durorm looked up from his scanner. "Yes, you are pregnant my dear. Yes, quite pregnant at that. Let me see, yes 16 weeks." Rhylee tried to move her arm to cover her face, but winched at the slightest movement. "I... I want to go home." Durorm walked up the side of the bed. "You have done well N7. We will try and get you home. Your little one is fine, strong heart beat. Good, good." A sob left her chest as she broke through the pain to touch her stomach. "I forgot he was there. How could I have forgotten?" Durorm smiled at he looked at her IV, "Do not worry N7. Sleep now and we will fix you up. Sleep now."

"N7... Can you hear me?" The familiar voice of Durorm pulled Rhylee from her slumber. "All sorted N7, took some time to repair, but all repaired. Your little one is fine. Get some sleep." Rhylee had been drifting in and out of sleep for about an hour when a nurse approached her "What is your name? We can't keep calling you N7. Come on, what's your name?" She said abruptly, Rhylee turned her head, rubbing her eyes as they adjusted to the new beams of light being shone in her face. Rhylee tried to take in the image, to recognise the small human female standing in front of her. As she stared at her, images from the hospital on the citadel. This nurse was there when Kaidan was hurt. The alliance insignia ripped on her right shoulder. A small cut was above her left eye. Her name tag ‘Bernelle Blackard’. Although Rhylee was staring right at her she still couldn't quite focus on the here and now. Her mind was still foggy, distant, her heart lost in her sorrow, the pain of being without Kaidan was beginning to be too much. The tears started to fall once again. "My dear,” Bernelle said bluntly, “there are lots of injured here. Lots of people recovering, I don't have all day... What is your name?" Rhylee frowned and looked Bernelle in the face, she drew in a deep breath, and sighed..."My name is Commander Rhylee Amelia Shepard of the SSC Normandy SR2, alliance 5th fleet. Date of birth, 11th April 2154. Service number 5923-AC-2826." The clattering of the notepad falling to the floor was the only thing Rhylee remembered for the next couple of hours. After that it was all fussing, people running around her, bowing, ducking their heads, and averting eye contact. 

\------------------

Rhylee awoke and found herself staring at the wall of another room, she finally found herself alone. As she looked around she couldn't help but wonder what was going to happen next? As time passed she laid there drifting in and out of consciousness. The bed she was in was warm. A door in the distance whooshed open. Rhylee always like this time between sleep and being awake. Without thought she reached out to the right side of the bed, expecting to find Kaidan there. He wasn't, and more than that nor was the bed, he wasn't there. For those few seconds she had forgotten where she was. She had thought she was still with Kaidan on the Normandy. Fighting back the tears Rhylee tried to focus on the room she was in. Her shoulder was still stiff from the Marauder's bullet. Slowly she became aware of the bandages wrapped around her body. They ran from her collarbone all the way down to her waist. Confusion clouded her mind, why was the left side of her body so heavily bandaged? Then she remembered, the shrapnel wound, from when the beam hit the Mako on Earth. Rhylee closed her eyes once again. Drowning out the pain, she focused in her breathing. Without warning, her senses made her aware she was not alone in the room anymore. 

A figure stood silently by the door. Rhylee turned to the figure, "where's the Normandy? Where’s my crew?" Rhylee agitatedly started to pull at the tubes that were obviously trying to keep her alive. "Where is Kaidan? Where are they?" She climbed off the bed. The figure rushed forward, "Commander, calm down please. You have a serious abdominal wound. Please, for the sake of your baby, stop!" Rhylee froze, fear leeching through her. She slumped to the floor fighting the tubes, each of the alarms were sounding all around, and the door kept opening as more staff rushed in to tend to her. "Commander... Commander! Can you hear me?" The voice that called to her was like a calm beacon in a moonless storm. Rhylee stopped fighting those around her and turned towards the voice. "Where's Kaidan? I need him here. I need to talk to him, tell him..." Rhylee winched as more pain shot through her. "Ok, Commander, can you hear me?" Rhylee nodded unsure where she was, not trusting her senses, fear pulsed through her veins. The desire to run, overwhelming, "Stay with me Commander, listen to me. My name is Vitelea Narrinus I am one of the doctors here on the Citadel. I am here to help you. What is it you want?" Rhylee tried to see through the fog, the image in front of her was fuzzy, she went to speak and a sob left her. Rhylee grabbed her chest and fell forward, another sob left her. "Commander, you are safe now. You did it. The reapers are gone." Rhylee put her arm out to the image, "but... but so is my ship. My crew... Kaidan..." Rhylee grabbed her chest again, "I lied, I never told him... I can't... he's gone." 

The Doctor stared at the others in the room, the nurse who was there at the start shrugged her shoulders. "She must be after the Normandy. I can see if any alliance ships are nearby, get some information." Vitelea nodded. The light streaming in hurt Rhylee's eyes as the door opened as she left. Vitelea turned back to Rhylee. "Commander, do you trust me?" Rhylee nodded, not confident she could speak. "Ok, you've pulled out all the tubes that were helping you heal. Your wound has opened up, can I sort it out for you?" Rhylee nodded again as her world reoriented as she was placed back on the bed. "I... I am so sorry..." Rhylee managed to say a few minutes later. "No problem Commander. We are trying to find out about your ship." Rhylee suddenly took in a deep breath, "Oh god... Kaidan, I... I..." Rhylee started to pull at the renewed tubes supporting her, "Here we go again..." a young doctor said from the corner. Vitelea looked up, "Get out of this room! NOW!" As the man left the room, she turned back to Rhylee, "Commander!" Rhylee grabbed at the doctor’s sleeve, "Please, make it stop. I can't, I didn't tell him. I lied. Please I want it to stop. Please sedated me. I want to sleep. The pain, it hurts here." She punched at her chest. "Make it stop, please." Vitelea, smoothed Rhylee's hair back. "Ok Commander, just until you heal a bit and the monitors aren't needed anymore. I'll wake you when you’re better." With a heavy heart, Vitelea injected the sedative and sent Rhylee off to sleep.


	3. Understand

Anneliese Bryson sat staring out the window of Huerta Memorial Hospital, the turmoil of the last few days etched onto her face. She surveyed the damage around her, the right hand arm of the citadel was missing a large chunk. It was a section Ann knew was densely inhabited, she hoped that all the residents had got off in time. She can but hope. As Ann wiped the tears from her eyes she turned to see the commotion in the corridor behind. A familiar voice was approaching from the right. "I need to know that she is ok. No... No! That's not good enough. Is she ok or not?" Steven Hackett argued all the way up the corridor and headed for the secure suite at the end. "I know there are a lot injured, but without her, we all would be dead at this point so don't argue over semantics with me..." Ann ducked her head as they passed. Slowly she started to follow them up the corridor. "If you can't give me an answer then find me a bloody doctor who can... Now!" Hackett's voice started to falter as his emotions started to surface. The young doctor ran passed Ann back the way they had come, trying hard not to crumble in the presence of the Fleet Admiral. Ann watched as he disappeared through the end door. She turned back towards the Admiral and watched as Steven lent against the window with both arms and sighed. 

Plucking up the courage to ask him, Ann took a few steps closer. "Admiral... Admiral Hackett." She paused waiting for him to acknowledge she was there "I... I was wondering if you could help me?" Ann stared at him expectantly, he slowly turned to look at her. Steven stood for a few moment staring at the woman in front of him, his mind clearly searching for her name. "Oh... Dr Bryson, how can I help you?" Hackett's steel resolve returned as his features warmed to the face staring at him. Ann stepped back as she took a real look at the Admiral. His features were haggard by the last few days, not to be unexpected. The reapers had been defeated, but the all the relays had been destroyed in the process. "I... I was wondering if you had heard of the fate of the Normandy. I... I was in communication with someone on it, and I was just..." she hesitated as she thought of how to describe her relationship with James Vega. Hackett sighed and visibly relaxed. A warm smile crossed his face and he held his arm out to Ann. "On that topic I can finally be of some use. I heard that she escaped the blast. I believe she is still in the Sol system, maybe up towards Saturn. I personally have been trying to raise her, but it might take some time." He walked forward, indicating their surroundings. "Looking in that direction you wouldn't think there was ever a problem. Out there…” He pointed out of the window to the damaged ward arms, “And in there.” Pointing at the door behind him. “Go into that room... in there and you'll see the problems." Hackett sighed as he turned back to look out the window. Drawing in a deep breath, he held it for a few seconds. "I think Dr Bryson, we may have a common problem. I think it would be mutually beneficial for us to help each other." Steven continued as he stared out the window. 

"We found Commander Shepard. Alive!" Ann gasped before she could stifle the response. Steven turned and faced her. "She's in that room. And... I'm... I'm too scared to go in, just in case what I see is a shell of who I knew before. I am not ready… to lose her. I can't lose her as well…" Steven faltered on the last few words. Ann ducked her head and turned to look out the window. She could feel the sadness he tried so hard to hide, it suffocated the air between them. Steven cleared his throat, jolting her back to the here and now. "Will... will you accompany me into the room?" Hackett turned, the scar on his cheek glowed as his face was flushed by the emotions that were racing through his mind. Ann's brow furrowed as she considered his words, "found Commander... too scared... accompany me." Ann nodded before she spoke, "Of course Sir. I... I am more than happy to help. Is... Is she ok?" The small smile which lifted the corners of his eyes begun to fade. "I don't know, I... have only just got back here. The Kilimanjaro docked 10 minutes ago." Ann looked back down the corridor, "There are so many injured, so few medical staff. They must be overwhelmed…" Ann looked back towards Steven, he seemed to have aged in the last five minutes. The fight draining out of him, an unspoken guilt pulling at his reserves. "Sir…” Hackett turned and looked at Ann. “I'll go and find a doctor who can talk to you. I won’t be long."

Ann returned a few minutes later, to find Steven still in the position she left him. "Admiral... Sir.” Steven looked up wearily. “Sir… this is Doctor Vitelea Narrinus. She has been watching the commander for the last few days." Ann indicated the Doctor. "Admiral Hackett.” Vitelea held her hand out, shaking the Admiral’s hand as he offered it. “Commander Shepard is sedated at the moment.” Hackett stepped forward and brought his other hand around on top of the other. “Thank you. Do not worry on confidentiality. I am listed as family, in fact her next of kin.” Vitelea frowned as did Ann. “Shepard always wondered where her mum would be in situations like this, I’ve known Hannah for years, so it was agreed it was easier to get me. To make decisions fast… Sorry I'm rambling. Please, tell me. How is she?” He said stepping back consciously, to include Ann in the conversation. Vitelea nodded as she looked between the two of them. Hesitantly, Vitelea continued. “I will not deny that the pregnancy has made this more complicated.” She watched to see any flinch from Hackett. He remained calm and dead still. “But…” she continued, “we are pleased with her progress, and the foetus is developing well.” Vitelea indicated to the chairs to the side and Hackett sat down. “She was… she was inconsolable at one point over the loss of her ship. It’s a common sight, survivor’s guilt. We explained that it was possible it survived. But, she was insisting to be sedated. She was too emotional, and so we complied with her wishes. It was not good for her or the child.” Steven ran his hand over his beard. “What’s her prognosis?” He asked, staring straight at the turian. “We have repaired the damage the best we could. The wound on her left side was complicated, I'm not sure she'll get full feeling back in places, but I believe the Commander will cope just fine." Vitelea stood and indicated for Steven to follow her into the room. Hackett hesitated staring at the door. “Please Admiral, she won't bite! There are monitors, and tubes. But all are keeping her alive.” Vitelea said with a timid smile. Ann stared at the two of them. "Sir!” She stepped towards the Admiral. “Commander Shepard is pregnant? How... oh my god! How? She never mentioned it." Steven stepped forward and gently placed his hand on her upper arm. "My dear, this must remain secret for now, it is her business. No one else's! Do you understand?" Ann nodded in response still dumbfounded at the news. Steven turned back to Vitelea. "Will they survive?" A broad smile crossed the Turian’s face. "Oh yes, without a doubt, as I said she was sedated as she was too emotional, I think it was as you would say on Earth, a flood gate opened. She begged us to put her to sleep, to stop the ache in her chest. We felt so sorry for her, so we complied." Hackett nodded, "Thank you Doctor.” Hackett placed his hand on the door frame. “The Kilimanjaro is docked and repairs are now underway. I think as familiar faces are here we can chance waking her. Medically is that possible?" Vitelea nodded, "Yes Admiral, I will see to it."

The three of them stood silently around the bed. The monitors beeped, one with a steady beat of 65 per minute and another at 121 per minute. Steven stared at the screen clearly monitoring the baby. "Is it ok?" Vitelea nodded, "oh yes Admiral, he's very strong. He'll be a brilliant biotic, his powers are even manifesting now." Steven turned to her shocked "Is that possible at this stage?" Vitelea nodded "Oh yes Sir. As a second generation, he'll not need any implants." Steven nodded sagely as he took in the information. "It's a boy?" He asked. “My twins were second gen, both biotics…” Hackett paused as his mind drifted back in time, remembering. “Sir…” Ann asked placing her hand gently on his arm. “Sir… are you ok?” Steven nodded, “One, Mason, left with the Andromeda initiative, his husband was going, said life would not be the same without him. The other, Lucas is listed as MIA. He was on patrol when collectors hit. If only we had known…” Steven shook his head as if dislodging a painful memory. “Anyway that was a few years ago now.” He briefly patted Ann’s hand on his arm. “I assume Doctor that both the Commander and her baby are both monitored closely?” Steven said looking up at Vitelea. "Yes, Admiral.” Steven looked at the Doctor as she seemed to become agitated. “What is it Doctor?” Vitelea’s mandibles clicked in unison. “Can I ask...? Who is Kaidan?" Steven stared at her silently for a few seconds. "Kaidan Doctor. I assume is Major Alenko. Why?” Vitelea looked down at Shepard. “She seemed upset that she had lied to him.” Steven nodded and a wry smile crossed his face. “Major Alenko is the Commander's XO on the Normandy. I hope he'll be the one bringing her home... if he survived..." Steven paused, "We've been trying for days to hail the Normandy, at the moment we've heard nothing. Why does it still concern you about Alenko?" Vitelea looked downhearted as she looked back towards the Commander. "I am afraid she'll breakdown again, all she wanted was him, to tell him the truth." Vitelea sighed as she walked towards the drip and held the syringe in place. "Are you sure Sir?" Steven turned to Ann and looked back at Vitelea. He nodded, "Yes I'm sure."   
\----------------------  
Rhylee could hear the voices before she could see them. One of them was the calming voice from before. She could hear the concern in her voice, yes, it was the doctor Rhylee was sure of it. The other voices she recognised but couldn't quite place them. "Is she coming around?" Steven asked. "Yes, you can talk to her. She'll hear you even now." Vitelea replied. "Shepard, we’re here. It was a hell of a thing you have pulled off here. The reapers are gone. We won. All we need now is for you to join us. Commander, can you hear me?" Rhylee listened as she slowly became more aware of her surroundings. There were monitors beeping to her left. Someone was standing by them, tapping away as each one made a different tone. Rhylee could feel the sheets on her skin, her chest was still tight. Gently she moved her hand and tried to wiggle her fingers. "Admiral, she's moving her hand, look." Ann said indicating the movement. Steven walked forward, "may I?" indicating the space on the bed next to Shepard. Vitelea nodded and Steven sat down and took Rhylee's hand into his. "Shepard, forgive us.” His voice was hoarse. “No! Forgive me. I had no idea you survived the explosion. It was so massive, so total.” Steven held her hand closer to him. “I never expected to find anyone alive, let alone you... I should have searched for you. Sent in a team. I’m sorry… I failed you.” Ann stepped forward and once again rested her hand on the Admiral’s shoulder. “Don’t blame yourself Sir.” She said softly. Steven shook his head. “It was. It wasn't until the hospital informed me you were here Shepard that we even allowed ourselves to hope..." Rhylee recognised the voice, she slowly opened her eyes. The room was dim, they had turned down the lights, allowing her to adjust slowly. "Ad... Admiral, Sir. I... l should salute, but you have hold of my hand." A small smile crept onto Rhylee's face. "Welcome back Commander." Informally, Steven raised her hand to his lips and gently kissed the back of it. "We need to take things slow. Do you remember what happened...?” Steven paused as the monitor suddenly started to beep faster. "Shepard... You’re safe, you’re on the Citadel.” Steven said, turning reassuringly to Vitelea. “We've already come far in repairing the damage. You’re in the hospital, Doctor Narrinus here has been looking after you... and your son." The monitors increased further, "Sir... I... I am so sorry. I know that fraternisation is against the rules. I'll resig..." Steven pulled on her hand and held it to his chest. "You'll do no such thing. In times of war, in times when we faced annihilation. You can be forgiven in finding hope." The monitor's beeping noise started to slow. "I need to sit up." Rhylee suddenly said. As the others helped her up slowly she tried to focus on identifying all those in the room. "We need to be honest with you Shepard, I don't know how to say it so I just will. The Normandy escaped the blast, she managed to engage the FTL drive, but we have yet to raise her. Communications have been patchy.” Steven shuffled up the bed, pulling her hand closer to his chest. “All the communication buoys in the system were damaged. Don’t worry. We are still holding out hope that she'll make it back to us soon." Rhylee turned and stared at Ann at the end of her bed, taking in the facts Steven was telling her.

Rhylee gripped hold of Steven's hand, pain coursing through her. "Thank you Sir… for coming to see me.” She said through gritted teeth. “It's important to me. Thank you." Rhylee moved on the bed wincing as she grabbed her left side. "Commander!" Vitelea said, "You need to be careful, that wound will cause you some issues in the future. We had never seen injuries like that before. Seriously. You need to take care, do not overdo it!" Rhylee nodded as she leaned back on the bed. "You know he loves you, don't you." Rhylee said addressing Ann. "Pardon Commander?" Ann replied, "James. He’s head over heels in love with you. He asked me what I thought about him and you. Was it appropriate given how much smarter you are. He wasn't sure that being in the military and being in love was possible. I told him love is love and to go for it." Rhylee stopped as if lost in her train of thought. She scoffed. "You’re just like me. Aren't you, we’re both stuck waiting to hear if they made it. Our men, my crew MIA without us." Ann stifled a sob as she grabbed a tissue from the window sill. "Commander?" Steven asked, "We are trying our best to..." Rhylee turned to Steven, "Sir. I need to tell you, no more secrets. I have been in a relationship with Major Alenko for over three years. This baby is his. It’s a little complicated as he has no clue about him>” A look crossed Shepard’s face Hackett couldn’t quite place. “I didn’t tell him, because I didn't want him to feel the pain of losing both of us." Steven smiled, "Commander I worked that out 30 minutes ago. May I be so bold as to ask, who does know about him?" He indicated the monitor happily beeping at 125 bpm. Rhylee blushed as she turned to him, "Chakwas for the most, and then Liara. She read my mind in London. A difficult thing to hide in the end." Hackett nodded sagely, "Right. Let's get you sorted. Doctor, now she is awake is there any reason she can’t come home with me?” Vitelea starred confused at the pair. “No, it’s been a couple of weeks since the operation. All is healing well, she should be fine to go in the morning.” As Rhylee started to protest, Hackett held up his hand. “I’ll hear nothing of it. Mrs. Hackett will kill me if I don’t take you back to ours to recuperate.” Ann taped Steven on the shoulder, “How… You’re married? Since when?” Rhylee let out a small laugh, grabbing her side in the process. “He’s been married since forever, and his boys are spread across the galaxy.” Rhylee watched as Stevens features fell. “Ok, Sir. For old times’ sake, I’ll come and stay with you and Julia. But not for long.” Steven smiled and nodded. “I understand.”


	4. She may have survived

It hurt inside, a palatable pain in his chest. It was a tightening, griping hold of him. Its grasp unrelenting, he was sinking deeper and deeper. His heart begun to pound as he couldn't rise up from the despair that was around him. Kaidan sat up suddenly and tried to swallow, but the lump in his throat persisted. Why wouldn't this feeling go away? Why was he stuck playing the scene over and over in his head? He remembered so clearly running, his barriers and fields being cast about in front of him. As he shouted her name, the very essence of his soul screamed. The last image of her cycling though his mind. If only the beam had not hit and thrown that Hammerhead. If only he had been stronger. Kaidan gripped the palms of his hands, clenching his hands into tight fists. He was trying so hard to keep himself together as the scene unfurled in his mind’s eye around him.

Kaidan sat there in the darkened room, he tried hard to keep his eyes open. When he closed them the images would once again begin to flash. Why did this happen? Why was it possible? Too often he had found himself in this position, too often he held his chest and tried so hard to keep all of it in. He had laid there since the memorial, rocking back and forth. His mind lost to the grief of losing Rhylee. He couldn't place the plaque. To admit she was gone. He wasn't ready to admit that this time she was finally gone. Time drifted by without thought, he wasn't sure how long he had been sitting there, and when he had finally succumb to sleep. His dreams were haunted by her silent image.

Kaidan woke with a jolt, in the corner of his eye a flashing light rotated through red, green and blue. What was it? His mind couldn't decide. His thoughts lost in its mesmerising repeating pattern. Red, green, blue, red, green, blue. Silently his cabin door slid open, the shaft of light that came into the room cut through the fog in his mind. "Kaidan... Kaidan are you ok?" He tried not to snort back a retort as he lay there holding his chest, praying for everything to change. For the last few days to rewind and for it all to be undone. Liara shuffled forward into the room, reluctant to upset him even more. "How did it happen Liara? Why did it have to happen?" As Kaidan laid screwed up on the bed he couldn't move, except for the sobs as they pulsed through him. Liara came forward and sat on the edge of the bed. Hidden from his eyes, she prayed to the Goddess he would heal. She had seen him like this before, when they have lost the SR1, she couldn't bear to do it again. Liara sat there, her comforting hand placed on his shoulder. The tears fell as she mourned the loss of her best friend and watched as another descended into oblivion. 

Kaidan could feel Liara touching his shoulder. He held his breath and continued to stare into the darkness and waiting for it the envelop him. It was all too much... As he closed his eyes he wanted the world to swallow him whole and take the pain away. Oh, how he wanted the pain to be taken away.

\---------------------

It had been ten days since the crucible had fired. Liara and Garrus had watched over Kaidan around the clock. For some reason today, he was finally up and about and he seemed to have kicked into gear. What had changed? Liara was uncertain, but at this point, she was not complaining.

"Look, we have fantastic scientists that can help. Joker, I understand it’s not a brilliant situation. But, back on Earth we'll try and fix her. She was the one that detected the pulse. She managed to go offline before it hit. We’ll try our best, I don't want to lose anyone else. We need to bring some of our loved ones back!" Joker stared at Kaidan, the pain across the Major's face was almost unbearable to look at. The Commander was gone, and she was the love of his life. It was clear in Joker's mind that the Major remembered to breath and was now just trying to get the crew back home. All loyal to her. Joker urged his head to turn away, the pain too much to witness. He was trying to get EDI back, at least there was some chance of that... "Major” Joker turned to Kaidan, “she could have survived you know, she could be still on the citadel. There's bits of it still intact… It’s possible..." Kaidan took in a deep breath, and clapped Joker on the shoulder "thanks Joker... But we both know..." He stopped short of saying it and turned to walk out of the cockpit. 

The elevator up was as empty as his heart, how he wished he could hold her, feel her body below him again. The pain as he went into their cabin was getting deeper, going in was getting harder each time. Kaidan laid on his side of the bed, her N7 jacket bundled up into a cuddle rag close to his chest. He squashed it up into his face and breathed in deeply, absorbing her smell. The aroma was a mixture of his sandalwood and her roses. He loved how she insisted on having his aftershave with her, and how it mixed with her rose perfume. His eyes closed and images of her flashed through his mind like an old movie. Kaidan wished that he could hold her, he wanted so badly to be with her. He was going to propose when the reapers were gone. The ring sat waiting in its box, hidden behind boo's cage. He wasn't sure what she would say, but he was still going to ask. He wanted so many things, to retire to Vancouver, to see her body swell with life. The life they had made together. He wanted it all and his chest stung with the reality that it was lost. His dreams, his hopes and his heart.

\--------------

The sharp banging on the door, was like a dull thud to Kaidan as he rolled over to hit the intercom. "Kaidan... Kaidan you’re needed at the galaxy map," the clear stark tone in Liara's voice was not what he wanted to deal with today. He turned away from the intercom and pulled Rhylee's jumper close into his face. "Kaidan Alenko as your XO I am telling you to get up!" Kaidan fumbled for the intercom once again, "I'm sick Liara, go away." He was in no mood to entertain the Shadow Brokers whims today. The opening of the door a few minutes later was the only warning Kaidan had before the lights flickered on. Even in the lowest setting they hurt the back of Kaidan's eyes even with them closed. His implant had been throbbing since they left Earth. Chakwas had reassured him all his implants were fully functional, and had then told him maybe the pain was more to do with heart than the implants. 

A blurry figure moved swiftly towards him, Kaidan defensively hid the sweater under his pillow. "Now get up." Liara using a warp field to pull Kaidan out of bed and unceremoniously dumped him into the sonic shower. Liara was careful to leave the N7 sweater untouched, it was the first thing she noticed when she came into the room. She tucked the exposed arm under his pillow and turned towards the shower.

"LIARA!" The blue glow and low hum emanating from the shower was all Liara needed to avoid the Cryo blast as it shot past her face. She threw up a barrier and was ready for the next shot. Instead, Kaidan turned the corner, his black shorts hung from his hips. His gaunt features emphasise the toll his lost had taken on him. He dropped to the floor, not losing eye contact once as he went down. The sorrow and pity written across Liara's face felled him the moment he made eye contact. Kaidan knew he was a mess, but that look proved he had gone too far. What the hell was in thinking? He just sent a full Cryo blast at Liara. "What am I going to do?" Kaidan leaned forward as he rested his head on the floor. "How do I do this? Again? Li-Li she's gone and I do not think I can recover this time. I don't want to be in this world without her." Kaidan's pain echoed around the cavernous room, the pain etching deeper and darker corners as Liara stood there and watched. Kaidan remained slumped to the floor, this incredibly strong, powerful biotic, within whom all the lives on this ship depended, just remained slumped there and cried.

Liara rushed over to him without a word and held him. She held onto him tightly, fearful to let him go in case he fell apart further. That she would not be able to piece him back together. For the first time since London he cried, a cathartic soul repairing cry. He would recount later that it was here on the floor in his and Shepard's cabin that he hit rock bottom. All hope was lost to him, his purpose gone. It was also here that he found one final purpose, he resolved to get the crew home. It was several weeks travel, but he had to get them home, he had to start to climb up again. Liara continued to hold him tight, she gently kissed his head "Kaidan, you will get through this. We did it before we can do it again." The words of comfort not going far in healing his broken pieces. Kaidan looked up at the stars as they moved across the sky above. Liara continued "Do not forget she...she might have survived. Parts of the citadel is still there. She may have survived."


	5. Friends

"Shepard, I hope you like the accommodation. I was surprised you wanted to keep Anderson's old place, there are more..." Steven stopped as he looked around the main foyer, his train of thought interrupted by the awe of the place. "Well, there are other areas still intact instead of Tiberious Towers." Hackett continued as he walked around the apartment, checking each of the rooms as he passed them. "I like this," he said indicating the water feature by the exit door. "I think I'll get one installed in my house. Although too many grandchildren running or crawling around at the moment." Rhylee looked up from the kitchen, clear amusement on her face, "how many do you have now?" Hackett looked around the corner, "Oh... err, sixteen, well as of two days ago. Jonathan had another boy that makes four for him now.” Hackett strolled into the main living area, still distance as he recalled a memory of his grandchildren playing. He stopped and stared at the picture that hung over the fireplace. "I had it moved to that position the last time I was here. It was taken just before the final assault." Rhylee called across from the kitchen. "The hardest part is I don't know how many have made it. I think it's that, which hurts the most. The not knowing, whose ok, whose injured." Rhylee's voice faulted at the end, clear she was getting upset again over the Normandy being missing. She shrugged as Hackett walked over to her. "All of it adds to the doubts, you know. Will I see them again? Will they want to see me again?" 

It had just been over a week since Rhylee had moved into here, Julia had tried to convince her to stay to no avail. It hadn't gone unnoticed that she had started to wear dresses. This was a fact that was slightly messing with Hackett's mind. The small but significant bump made Shepard look pregnant. It was the first time Hackett had noticed it, as she walked across to the fridge he smirked. "What?" She mused as he continued to stare at her. "I was just thinking of the old saying 'barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen'." Rhylee looked down at her feet and smiled, "I suppose your right." She moved some old potato salad to the back of the fridge. "Commander, may I ask, how far are you along?" it was Hackett's turn to shuffle awkwardly on his feet as he awaited an answer.

Rhylee looked around from the fridge she was diving into. "Oh, I don't mind. 20 weeks." She said in a matter of fact way. ”Do you want a drink Sir, or a sandwich?" She smiled broadly at him as she looked up from the fridge where she was bent over rummaging through the contents she had just had delivered. Hackett stared at Rhylee perplexed by the news she had just revealed. He was still processing the first part of the information – 20 weeks. He had assumed she was still the first trimester, not the second. "Why did you not tell Major Alenko?" Rhylee looked at him from her new position from inside one of the kitchen cabinets, "I... it was complicated,” she said a strained look on her face. “I don't mean to intrude but you were, what 16 weeks at London. How did he not notice?” Hackett indicated towards her bump. Rhylee’s eyes darkened and she looked down and stroked over the bump that was now evident. “I don't know Sir, I had the norm, morning sickness, cravings. I so wanted to share the news but I couldn't tell him. He always worried about me. As time went on, it was clear what I needed to do. In the end I didn't think it was fair.” Rhylee looked away towards the fireplace and then continued, “It’s not I didn’t want to tell him, it’s just… Well you know... it was more than likely I wouldn't survive. I didn't want to hurt him, or cause him more pain than I already had. It took him so long to get over me when SR1 was lost. To lose both me and his baby. Well, you can imagine what that would do to him.” Hackett nodded as each of the points fell into place. Rhylee turned back to the fridge “Beer? It’s not like I can have them now is it." She smiled weakly as she flipped the top off and held it out to him. Hackett walked into the kitchen and took a cool beer from Rhylee without hesitation. She smiled as he took a sip "They're James's he left them here from the party. I hope it's alright." Hackett nodded in silence his face reflecting the enjoyment of feeling the cool nectar slip down his throat.

After a long pause, and three quarters of the bottle Hackett turned to Rhylee. "Shepard...... So you expected to die, up there on the Citadel?" As her piercing purple eyes looked at Hackett over the stove of pasta she was cooking, Rhylee answered as she always did, truthfully. "Yes sir, I did. In fact I thought I was at one point." Hackett continued to stare at her, waiting for the next bit. She continued. “I knew this was a one way ticket, don’t get me wrong little blue here.” She caressed her bump, “was not part of the plan. But, part of it he has become.” Hackett looked surprised, “You know it is a boy?” Rhylee nodded in response “Yes, the physicians at Huerto let it slip.” Hackett became quizzical “But you still went ahead with the push to the conduit?” Rhylee nodded. “There was no other person who could do it. The cipher was in my head. I knew what was needed. It was my destiny to… Well you know what I thought.” Hackett took out a stool that was resting against the bar and sat down. After a few moments of silence Hackett looked up, "Why did you think you were dead?" Rhylee stirred the pasta some more, thinking about her response. "After the explosion I was laying there on smoldering rubble, the air thick with smoke. It hurt to breath, let alone move." Rhylee hesitated, reluctant to continue, "I have seen my fair share of odd things Shepard, who did you see?" Rhylee quickly looked up, "How... it was Mordin he told me to get up, he talked about little blue, and then... Then he disappeared and Legion was there. I thought I was dead, so I just laid there." Steven nodded as he stared off into the distance. "I saw an old squad mate once, it was in the first contact war. I had been hit and went down hard. I wasn't sure what was happening but as I looked in front of me there he was, beckoning me to follow him." Steven ran his hand over his face and took another swig of the beer. "I knew he was dead, but without a doubt he was there in front of me and him calling me over. Saved my life that day." Steven smiled as he placed the empty beer bottle on the counter, "So yes Commander I have seen some very odd stuff in my life." Rhylee lent forward on the counter in front. “Do you believe they were there? I mean really there of just our brains…” Hackett traced his scar down his right cheek. “I believe they were there…”   
\--------  
Rhylee passed Steven another beer that he accepted with a timid smile “Why do you call him Little Blue?” Rhylee laughed out loud, “Well…. That’s something I have had to really hide from Kaidan.” A glint in her eye indicated to Hackett that she had yet to share this story with anyone. “Just before Earth, I felt him move for the first time. It was weird, feeling something inside you. But it felt right, like it was meant to be.” Rhylee came around and sat on the stool next to Hackett “Anyway,” she continued, “I was doing a few things that day, thinking about telling Kaidan, when I was rubbing my belly talking to him. I was in my quarters, alone and I was tapping my stomach. I was telling him about my day.” Rhylee paused, “I then got a message from Kaidan and I turned to my little one and told him his dad was coming up from his shift. He fluttered again and sent out a blue spark. It almost knocked me off my chair.” "What!? He was able to send out a biotic... “Rhylee nodded, "yep, my finger was frozen from where I had touched my stomach." Hackett wanted to ask more but the words wouldn’t come out. “Before you ask anymore, yes he is a very strong biotic. That was confirmed at the hospital – hundreds of eezo nodules. But he is a second generation biotic, probably got it from Kaidan.” Rhylee took a sip of the water she had on the counter. “My biotics are purple in colour. Kaidan’s are blue, hence I now call him Little Blue.” 

Steven placed the bottle back down on the counter, and walked across to the settee. Rhylee tensed as she picked up on his change in stance, and followed him slowly to the chair. "What's wrong Sir?" Rhylee asked as she could feel a tightness building in her chest. “Shepard, we had expected to hear from the Normandy by now.” Rhylee moved to the edge of her stool. “We are not giving up hope. It could be their comms are down, interference from Saturn, any of a thousand things.” "I understand Sir, I..." Rhylee nodded as she stood up and leaned on the counter. She could feel her breath catching in her throat, her heart starting to race. “Shepard, I don’t want you to lose hope now. We have people 24/7 sending out signals to them. Seeing if they will respond.” Rhylee stifled a cry, “But, it’s been three weeks so far.” She looked at the Admiral “have you declared them lost yet?” Hackett looked up straight into her eyes “Yes, I have.” Hackett turned away, too pained to continue to look at Rhylee’s expression. As he looked back he was surprised to see that Rhylee had moved over to the fireplace. He watched silently, listening to her. He could see the glistening of her eyes as in turn, she spoke softly to each of her friends.


	6. Alive!

Joker sat staring out the cockpit window as the Normandy was on the approach to Mars. “This is SSV Normandy, is anyone receiving this.” It was the same message he had sent out every hour for the last four weeks. He had taken to sleeping in the cockpit. Without EDI the autopilot was disabled. Joker was adamant that they were going to get home. As his eyes became heavy he sent out the same repetitive message. “This is SSV Normandy, is anyone receiving this.” The simple red indicator started to flash. From its location above his head, Jeff didn't see it at first. After five minutes of flashing, the low toned beep started. Startled awake Jeff started to search to HUD in front of him. As the beep repeated he quickly turned and focused on the little red light. “Major, you need to get up here.” The urgency in his voice resonated through the intercom. “What is it Joker?” Kaidan asked as he ran into the cockpit a few minutes later. Joker pointed to the light “We have a communication buoy that has responded to our hails. It appears to be an automated response but if we bring it aboard we might be able to use it Sir.” Kaidan smiled for the first time in a week, “That’s fantastic news Joker, get Tali and Garrus to meet us in the cargo bay.” As Kaidan ran back down to the CIC Joker turned to the co-pilots seat. “See EDI, I ……” The pang in his chest hurt before his mind caught up. Joker tried to swallow the growing lump in his throat, but it didn't move. Annoyed with himself, Joker turned back to the HUD. “Shit! Shit! Shit!” He repeated wiping the tears from his eyes. Joker thumped the display panel in front of him out of frustration. Pausing he took in a deep breath and held it. He closed his eyes as he breathed the panic away. Slowly, he opened his eyes, he looked up at the blinking light and sighed. “Soon baby, we’ll be back together, soon. I promise.” He gently caressed the panel to the side where EDI first appeared.

Garrus was head deep within the buoy, Kaidan had been insistent that he checked over the hardware before anyone did anything else. The majority of the communication buoys were destroyed by the shockwave of the blast. Kaidan was acutely aware that Liara had been hitting brick wall after brick wall in trying to get through to Admiral Hackett, or anyone for that matter. Kaidan opened the intercom, “Li-Li, we have a communication buoy in the cargo bay. It seems like a mark 4.” Garrus nodded in response, “If we can fix it maybe we can finally get a signal through.” The excited response on the other end of the intercom, reassured Kaidan that she was on her way down. The tension in Kaidan’s body was evident, on Liara's recommendation he had turned to the gym for release. Four weeks at eight hours a day, he was now more toned and ripped than Vega. Kaidan paused and looked over and proceeded to walk over to Vega’s weights. He picked up the 500kg weight with one hand and did two sets of reps with it. “Oh for fuck sake.” Kaidan threw the weight down and moved over to the front of the M44. As he stood at the front with both hands he started to chest lift the Hammerhead above his head. “48, 49, 50” Kaidan lowered the front back onto the wheels and walked over to Garrus, who was still head deep in the buoy. "You feel better for that?" A muffled enquiry rose up from the preoccupied Turian. "No. Not really. It has..." Kaidan paused as he tried to find the words. "Fuck... This is... hard Garrus." Garrus lifted his head and looked over the edge of the buoy. "We all took a beating on Earth. Shepard... Shepard may have survived, seriously she got us back from the omega rely and I thought that was a one way ticket. So did she... hey, I should... whoa... wait, that's a story for another time." Garrus drifted off as he was lost in the idea. "Look, it's not easy Major. We know, we left a man behind, two in fact and we need to go back and get them. We get fixed, go back to Earth and get them. No matter what." Garrus paused as he looked at Kaidan. "I like the beard, it makes you look more distinguished." Kaidan gave a weak smile as his hand brushed over his five week stubble.

A few minutes later, Kaidan could hear Garrus cursing from inside the buoy. "Tali, are we any further in fixing the FTL drive?" Kaidan paced back and forth, "we need to get back and I would like us to do it a little quicker!” The tone in Kaidan’s voice made Garrus look up, he paused before talking, fully aware Kaidan in this mood was not a good situation. “Major, I do not think that being curt over the intercom is going to make the drives work any faster… Or Tali” Kaidan glared at Garrus, “Garrus, I know you and her are an item now. I can cope with that but please, it’s been five weeks, and surely she could get them working. We landed on a moon of Saturn for fuck sake. We should have been home on the day that bloody thing fired.” The tension in his voice begun resonating around the room. Garrus stood and walked over to Kaidan, “I know you have had a hard time of it, the Commander, well, we all miss her. But Kaidan, we are all trying our best, please Major.” Garrus stood and wrapped his arm around Kaidan’s shoulders. “We will make it back. Knowing Shepard she’ll be at the apartment, drink beer and frying a steak. Just waiting for us to come back home.” Kaidan scoffed as he released the breath he was holding. “But, I don’t even know if she’s…” Kaidan paused as he stared at the buoy, the fight dissipating out of him. “Yeah, I suppose you are right.”

\------------------

"Come to bed my love, it is clear we cannot get through tonight. I want you..." Liara had been down in the cargo bay for the last eleven hours. Garrus had given it the all clear and he was certain he could get the buoy to transmit; At least the distance it was to Earth anyway. “I need to send this transmission.” Liara said as she pressed the send button on the latest data package. Pleased with herself she slumped onto the bed. She still didn't know if anything she had sent was getting through. As doubt entered her mind the frustration was clearly on her face. She begun to relax as his fingers traced across her ridges and down the side of her face. Liara turned and faced him, "Javik, are you sure you want to do this?" her features cautious as she asked the question. "Since the moment I woke up and saw you on Eden Prime." Javik responded within a heartbeat.

Liara shifted uneasily on the bed, the prospect of what she was about to do, made her hesitate as she laid down onto the bed next to him. “If you are not ready Liara, I am fine to wait for you. We have years now, the reapers are gone.” Liara shook her head as she pulled him closer to her, her lips pulling on his. As the biotic glow began to emanate from her "Ok...." She placed her head onto his "Embrace Eternity" As her eyes turned black, the transfer of information was instant. Liara was stunned by the information in his mind. Their bodies entwined as they joined together. In the heat of the moment the information flowed the other way, Javik begun reading Liara's mind, Kaidan in the quarters, Liara's feelings towards Javik, her fears in London..... The last communication with Shepard.

Javik took in a deep breath..... "Mine" as he rolled over and embraced Liara, his lips locked with hers. Liara's eye remained black, the transference of information continued. The instinctive behaviour of Javik took over and it was clear as Liara pulled back she was now with child. "I have wanted to do that for so long. Be with you, make our daughter, have her take on my DNA into your genome." Javik stroked the side of Liara's face, her eyes closing as the sequence of events just hit. She was exhausted. As she looks back now, that one night Liara fell into a deep sleep, encased in the arms of the man she had come to love.

It was sometime later when Liara was woken by the beeping of one of the communication pads she had tossed onto the floor. "SSV Normandy, this is Lunar base, come in please." The words were simple and to the point, Liara scrambled over Javik, as he lay sleeping next to her and grabbed the data pad. Was this possibly the lifeline they had needed. She sat up in the bed, data pad in hand as Javik sleepily moved to embrace her abdomen and kissed her gently. "Luna base, this is the SSV Normandy," Liara tapped away at the keys trying to lock the signal in. She waited for a real time response to arrive, "Oh by the Goddess, you’re there. SSV Normandy, request information exchange level 1. Officer comply to receive information." The cursor blinked on and off as it awaited Liara to type a response.

Kaidan was the only one on the ship who had real authorisation, his spectre status had earned him that right, and he was also the de facto Captain of the ship. But, after his outburst in the hanger, he had seen Chakwas and took some pills to make him sleep. He was in no fit state to talk to whoever was on the other end of the data-pad. Liara drummed the pad in her hand. She stroked Javik’s cranial ridge and gently sent a biotic pulse through her fingers. He hummed with contentment in response. Liara turned back to the data-pad and entered Kaidan’s access codes. “Confirmed SSV Normandy,” was the response and the message downloaded. Liara stared at the icon waiting to be opened so she could read the information contained within it. Her finger hesitated as the she feared its content. Her finger fell and the same icon opened out into a message

Message sent: 1st February 2187 From: Admiral Steven Hackett, Fifth Fleet, SSV Kilimanjaro.

Crucible deployment: Successful  
Last known location of Normandy: Iapetus 12th January 2187 Status: MIA  
Crew compliment: 63  
Status of Crew: MIA: 62 FML: 1 KIA: 0  
Transmit ETA to N 49O16’57.825”, W 123O7’14.655” 

Liara stared at the data feed in front of her. Her heart quicken with the realisation of what had just read. "JAVIK!” She pushed him as he laid on the bed next to her. “Javik. Get up!” She pushed him a little more “Get up...Now!" In an instant Javik jumped up alert from the bed, his reliable particle rifle poised and ready. "Whoa..... What….. What is it my love, what?" Javik looked around the room, not seeing any danger he turned back to Liara confused. “What is it?” Liara stood there. “Oh, by the Goddess. I need to respond.” Liara tapped away furiously, not pausing to look up and answer Javik’s question. “My love, you have woken me. It is obviously important the information that you hold.” Javik lowered his rifle and walked around the bed. “I am not use to sharing my bed Liara, what is wrong. I need to know.” Liara hit the send button and slumped onto the bed in front of Javik. As she looked up, tears laced her eyes. Javik bent down to kiss her forehead. “My dear. What is it?” Liara laugh through the tears, “She's alive Javik, I don't know how, but Shepard is alive!"


	7. Keep the place safe

"I cannot believe this is all yours Rhylee.” Ann said looking around the high ceilings in the foyer of the apartment. “My father loved this strip. I know, it sounds weird but it was full of life, he would come here and just watch the sky cars coming and going." Ann walked around to the TV room and sat against the bar looking at Shepard. Rhylee eased herself off the side of the chair, wincing as she did. "Are you ok? You look as if something is wrong..." Ann slipped off the stool and went over to Rhylee to support her side. "It's... it's nothing. I slipped yesterday that's all..." Ann watched concerned as Rhylee lent on the bar for extra support. “Are you sure you’re ok?” She repeated. “Yes, yes. You sound like Steven!” Rhylee replied as she sat back on the stall. Ann frowned as she pushed the coaster around on the bar. “Come on spit is out Ann. Whatever it is just ask will you.” Ann looked up and forced a smile, “I… I was going to ask, you don’t have to tell me.” She continued putting her hand over Rhylee’s “But want is the deal between you and the Admiral. You seem really close.” Rhylee smiled as she leant back on the stool. “Is that what’s been bothering you? It’s no secret, let me explain.” Rhylee indicated Ann’s drink “Before I start do you want another?” Ann shook her head, “No thanks not yet.” Rhylee nodded and then continued. “Steven and my Mum go way back. My Mum had me young, being a spacer it was always a little weird. Anyhow, Steven married my Aunt Julia, Mum’s side so he’s technically my cousin. Anyhow, when I signed up Mum always asks him to keep an eye on things. As their names were different and my Aunt always stayed on Earth, no one knows of our relationship.” Ann stared at Rhylee in amazement. “You two are related, he’s… he’s married? It still messes with my mind” Rhylee burst out laughing. “Don’t!” She said holding her side. “Your face… It’s like you had him down as a monster or something.” Ann blushed “No… No it’s just weird. You mentioned his boys in the Hospital. How many does he have?” Rhylee’s face fell a little. “He’s got six sons. But… But with this war their not all with us anymore.” Rhylee shrugged and took a sip of her drink. “Brandon is on the Cape Town. He’s a Navigator, has four kids back on Earth with Julia” Rhylee paused rubbing her shoulder as she looked up at Ann. “Jonathan is on the Orizaba with Mum. He’s her pilot. His family are on the ship with him. Mum wasn’t too happy about that, but Rebecca his wife is a brilliant doctor and so Mum took her on board as well. Sebastian, well last I knew he was on Elbrus. Kaidan knows him. Anderson had placed their squads together on Horizon some time back, although Seb isn’t alliance he’s freelance. Same as the twins. Lucas and Mason. Mase followed his husband to Andromeda and is somewhere asleep in dark space.” Rhylee stopped as the last few words caught in her throat. “Commander you don’t have too, I understand.” Ann interjected. Shaking her head Rhylee continued. “Lucas disappeared last year, last I knew he was protecting some scientists in the Hong System. He’s missing presumed dead. Steven took it hard, especially as Mason had only just left.” Rhylee’s voice quietened a little more, she took a tissue from the side and wiped her face. “That then left Christian. He was on the Alliance Council, he… he was on Arcturus Station when…” Ann stood and walked around the bar. “Commander, I’m sorry I shouldn’t have asked. This is too fresh, too new.” Ann said hugging Rhylee. “It’s ok. So many were lost on the Station, one person out of that seemed so silly…” Ann stepped back and looked at the Commander. “That’s the whole point… One person does matter, one person does count. It’s what we were fighting for…” Rhylee smiled as she slid off of the stool. “I need another drink…”

With those words Rhylee’s legs buckled underneath her and she crumpled to the floor. Ann could only stare as she begun to convulse uncontrollably, a blue biotic field resonated around her. It happened so fast that Ann, was frozen on the spot. After a few seconds, she regained her composure. "Shit!" Ann flicked on her omnitool and tapped away. "Hackett" came the response on the other end, "Sir… the Commander… she’s fitting, there's a blue ME field around her. I can’t get to her. God it doesn't look good. Sir, what should I do?" The response was muffled by the rush of movement in the background on his end. "I am on my way Dr Bryson, have you informed C-Sec?" Steven said as he was evidently running. "Oh god please come, she's not stopping." Ann huddled under the bar shielding her eyes, “Dr Bryson, can you hear me? Have you informed… Shit!” Steven's voice quieten as he turned away from his omnitool. ”Yes Major! That is exactly what I want you to do.” Steven turned back to the omnitool. “Dr Bryson, we’re coming. Make sure the medics can get in.” Ann’s omnitool darken as Hackett disconnected. She tapped away at the controls from behind the bar, opening the main door as she hid from the scene unfolding in front of her. Rocking back and forth Ann recited a pray quietly under her breath.

A few minutes later the door open and the sound of rushing feet. A young paramedic came into the main foyer. "Hello? Dr Bryson, Commander Shepard? My name is Sam Tremblay. I'm with the Huerta medical team. Where are you?" Ann looked around from the bar and beckoned Sam to come through. Sam ran around the fireplace following the sound of her voice. "Whoa... Ok...” Sam quickly assessed the area and could see the ME fields flying off of Rhylee as she continued to fit on the floor by the bar. Sam bent down behind the bar. “Hi, you must be Dr Bryson.” Sam’s kind face began to calm Ann’s racing heart. “How long has the Commander been fitting like this?" Ann looked down at her omnitool, "she... it's been... it's been 5 minutes." Sam rested his arm on her shoulder. “It’s ok. Does the Commander have a history of fitting before?” Ann shook her head, “NO… I don’t think so.” Sam turned and looked at Rhylee still convulsing a few feet away. “I’m going to go and see how she is. How many months is she?” Ann looked over to Rhylee, tears streaking her face. “She’s, Oh… She’s four and a half months.” Sam smiled as he shuffled across the floor and started to assess Rhylee, he opened his omnitool... 

"Oh, Shit!" A small blast left Rhylee’s mid rift and hit Sam on the back of her hand. "Four and half months you say, you sure? By any chance have they confirmed the kids a biotic?" Sam asked, he turned and looked at Ann who was nodding furiously from behind the bar. "Ok...” Sam turned back to Rhylee “Commander...” He flicked his omnitool to get more information, “Rhylee, can you hear me?" Sam edged forward as he attempted to get close again, the ME sparks jumped and danced over her body, forcing him back once again.

"Hello, Dr Bryson you in here?" The strain in Steven's voice was clear as he walked into the apartment. "Is that you Admiral? We're by the bar." She replied. Steven rounded the corner and all the colour blanched out of him. "Oh Shepard, what did you do?" He dropped to his knees and shuffled towards Sam. "How is she?" Sam turned forlorn towards the Admiral, "I can't get close enough to her, look." He held out his hand to show the cryo burn on the back of it. "Little Blue!" Steven said as he turned towards Rhylee, fear crossed his face. He turned back to Sam, "What's you name son?" Steven asked, "Sam." "Ok Sam, you will need to trust me on this, the Commander's baby is a little different. His father it has transpired is a very powerful biotic." Hackett glanced between Sam and Ann. He dragged his hand over his face. "A lot more than we had imagined. In fact I am not sure even he knowns.” Sam looked at Steven a confused expression across his face. “He’s got L2 implants.” Sam nodded as if the information was finally making sense. “Anyway, this little one is second generation, and err, mighty powerful as it seems." Steven turned towards Rhylee, “This might work. I saw Shepard do this the other day. Hey, err, Little Blue, I know you can hear me. We've spoken before. Your mum is really sick and we need to get near her to help. Can you please lower you field?” Steven paused, “For the love of God, please help us." Steven and Sam stared at Rhylee as the ME field around her dissipated. 

"Ok. You don’t see that every day!" Sam quickly went into assess Rhylee. As he run through the triage of assessments, he flicked his omnitool into over drive and started to administer different drugs. "Dr Bryson, was she sick at all, did she say anything? Her blood pressure is dangerously low." He turned to Steven, "that's what caused the fitting Sir." Sam said as he continued to insert an IV “we need to get fluids into her”. After a few more minutes the fitting slowed and then stopped. Ann crawled out from behind the bar, "We were talking, and she was at the bar. She got up and… Oh, oh… “Ann said waving her hands out in front of her. “She hurt her side. The left I think. She was holding it. She said she slipped yesterday." Sam immediately started examine her left side, pulling on her top he cut her t-shirt up the side. “Sorry Command…” Sam stopped as he stared at her left side. His sentence cut short by the sharp intake of breath, “Ad… Admiral.” Steven turned and stared at Rhylee "Oh, my poor dear." Sam traced the bruise it ran from her shoulder blade, all across her ribs and down to her widening hips. “It’s worse than I thought, she’s gone into hypovolemic shock. Shit!!!” Steven just stared at the bruising. "That's the side she was hit, they said it was complicated. I never imagined this. Is the baby ok?" Sam run more scans and nodded as he supervised Rhylee being put onto the stretcher. “He’s fine at the moment Admiral. We’ll need to get her to Huerta. Get her stabilized.” Steven nodded as he stood up and rubbed his hand over his face, Ann watched as the scar on his left cheek started to glow a crimson red.

Steven watched as they carried the stretcher out of the apartment, followed closely by Ann. He wanted some time to himself, time to compose himself. He walked over to the kitchen and took a cool beer from the fridge. He closed his eyes, memories of the other day flooded his mind. Rhylee had told him to treat the place like home, after this afternoon he needed to. Steven walked over to the sofa and dropped down into the seat. He took a few swigs of the beer and let the tears fall. He closed his eyes and sent a little pray hoping Rhylee would be ok. "Admiral Hackett” Steven opened his eyes suddenly and looked at the ceiling, “Admiral… Commander Shepard has informed me that I can reveal myself to you." Steven slowly lowered his head and stared at the blue spinning concentric orbs in front of him. Steven stared, his mouth slightly open as he formulated in his mind what to say. "Admiral, I am Glyph, Commander Shepard's Companion." Steven cocked his head to one side still wondering how to respond. "Glyph you say, well… hello." He finally mustered. “Is there anything I can do to make your stay more comfortable?” Steven was still confused by the VI in front of him. “Why didn’t you appear and help when the Commander was sick?” The lights swirled as if contemplating the question. “I am instructed to only appear in front of a certain list of people. Dr Ann Bryson and Paramedic Sam Tremblay are not on the list. I was not authorised to appear.” Steven nodded taking more of the beer from the bottle, “And I am?” “Yes Sir.” Glyph responded. “Who else is on the list?” Steven asked intrigued to know the answer. Glyph spun as more processing occurred. “I am authorised to interact with Commander Rhylee Shepard, Admiral Steven Hackett, Major Kaidan Alenko and Dr Liara T’Soni. I must remain hidden from all others.” Steven wanted to ask another thousand or so questions but kept it down to one. "Are you able to monitor the Commander's vitals?" Steven enquired. "Of course Sir, and many more things as well." Steven smiled as an idea formed in his mind, "Ok, Glyph if the Commanders vital waver from the norm I want you to call the medical team. Do you understand?" Glyph changed from blue to green and back to blue again, "Yes Sir I do." Steven nodded "Good, good. I want you to call Sam Tremblay specifically. Right, now I’m going to the hospital. I need to keep an eye on her." Steven walked towards the door, he stopped and turned back toward the settee. “Glyph… Keep the place safe."


	8. Up to her Cabin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has thoughts of suicide, as Kaidan struggles to continue without Rhylee. Please skip over this chapter if you wish.

Over the last few days, the Normandy had been transformed, each of the crew were re-invigorated with the recent contact with the Fifth Fleet and Lunar base. All except Kaidan, he seemed more distant since Liara told him that Lunar base had contacted them. What she hadn’t told him was in agreement with Admiral Hackett, they had kept the status of Shepard secret for now. Shepard was having some issues with blood pressure and had been on bed rest for the last few days. The last thing Liara wanted to do was raise Kaidan’s hopes and find there was an issue as they returned home. 

Liara, just like Shepard had done was actively hiding her pregnancy. It was weird as she had not seen the sense in having children, not until two things happened recently in her life. The first - Javik walked into it, and she would do anything to be with him. The second - the transfer between hers and a pregnant Shepard's mind. Both events changed her, her matron stage starting early and now she couldn't go back. Javik had been so attentive that first night when he had found her, she had cried at the loss of Shepard and with her matron cycle started she felt truly alone. He had been so sensitive, so completely what she had needed. What she still needed. Javik had not stopped fussing around her. He had agreed to keep both pieces of information secret, at least until they got back to Earth. Over the last few days it was clear that he had moved into her quarters and although they were keeping it quite, everyone knew. 

Liara stood staring at her reflection in the observation deck window. She could see the subtle changes in her markings. Changes that would become more distinct as she move further into her matron stage. She had a million things on her mind as she looked down at the latest transmission from Admiral Hackett. Shaking her head, Liara begun writing a response. Looking up again she was shocked to see the sadness in her heart reflected on her face in the glass. A shaft of light crept into her field of view. Light from the corridor momentarily leeched in and broke her train of thought. "Liara..." Kaidan paused as he waited for a response. “Liara” he reached out and touched her arm to draw her attention to him. Her small jump an indication of how focused she was in responding to Hackett. Liara relaxed as she looked up to face him. "Li-Li, I just wanted to say thanks. I have been a right royal pain in the arse.” Kaidan lent on the window, and sighed. “I am sorry for the way I have been acting." Liara smiled, Kaidan stroked the side of her face as he noted the weariness in her eyes. His fingers tracing some of the markings that were beginning to show. "You know... You know what you and Javik have, your future, your daughter... do not miss a second of it. I wanted all of that with Shepard. “ Liara went to speak and he shook his head. “Twice it has been taken from me, twice my heart was left full of the regrets of what I hadn't done, or said. I know you live for a thousand of years, I know this is a small blink in your life time but please Li-Li. Truly love Javik, love him and love your daughter." Kaidan wiped the tear from her cheek as it ran down her face. "Kaidan…” Liara placed her hand on his. “I want to tell you…” She hesitated. “I promise, you will be rewarded with so much love, and you’ll wonder just how it was all possible." Kaidan shook his head in response, she stroked his face. "Please! Trust me Kaidan!" Liara looked back down at the datapad and nodded. “Please believe me.” Liara turned and left a confused Kaidan staring out at the stars from the observation deck.   
——————————————  
"Ladies and Gentleman. If you would like to look out of your nearest window. On your port side you will see Earth!" Joker's voice over the intercom only added to the buzz on the Normandy. You could feel the excitement of all those on board. Kaidan watched as the crew busied themselves, each straining to look out the windows and see Earth as she came into view. He stood in what was the war room. A gaping hole remained on the starboard side. Force fields held space out and had kept each of them in safely. The Normandy was badly damaged, but Kaidan truly loved this ship. It had brought them home safe. Kaidan took in a deep breath as he realised he had completed his mission to return Shepard's crew to Earth. He was now free to follow Shepard. 

Joker opened the com link again breaking Kaidan's reverie. The disembodied voice indicated to Kaidan he was free to speak, to request clearance one last time. "Vancouver Base, this the SSV Normandy requesting to dock." Kaidan walked into the cockpit as static came over the radio, then "SSV Normandy, you are cleared to dock. Proceed to bay 4." Kaidan clapped Joker on the shoulder and opened the intercom ship wide. He stared out the cockpit window as he thought about his final address to the crew, "It has been a long fight to get here. You have all gone above and beyond the call of duty." He paused, trying to swallow the lump in his throat. He was unsuccessful. Kaidan turned, looking up the deck "As we descend into dock, you have earned the right to walk proudly knowing the galaxy is safer because of your actions. It has been and an honour and a pleasure to serve with each of you. Ad Astra per aspera."

\------------

Rhylee stared at her reflection in the mirror, she stroked over her bump as she spoke softly to Little Blue. "This is it little one, your dad is coming home." A single tear ran down her cheek, "I'm not sure if he'll want us. But, we'll see." Rhylee looked at her partially dressed body as it changed shape. The new scars were still red, still a little angry. She wandered if Kaidan would notice them, if he would still want her given the large one across her chest. As she stared at it in the mirror, it ran from the edge of her collarbone all the way across to her hip. That explosion did some serious damage. Luckily her cybernetics hadn't been fried as feared, she was still here and so was Kaidan's baby. Rhylee traced the scar with her finger, it bounced upwards as she felt the baby kick in recognition of the touch. She smiled to herself as she slipped into a simple white shift dress. Rhylee adjusted her omnitool on her left arm, it's bright light hurting her eyes in the dullness of the room. She didn't like the lights up too high anymore especially when she was naked. Rhylee continued with her new daily ritual, she checked her blood pressure, all ok. Next she would look at all the scars and see if any new bruising appeared. All clear. She turned once more to the window and let her long white hair fall down over her shoulders. It was new having it down she always wore it up on the Normandy. The black and red section, like a tattoo still indicated her passion as an N7. A sharp pang hit her in the chest as she recalled the anguished look on Kaidan's face. Rhylee placed her hand on the door trying to catch her breath in the process. She looked up and it took a few moments for the world to come back into focus. Why they had agreed not to tell him? Why did she feel so lost without him? The report from Liara he seemed to have lost all hope. Why had she agreed to do this?

There was a loud knock on her bedroom door. "Shepard, you ok?" There was a pause waiting for a response. "Yeah... yes I'm fine." Rhylee responded quickly. "Ok..." it didn't seem that he truly believed her, "it's time to go." Hackett had fussed over her constantly, he had not yet let her out of his sight since he had seen her collapsed on the floor a couple of weeks ago. Her blood pressure too low to send blood to her brain. Luckily Dr Bryson had called him and he was there in minutes. Initially Steven didn't leave her side for the first three days. He truly did care for her, he was keen to know she was ok, and the baby was fine. The eezo noodles located through the scans still concerned him in addition to her blood pressure. While she lay in the hospital again, his revelation that he now had 16 grandchildren was a good talking point in the early hours. She turned and opened her bedroom door, Steven stood there smiling. "Ready?" Rhylee nodded and they both left to walk to docking bay 4.

The walk to the docks was only about half a mile, but each step weighed heavily on Rhylee. Hackett was aware she was reciting something as they walked, he noticed she did that when stressed, it was on about the twentieth time he caught what it was, Rhylee was quietly repeating the Normandy's motto 'Ad astra per aspera' through hardship to the stars. Hackett smiled as he looked and saw the docks coming into view. A distance thrum resonated deep into Rhylee's soul, in instinct she looked upwards. Just as the outline of the Normandy breaking through the clouds came into view. The image caught her breath and she fought back the tears. She could feel her legs giving way just as the steady arm of Hackett was there to hold her up once again. The sight of the Normandy was bringing to a close a dark chapter of all their lives. "I said she would make it home. Your man is brilliant, he has done the impossible." Rhylee turned to look at Hackett, "Do you think our plan will work? Will he come back to us?" Rhylee stroked her bump. "Will he still want me? With..." she stroked the edge of her scar on her left collarbone. Hackett smiled, "I don't think there is anyone more destined to be together than you two. He is yours, he just thinks you’re lost. We'll put that right and it should be sorted." A dark expression crossed his face, "We understand from Liara, that he wanted to be with you, he lived a life without you in it after SR1. He knows what is coming so we can't blame him for wanting to..." Hackett couldn't bring himself to say the words. His eyes glistening as the thoughts run through his head. "We'll save him, just as he has for all these folk on the ship. Yes, without a doubt we'll save him." Steven nodded as he pulled a Rhylee into his embrace. She still didn't understand how he knew, when to hug and when not to. He always got it right. As she looked up over his shoulder she could see the Normandy clamped into position. She took a step back, Hackett looked down and placed his hand on her bump. “Stay safe Little Blue. I’ll see you soon.” Rhylee looked over to see the damaged lettering on the side of the Normandy coming into view, the hole on the starboard side. Her hand flew to her mouth as she stifled a cry. Hackett smiled, and pulled her in closer. He bent down gently kissed her forehead. "Trust me, it will work." He turned and walked towards the gangway. He had been careful to keep all the press away, and quietly nodded at Emily Wong as their eyes met. She was now editor in chief, and had been loyal to Shepard for years. That loyalty was now being rewarded. It was only fitting then that Emily was the one having the exclusive interviews later.

The sight of the Normandy docking reduced Rhylee to tears, its wounds so clear to see, the damage to parts of the hull were dented and exposed just exemplified how dangerous it had been for them and that EDI was truly lost. As a ship she had been blown up, reborn again, passed through the various relays in pursuit of Saren, the collectors and then the reapers. How painful had her limp home been? Rhylee continued to stare as the ship she called home finally came to rest 200 yards away. She steadied herself on the railing, the pain in her chest gripping, as the fear of his rejection grew in her mind. The image of disgust on his face as he learnt of her lying to him all this time. Rhylee gripped the side of her chest. Her throat burned as she tried and failed to keep the contents of breakfast in her stomach. She took a sip of water from the bottle Hackett insisted she take with her. She closed her eyes and focused on her breathing. Julia Hackett approached her, she leaned in and wrapped her arm around Rhylee, “Don't worry my Rhy, everything will be ok." her eyes reflecting the conviction in her voice. "Steven has done this before. He'll do what needs to be done." Rhylee tried to return a confident smile, but failed. Julia kissed her forehead and held onto her hand as the airlock begun to open. 

When the gangway was finally in place, Liara was the first to emerge. Rhylee stared at her, desperate to see one of her best friends after all this time. She looked different, she looked... an instinctive nod jerked Rhylee's head and smiled, 'those in the club' she said aloud as she caressed her bump. Rhylee continued to stare, her mind went through the crew, the thought of 'it must be Javik's’ seemed the most natural thing to say. Liara took a few steps onto solid ground there was no doubt from her expression that she now regarded the Normandy as her home again. Her longing look back as they left pulled at a Rhylee's heart. She continued to watch, Javik quickly followed behind Liara, one hand absentmindedly resting on her right hip as his protective nature was for all to see. A massive grin crossed Rhylee's face, which was followed by a little fist pump. 

Hackett walked slowly towards the pair a massive smile across his face and both his arms out stretched in a welcoming manner. Liara lifted her arms up to greet the Admiral "Thank you Admiral, we are so grateful for all that you have done to bring us home here. I understand…" Liara paused and looking around “it is clear that her recovery is down to your own ministrations." Hackett nodded as Liara held him close to her. She pulled back to look directly at Steven, "I couldn't tell the Major she was alive, his mental state took it hard, I do not think he would have coped with the journey back. The not knowing how she was. If anything had changed in the time we were away." Tears stung Liara's eyes, as she tried to speak. Javik stepped forward to hold his partner close and give her comfort. Hackett reassuringly nodded "You did your best Liara, please do not stress yourself.” Liara shook her head as he spoke "No Sir you do not understand. None of them know. Kaidan doesn't know she survived, let alone she is carrying his child." Hackett, indicated to Javik to take her down to the dock. "Do not worry, I will talk with him..." Steven started to walk towards the airlock, but hesitated "Oh in case I forget, congratulations to you both as well." Confused Liara looked back towards Hackett, "How... It takes months, how you can tell?" Liara now looked worryingly between Hackett and Javik. "My dear, I am a grandfather to 16, what is not known is four of them are asari. In addition I have spent the last month living with Shepard. I know." Hackett smiled, and patted Javik on the shoulder. He then continued and walked down the gang plank and on to the Normandy.

Liara walked down to the spot that Rhylee had chosen to hide in plain sight. As the remaining crew disembarked there was only the skeleton crew left. All had gladly and unknowingly walked past the commander without a second glance. Rhylee consciously counting who had returned and disembarked, 61. That left Kaidan on board. It was with a wry smile that Rhylee noted the crew leaving the ship, Garrus with Tali, James, Steve, Greg, Gabby and Kenneth. All off onto new adventures. Rhylee was pleased they could all happen, the sacrifices made, and now life would continue. "Shepard...” the voice repeated her name "Shepard" Rhylee turned dragged out of her reverie, she looked up to see Liara with a very protective Javik next to her. Their eyes met, and Liara took in a deep intake of breath. "Oh Shepard, by the goddess. You are here. Your… my heart is lost, you look..." Liara looked her up and down "fantastic....." Liara took Rhylee into her arms and hugged her as if she was too scared to let go. "Commander!" Javik arched his right eye as if assessing her for the first time, "pregnancy suits you." He let go of Liara's hand and walked around Rhylee examining her, Javik walked back to face Rhylee, "You look....... wonderful." Shepard frowned, he seemed different, “You've changed” she exclaimed. Rhylee smiled as she leaned forward and hugged Javik, much to his surprise. "Thank you Javik, for everything." Turning to Liara a dark shadow clouding her face as she braced to ask the question. "How is he?" Liara's face fell as she looked between Rhylee and Javik. "It's been hard, he has been brilliant during the trip back. Truly." Liara smiled as memories of the journey home lightened her spirit, "he really was a true leader. But, when he is alone..... I fear his heart is truly broken." Liara turned to Javik as he placed a comforting arm on her waist. "I wish I could have soothed him, made it easier." Liara dropped her head, and stifled a sniff. “I couldn't tell him Shepard, just... Just in case anything happened.” Rhylee snorted “It almost did. If it wasn’t for the Admiral…” Liara grabbed Rhylee again and hugged her. “Exactly… But you are now on the mend. Losing both of you that would have destroyed him." Tears fell silently down Rhylee's cheek as she turned and looked back towards the Normandy. She shivered as arms enveloped her again. Liara pulled her in for more hugs. "You did the right thing Rhylee, hopefully Hackett's plan will work." Rhylee nodded in agreement. “Javik!” Liara pulled back suddenly, Javik was staring at Rhylee’s bump, a blue ME field glowed around it. “Commander, your little one seems to want to communicate with me.” Javik looked confused between Liara and Rhylee. “What do you mean?” Javik walked forward and placed his hand on her stomach. “He’s anxious to meet his Dad again. He missed his voice. He missed how his ME field would make him giggle.” Rhylee stared between them. “How… How can you hear him? How do you know what he wants?” Javik looked up and stared at Rhylee, “Your son is very powerful Commander. His soul is old, you need to get to the Major. He is concerned.” Liara placed her hand on Javik’s chest as he continued to stare at Rhylee. "Oh, Shepard” Liara interjected. “Your N7 sweater. I believe it saved him. He has it in your quarters, he hides it under your pillow". Javik unconsciously stroked Liara's neck, and lent in gently kissing her. The smile that spread over Liara's face brightened her features, and went a long way to answer any questions in Rhylee's mind she had about those two. "I have so truly missed you. Are you ready to get this plan into action?" Rhylee wiped her eyes and nodded. Liara held onto Javik's hand and kissed it as if she had been doing it forever. 

When all of the crowds had dissipated, all three turned and slowly walked back towards the Normandy. Shepard walked arm in arm with Liara, the feeling that she was home again as overwhelming, even with all the damage. As they entered the airlock, Rhylee stood for a moment waiting for EDI to let them in. “She's gone…” Liara looked at Rhylee “We might be able to fix her…” Rhylee nodded as the door opened. Rhylee looked into the cockpit, the Joker’s blankets still in place. She turned and walked towards the galaxy map. “How?” She asked staring at all the damage. Rhylee stepped forward, he knees giving way, "Commander!" Javik stepped forward ensuring she didn't fall, or hurt Liara. "Are you ok?" Rhylee nodded in response, “I just went weak for a moment. My blood pressure has been an issue for the last few weeks.” Javik held Rhylee and guided her to the nearby chair.

Rhylee looked around the Galaxy map, the sections missing. “How did you all manage to get back?” She asked looking at Liara. tears were freely falling now as Rhylee brushed over one of the stations behind her. “This was Peterson’s station, did he?” Liara nodded, "We all made it Shepard" She interjected, "Kaidan brought us back. This…” she held up a piece of debris. “This… this can all be rebuilt." Off to the side Javik closed his communicator and turned to Rhylee, "Admiral Hackett has taken the Major to the CIC. We can get pass without him knowing we are here. He also told me to tell you to sit down and remember to get some rest!" Javik pointed to the lift. Rhylee stared at the door to the CIC, "He's in there now with him?" Liara nodded silently. “Kaidan is on the other side.” Javik nodded. “Are you sure we’re doing the right thing?” Liara nodded “The Admiral said he's been here before. So yes, we are.” They walked over to the elevator. "Ow..." Rhylee said with a sharp intake of breath. She quickly rubbed the right side of her bump. "Little Blue, is very skilled in movements already?" Liara hovered her hand over Rhylee "may I?" Rhylee nodded and took Liara's hand and moved it to where all the movements were "oh my.... That's wonderful." 

With a smile Rhylee placed her hand on Liara's cheek, “it will not be long for you two either.” Rhylee turned to look at Javik to include him as well." Then you'll feel your daughter move as well." Liara's eyes widened as she looked up, "how does everyone know?" Rhylee laughed, and traced the new markings on Liara face, "We love you my dear." It was clear Rhylee knew asari anatomy. "You and Javik are perfect for each other. Truly. Your daughter will be brilliant. Congratulations." Rhylee lent in and kissed Liara, as she stepped back she began to cry. “Shepard don't or your’ll make me cry.” Liara looked between her and Javik, her hand still on Rhylee's bump. "Are you sure you’re alright to do this?" Rhylee nodded even though her eyes told a million untold worries. The three paused by the elevator. "We'll leave you here." Liara said as she and Javik turned to walk to their quarters. Rhylee took in a deep breath and punched in the code to move up to her cabin.


	9. Never letting go

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the second half of Kaidan dealing with a life without Rhylee. Please note suicide is hinted at within this chapter. Please skip if you wish.

The door slid open and the smell of Kaidan filled her senses. Rhylee paused as she allowed her body to adjust to the room. She felt light headed, thousands of images flashing into her mind. Her and Kaidan, him trying not to fraternise but failing dismally. Rhylee took a few more steps forward and brushed her hand across her fish tank. The fish were still swimming, Kaidan had done a much better job than her at keeping them all alive. The familiar squeaking of her hamster Boo, made her turn and smile into his cage. There he was still running on his wheel. It was like no time had passed and nothing had changed. Although she looked down and smiled at her bump, a sure indication things had changed. Rhylee continued, further into her room, all her models were still held in place. She touched the citadel absentmindedly as images of the last time she saw Kaidan flooded her mind. His face on the Normandy as it pulled away from the explosion that had almost destroyed her. He looked so torn, so lost. Rhylee placed her hand on the desk. Steading herself, emotion flooded her body and increasing her heart rate. Little blue wiggled and kicked away as if to confirm he was there as well. "Calm down Rhylee. He's not even in here yet. Stay calm." The blue hue running over her bump, indicated their son was just as excited to see him as she was. "Not long now, be patient." 

Rhylee turned to look at the crumbled sheets on her bed, the outline of Kaidan was marked in the sheets. Her heart ached at the idea he had laid here and cried. Her chest tightened more as she looked the bed up and down. As Liara had said there, tenderly placed under the pillow, her pillow, was her N7 sweater. Rhylee dropped onto the bed clumsily, still trying to become accustomed to her changing body shape. "Ok, we're on the bed." She moved and positioned herself facing the door, taking it from under the pillow she pulled on her favourite sweater. As she tried to do it up, it protested at being pulled over Rhylee's ever expanding bump. "It needs to be on little one to bring him completely back, I think this time it will take all we have to bring him back to us".

\--------------------------

In the CIC, Kaidan was mustering the energy to move, he stared at the images that flicked back and forth on the hologrid. Absentmindedly his stroked over the citadels image that hung in orbit around Earth. "Major Alenko. A hell of a job you have done her son. Please, walk with me?" Kaidan looked up from his reverie, and quickly saluted at the recognition of the Fleet Admiral. "Sir!" As Kaidan continued to look up he saw it, an Alliance insignia on Steven's sleeve. Images of Rhylee and him together swirled in his mind, crashing the past and the present together. He recalled those last few nights with her, uncontrollably the tears began to flow. Kaidan turned away quickly, his eyes stinging as the cold recirculated air whipped around and up into his face. "I'm sorry Sir, the Normandy's air has been a little on the cold side since the explosion." Kaidan turned back, his features reset and eyes, tears free. "Alenko...take some time before coming dock side. Go get some rest.” Steven paused. “Please Alenko. Clean yourself up and refresh your mind. It's important, go up to your cabin and refresh your mind. And if you were thinking otherwise that's an order, not a request!" Hackett, could feel the pain as he looked at him, he wanted to tell him there and then, but they had a plan. He must stick to it. "Aye..." Kaidan pushed himself up off the instrument panel, "Aye, aye sir" Kaidan answered through the confused fog of his mind. He saluted again and walked away, leaving Hackett alone in the CIC. 

Kaidan found himself once again going through the motions as he climbed into the lift. As it ascended the feeling of emptiness returned, pulling as a heavy weight in his gut. By the goddess he needed her sweater. He needed to inhale her smell, just one more time. One more time before reality took her away, again. This one last time before.... the thought crystallised in his mind, before he could finally sleep, forever.

Kaidan leaned on the wall as the door whooshed open, just as it had done hundreds of times before. This time however as he walked through the door, his senses were being bombarded. It was getting harder to take a step forward. As he fully entered their cabin, the smell of sandalwood and roses overwhelmed his senses. Kaidan stopped, adrenaline pulsed through him. His mind suddenly clear, he looked around the room. Things had been moved. His picture, the Citadel model. His mind racing, who had been in his room, their room. Kaidan slowly walked forward and looked into the main part of the bedroom. Rhylee was laying on the bed before him wearing her sweater. The image ripped into Kaidan, his stomach suddenly dropping away from him. He stopped walking and grab his stomach with his left hand, steadying himself on the bannister with his right. As he stared at the image before him, she was there. His Rhylee, dressed in white wearing her sweater. As his eyes traced down her body, it was clear the white dress was announcing her... pregnancy. 

Kaidan looked around the room. He stared at the fish tank bubbling away, slowly he edged himself down the stairs. His mind racing, the sweater, his sweater, the one he wanted to, needed to hold, was straining to contain the growing life within her. His breathing faltered as even though he tried he couldn't stop it, the tears began to fall. An agonising cry leaving him as his knees gave way and he dropped to the floor. Kaidan covered his eyes with his arm, "Oh my love, my heart has longed for you so much." Kaidan dropped his arm, she was still there, "By the goddess, I now see you as I have dreamed in our bed." Kaidan stared at Rhylee convinced she was a hallucination. He dropped his head and once again looked away. "Why?" Kaidan looked up at the ceiling, waving his arms in frustration. "Why? Why must I see you?" he lowered his head and looked directly as Rhylee. “Here, today of all days, as if in the flesh, in my waking dreams." Kaidan sobbed as he let go of all his anger. He slumped forward against the bed, still addressing Rhylee, "why now? Seeing you as I do every night in my dreams. You alive, swollen with life we made, our future laid out before us. My heart... I cannot do this..." Kaidan collapsed forward onto the floor, his sobs resonating around the room.

Rhylee didn't know what to say. She just sat there and cried as she watched the love of her life collapse on the floor. As he continued to sob, she shuffled forward a bit on the bed. But, Kaidan's pain was too exquisite, too tangible. It was transferring to her, there in the centre of her chest. It caught her breath as she tried to talk "K... Kaidan... Kaidan look at me." She reached out to him, "Kaidan, please, I'm really here." Although he did not look up, his breathing faltered and the sobbing stopped so she continued "Kaidan, I love you so much, I just couldn't let them tell you. You were so far away, I couldn't tell you... Just, just in case it all went wrong…" Rhylee moved closer towards his crumpled heap on the floor. A sob left her as she tried to reach for him, but she pulled her arm back before she made contact "My love I am here, please believe me." Rhylee hesitated, then continued "They found me and I have been on the Citadel, protecting our child within my body. I am really here. I am alive. I made it, I survived.” She paused and shuffled forward some more. “You told me ‘Don’t leave me behind’ I didn’t Kaidan. I’m back and here. No matter what happens…. Know that I love you. Always."

Kaidan looked up, his eyes red raw from the tears that he shed. His mind numb, as he stared at the image of Rhylee. He opened his mouth to speak and then closed it again. He shook his head, not believing his eyes, “I love you too, be careful!” Kaidan turned away shaking his head. “No...No. Not possible." Rhylee clutched her chest as the pain increased, she could see the turmoil he was in. Kaidan continued to shake his head, an inner monologue being played out inside his mind. "You never spoke before, just stared at me. Why now? Why with child? Are you trying to show me all my dreams in one go? Just before…" The confusion on Kaidan's face was clear. Rhylee lent back, she slowly unzipped her jacket, releasing her swollen form in front of him. "Kaidan… I know this is hard, but I am here and this is our baby. Right here in me. You did this to me." She held out her hand to him beckoning him to take it. "I survived for you, and our child." She indicated down at her bump, "I promised not to leave you again, I promised my love". Kaidan stared at Rhylee her hand rested on her bump, a significant one at that. His eyes thinned, became more calculating "If you are here, on the bed and I have not gone mad I should be able to scan you, can I?" Rhylee's tears were silent as she nodded to confirm she did not mind being scanned.

Kaidan shuffled towards her, his arms out stretched. He flicked on the orange glow of his omnitool and scanned the bed in front of him. As the information started to flick on the screen, Human, Spectre, Shepard, vitals starting to appear, and.... pregnant. Everything indicated that she was there. He moved forward, too scared to touch the illusion in case she disappeared, “No… not possible. They had always disappeared before. But none were pregnant before, none had spoken before.” Kaidan spoke aloud the inner monologue that was running through his mind. Kaidan stopped suddenly, in that moment he had forgotten to breath, he held out his stretched arm. With his eyes closed he started to move his fingertips along her feet, up then her leg. When he reach her swollen bump, he traced circles around and around. Small sparks of an ME field electrified his hand. With his eyes still closed Kaidan moved his head closer. He suddenly let out the breath Rhylee hadn’t noticed he was holding, and inhaled again to take in her scent. Kaidan leaned forward, placing his cheek on her bump. The ME fields tickling at his beard as he continued to lay there with his eyes closed. Gently Kaidan pulled on the edge of her dress. Pulling it higher. His fingers danced over the skin of her thigh, goosebumps appeared as his touch moved across her skin. The tight bump, appeared to be real, her skin taunt, he brushed his lips over the bump. Kaidan took in another deep breath, emotions flooded his senses, the realisation of her being there. He gently brushed a kiss on the side, his son obliging and kicking back.

Rhylee had held her breath, waiting to see how Kaidan would react. Liara had said it was bad, but this bad. She still wasn’t sure if she could get him back from the darkness. She wasn't sure her Kaidan would come back at all. Rhylee was staring right at him, watching him intently as he slowly brushed his lips over her skin. She has so missed his touch. Tentatively, with her fingertips she stroked the whitening hairs on the side of his head. She brushed passed his ears, her fingertips following the edges of his ear as she often did when they kissed. Kaidan suddenly looked up, his brown eyes looking straight at her. His look engulfed her soul, pulling her into him. Rhylee stared back waiting for any words from him. Her purple eyes pleading for recognition. Kaidan cocked his head to the right, Rhylee could see his mind whirling with a thousand questions. He broke eye contact and looked once again at her bump, he then continued to move up towards her. His eyes returning to her. Kaidan pulled himself up onto the bed. He straddled her legs as she slowly moved backwards. He continued up past her bump, taking his face closer and closer to Rhylee’s, never breaking eye contact. Rhylee could feel his response, his erection pressed against her leg as he moved closer. He was… this was her Major, her Kaidan. He was staring at her, Kaidan was back. With his lips millimetres from hers Kaidan paused, his hand came up and cupped her face. His other arm pulling her into a cathartic embrace. As their lips came together, all of the last few weeks disappeared. All decisions she had made were worth it. Kaidan was here with her now, and she was not going to move from this spot, ever!

Their separation had been painful, forced on them by both geography and circumstance. As they came back together, their bodies crashed together, the right sleeve of her dress fell to expose her now engorged breast for Kaidan to see, his sharp intake made Rhylee giggle and throw her head back. Kaidan quickly took the opportunity to nibble and kiss the small of her neck. Her excitement grew and her aromas overwhelmed his senses. Kaidan, ripped off his clothes, freeing his want, all his desires clear. Rhylee had been ready for him the moment he walked in the room. She grabbed at his waist, pulling him closer, her fingers tracing over his chest, a new scar distracted her, "I must asked how he got that" Rhylee thought. Her lips tracing the scar as she skilfully pushed him backwards onto the bed. The moment broke just for a second as she checked her left side was still covered. It was. Without hesitation she slid onto him, his eyes transfixed on her. Good god, weeks without him, without this. She needed him, she wanted him. As her thrusts consumed them both, a new high had been reached. A new level of connection. The two soul mates were back together, as one and soon to be three. The reconnection was exquisite, nothing before had felt like this, and it was mind blowing. This was nirvana, as they both found release their ME fields combined once again. Rhylee could feel the broken parts of his heart healing. As she manoeuvred herself gently off of Kaidan, she slowly kissed every part of his body, leaving his lips until last. She watched as Kaidan drifted off into a deep sleep, it was clear his mind was confused. It needed a reboot, Rhylee stroked the side of his face. "Sleep my love, I'll be here when you wake."

It was several hours later when Kaidan rubbed his eyes as he awoke from his climax fuelled slumber. He looked around the cabin, images from before flashed through his mind. A board smile across his face, if only it was true. It had felt real, sleepily he turned over on the bed to grab Rhylee's N7 jacket, but instead felt a warm body next to him. Kaidan's eye sprung open, his heart rate doubling in fear of who was there. A body was clearly sleeping next to him. The thought of betrayal flashed through his mind, adrenaline surged through him. He turned his head slowly, fearful of who would be next to him. Two distinctive purple eyes stared back at him, concern etched into them. Kaidan pulled away as shock shimmered across his face, like a pebble thrown into a still lake. He fell off the bed and continued to shuffle backwards, away from the face staring at him. Rhylee watched as a multitude of expressions crossed his face, each one reflecting his thoughts as he stared at Rhylee on the bed next to him. She waited. He paused, his brow furrowed as he drank in the view. Kaidan continued to stare at Rhylee. He opened his mouth to speak, and then closed it. Another confused look, he rubbed his eyes and then recognition. "Www....how?" Rhylee smiled "Welcome back my love, I missed you." Rhylee held her hand out, Kaidan edged forward still with an air of mistrust and took hold of it. "How?" Kaidan asked still not truly sure of what was happening. Rhylee smiled "I'll start at the beginning, it'll make more sense. I found the catalyst..." Rhylee slowly explained what had happened since they parted ways in London. With each pause Kaidan moved up the bed, closer to her, consuming the information eager for more. 

After a couple of hours of explaining Kaidan pulled his knees up to his chest. "This is real, isn't it? You are here, alive, with me." Rhylee looked at him smiled and nodded. "Yes my love I am here" she looked down at her bump, "we are here". Kaidan nodded, clearly not fully grasping the information, "you, are here!" Kaidan turned quickly and stared at Rhylee. "You survived, and now you are here with me." Rhylee shifted positions on the bed, "Yes my love, I am here, as I said we are here." Kaidan nodded finally grasping the idea. "So, you survived, and your here with me. You didn’t leave me behind this time.” Rhylee smiled and kept nodding, “Yes my love we are here…” Kaidan leaned forward and gently kissed Rhylee on the lips. “Your here and... wait… you keep correcting me and saying we are here.” Kaidan shook his head, still trying to understand the flood of information that was filling his mind. “Why do you keep saying we? Who else is in here?" Kaidan looked around the room as if looking for someone. Rhylee smiled as she stroked his cheek, turning his head to face her. She held her hand in place as she connected with the bristles of his beard. “I like this. It suits you.” She continued, maintaining eye contact with him. Rhylee dropped her gaze to his hands. She took hold of his right hand and slowly placed it on her stomach. "We...” Rhylee emphasised the word by pressing down on his hand “…are here." She placed her other hand on his cheek as they reconnected on the bed. Shock emblazoned on Kaidan’s face. His eyes slowly following the trail his hand had just taken and stared at her stomach. His hand still in the same place Rhylee had just placed it. Rhylee poked at her side and their son obliged and kicked at Kaidan’s hand in response. Kaidan shot a look at Rhylee, realisation dawning. "A baby…” He quickly withdrew his hand, fear lancing his features. “You’re pregnant, how?" A cheeky smile crossed Rhylee's lips, "Well, you see when two people..." Rhylee noticed Kaidan was still slightly distant, resolutely she looked at Kaidan. She grabbed his hand once again and placed it back on her stomach, pulling against the resistance he exhibited. "Kaidan, you’re the father. It was shore leave on Bernstein, almost five months ag......" Rhylee didn't finish the sentence as Kaidan's lips came crashing down on hers.

Kaidan pulled back from the kiss, his hands now encasing Rhylee's face, as he stared into her eyes searching for information, his hand trailed down over her bump and his eyes followed "Does this mean... Mine?" Kaidan's fingers continued to trail over her skin, his kisses following. She watched as more expressions masked his face, all the pieces were finally falling into place. His features softening as the reality dawned on him. He embraced her once again and then suddenly pulled back, his brow furrowed and a confused frown appearing, "Wait!" he stared at her, "that means, that means that you ran into that conduit, while you were..." Kaidan swallowed and brushed his hand over her bump, "You ran into that.... The two of you..." 

Rhylee lowered her head so Kaidan couldn't see her face, she began to cry, a sob left her lips. The sound was haunting, but easily recognised. Rhylee had carried this burden all this time. She continued to cry. Kaidan couldn't take her crying, it tugged at his chest, a pain that started to rip into him. He, shuffled forward towards her and begun pulling her chin up to look her in the eyes "I never allowed myself to truly dream I would see you again, let alone have you tell me of our child growing inside you." Kaidan swallowed, "it has always been my desire to have a large family with you, only you. You took my heart on Eden Prime. You sealed it away at Ilos. When you 'died' on SR1, my heart was gone. Yet, you came back, it was you, all you, carrying my heart as well.” Rhylee could see the pain etched in in his eyes, Kaidan continued “Then before London, in this room you took my soul as well. I was a shell without you. Going through the motions, doing what was needed to get the Normandy home. I was coming here to be with you." Rhylee gasped at understanding his words. She went to speak, but he placed his finger on her lips. Kaidan took in a deep breath, and pushed his hand through his hair. Taking another deep breath and held it "I wanted to be with you, I thought this time you were gone!" Rhylee's mouth fell open, as the words cut into her like a thousand deadly cuts. She had to speak, she couldn't let the conversation continue down this line. "But… but I am here, both of us are, me and our son". Rhylee's hand traced the side of Kaidan face, longing to find him deep within his eyes. Kaidan drew her closer, he inhaled her scent, and rubbed his warm face against her neck. Their son obliged by kicking at Kaidan, and catching him in the ribs to reassure both of them he was still there.

The tears had been falling from Kaidan's eyes for some time. The clarity of that moment flooded his mind "Whoa... My son..." Kaidan took Rhylee into his arms, the blue glow emanating from him enveloped them both. "I have missed you so much... I didn't think I could go on. I couldn't live that life, the one I did for two years when you were gone. I could not go on without you. But, then you are here, I find you again and you give me so much more... I love you" Kaidan's embrace was eternal, and this time he was adamant he was never letting go.


	10. His lips

To Kaidan's surprise most of the citadel he knew was untouched by the explosion released by the crucible. It all seem normal. The keepers just kept on adjusting their consoles. Their eyes transfixed on the non-existent screen in front of them. "What do you think they are thinking about?" Kaidan asked as he held tightly onto Rhylee's hand as they walked past the Armax arena. "I'm not sure, they must have some kind of thought, and they move around, they're alive." Rhylee pulled Kaidan's hand and placed it on her side "Quick! He’s somersaulting in here, feel!" As Kaidan felt his son move he pulled Rhylee firmly into an embrace, they had finally fallen back into the rhythm of each other. Suddenly, Rhylee pulled away from Kaidan. "What’s wrong?" Kaidan frantically searching her face for some indication of the problem. She was staring over his shoulder, and slowly pointing, "That… That keeper turned and looked at us." Kaidan slowly turned and stared at the keeper some 10 metres away. Sure enough the keeper appeared to be staring at them. "Shit, that is scary. Have you ever seen them do that?” Kaidan said, holding Rhylee closer. “No, never.” She replied. Kaidan now stood between the keeper and Rhylee as they made their way back to the transit console. "Kaidan... it's moving towards us!" They both froze in place as they stared at the keeper moving slowly but determinedly towards them. Its eyes transfixed on Rhylee. About 2 meters away, it stopped. Staring at them, as if waiting for something. Rhylee rubbed her side as she was kicked. The keepers head tilting in response. "Shit! I've never seen..." Kaidan placed a protective arm in front of Rhylee. "Please, leave us alone." The keeper dropped its head and returned back to its post. "That was fucking odd." Kaidan said as they headed for their apartment faster than previously.

Rhylee's apartment left to her by Admiral Anderson in the Tiberius Towers was on Silversun Strip. Miraculously the whole strip was completely untouched by the war that had raged around it. The whole apartment complex had continued as if nothing happened. The smells were still welcoming as he opened the door, "Welcome Major Alenko, Commander Shepard. Would you like me to play some music?" Glyph said as he passed through the waterfall to meet them. "That would be perfect." Kaidan said without a second thought. He turned and held his hand out and picked Rhylee up and carried her across the threshold. A pang pulled at Kaidan's chest as he wished he was doing this as man and wife. Top priority he thought, he needed to find the time to ask.  
——————————  
“That was a wonderful meal.” Kaidan said as he finished the last piece of Key Lime pie, Rhylee had made him. "I'll take that." Rhylee said as she took his plate and walked over to the sink. Kaidan stared as she moved around the kitchen. "I've got to say Shepard, this look is very becoming for you." Kaidan smiled as she moved back towards him, wiggling her hips as she did. "Be still my heart, you undo me here if you’re not careful." Rhylee moved closer and straddled his left leg pulling him in for a kiss. "Remember Alenko, this is your fault now. I am wholly innocent in this." Kaidan burst out laughing, "Oh like that is it. Well my innocent one, you were the one who..." Kaidan broke off the sentence as his lips became entwined with hers. Rhylee pulled away, "these dishes won't wash themselves." She turned back to the kitchen and Kaidan followed, gently kissing her as he did. "Ok, ok, what do you want me to do?" Rhylee smiled, "Take this beer and go and relax. I heard amazingly there's some ice hockey on." Kaidan didn't need to be asked twice, he kissed her again and continued on into the living room. 

Kaidan paused as it felt like the last couple of months hadn't happened. It was like turning back the clock to before the Battle for Earth. He dropped down onto the sofa by the window and recalled the time they had all sat here on the settee, Vega, Javik, Jacob, Liara, Jack, Miranda, Garrus, Grunt, Joker and EDI. The entire crew, his family,

The thought of EDI pulled at his guilt that she wasn't here. Kaidan took a swig of beer and turned to look at the photo glyph had taken of the crew. Rhylee had moved it so it now hung over the fireplace, he preferred it here, much more central. Rhylee walked over to him and past him another cool beer. "Are you trying to get me drunk Commander?" Rhylee smiled, "No, I was just wondering what you were thinking?" Rhylee enquired as Kaidan continued to stare at the photo. "It just crossed my mind. You must have been a few weeks by then?" He turned and indicated their son, growing in her womb. Rhylee turned to the photo, "Yes, it was after that party I found out. 13 weeks." Rhylee said without thinking, she froze as Kaidan paused and looked at her. "You knew back then." His face contorting with hurt, "You knew then, but didn't tell me." His blue ME field started to dance across his fingertips, the corner of his eyes turning his distinctive blue. Kaidan looked away, hurt as if he had had something stolen out of his hand. "Baby listen please," Rhylee beseeched as he continued to walk around the settee. "I didn't think... It was a mad time back then. The reapers were attacking Earth, I thought we weren't coming back. I was in shock, I didn't know what to do. To let you know I was pregnant, that meant I had to admit to myself. I was your Commander." Kaidan turned the blue flicks of his field firing off, "and your lover..." Rhylee nodded as she moved closer. "I had a job to do, I know you. Kaidan, if I told you, you would never have let me go." The faint crackle of his biotics rumbled. "Too bloody right I wouldn't have. For fuck sake Rhylee. What were you thinking?" Kaidan run his hand through his hair, he was visibly shaking as he processed the information. 

Kaidan turned and headed for the door. Rhylee followed him, she held out her hand and lightly brushed the back of his hand. "Don't Rhylee, not at the moment." Kaidan turned and faced her "I mean it Rhylee. Don't! I need space. Leave me alone." Kaidan backed away further putting more distance between them. As he walked away, Rhylee felt the world under her start to slip away, she could feel everything spinning. She looked around and found the cabinet, she grabbed it to steady herself. "Kaidan... I... l didn't want to destroy you, take all your dreams and smash them. So I stayed quiet." Rhylee managed to say, in between the deep breaths she was taking to calm her racing heart. Without turning around Kaidan retorted, "You want to talk, ok then. Who knew?" He paused as another crackle sparked in the room, "Tell me, there had to have been others. So tell me Rhylee, who other than you knew!" His voice hitched at the end indicating the build-up of his anger. "God damn it Rhylee!" He threw his empty bottle across the room, Rhylee expected to hear the smash but instead came the rattle as it fell into the bin, "tell me. Who knew?" Rhylee's world was now starting to spin more and more, she clutched once again at her chest. Taking deep breaths, her heart rate was still racing faster, she looked down and placed a protective hand over her bump. "Kaidan please..." Rhylee said breathlessly. "Tell me Rhylee!" Rhylee took in a quick breath, "Well, until London only me and Chakwas." Kaidan picked up on the sentence, "So who the bloody hell found out in London, as it sure as fuck wasn't me. Tell me Rhylee." She had never seen him like this, so angry, so forthright with her. His biotic field shimmered all over his body. Fear pulsed through her as Rhylee stifled a cry. She tried to form the words in her mouth, the room around her started to dim as the walls started to cave in on her. Rhylee managed to answer "It... it... Liara." Just as all the light went out.

The alarm that went off was a high shrill, Kaidan spun round looking for its origin. Glyph seemed to appear out of nowhere. "Commander Shepard, the medical team have been alerted. Stay calm they are on their way." Fear pulsed through Kaidan as he stared at a collapsed Rhylee on the floor by the fire. "Glyph, what the fuck is going on?" Glyph turned to face Kaidan, "Admiral Hackett had programmed me to monitor Commander Shepard through her pregnancy. It was deemed necessary." Confused Kaidan rushed over to a Rhylee on the floor. "What? Why was it necessary Glyph?" He shouted. "The program was initiated 5 weeks ago when her wound reopened and caused her blood pressure to drop. I detected a life threatening situation and called the services." Kaidan pulled Rhylee onto his lap, "what fucking wound Glyph? I've not been here, what fucking wound?" Rhylee raised her hand slowly to stroke across Kaidan's face "I am so sorry I didn't tell you in London, before." Tears fell from her face as he tried to form the words, "Hush Baby, it's me who should be apologising. I am so sorry, what do you need me to do?" Kaidan scanned over her and looked towards Glyph, "What fucking wound Glyph?" Glyph started to flicker as he accessed the alliance database. "12/1/2187 Commander Shepard, mortally wounded by shrapnel to left abdomen. No charges as perpetrator deceased. Surgery performed by Dr Morgan Steele. Points to note: Significant scar on left side of body. Foetus viable and retained during operation. Expectation pregnancy to continue successfully." Kaidan turned to Rhylee, "Shit baby, why didn't you? Fuck! Glyph what's wrong with her now?" Rhylee moved her hand to cover the scar on her collar bone. “You wouldn’t want me…” she started to say as she paled further. Kaidan pulled the edge of her t-shirt down seeing the angry scar that started just below her left collarbone. “Oh baby, what happened to you?” Kaidan lifted her top and saw the other end of the scar, spreading as it stretched with her growing bump. 

“Fuck! Glyph why did you activate the alarm?” Glyph changed to a green colour, "Commander Shepard's blood pressure has unexpectedly dropped. I initiated the alarm as it dropped to 86/47." The colour drained out of Kaidan's face. "Oh fuck! Baby, this is my fault. I shouldn't have got angry. Glyph what is her BP now?" Glyph ran a diagnostic over Rhylee, "Currently it is 100/69. She should be more compos mentis soon." Kaidan sat there rocking as Rhylee laid semi lucid in his lap. "What... what happened Kaidan?" Rhylee looked up to him as she was becoming more aware of her surroundings. "I... I" Kaidan chocked back the tears "I nearly lost everything, by my own stupidity. Are you ok?" Rhylee smiled as she looked up at him, she was still very conscious of her scar, she struggled to pull her t-shirt she was wearing to cover it. “I’ve already seen it baby. Why are you hiding it?” Kaidan stroked her cheek as tears started to form in her eyes. “I should have stopped him… Anderson… He would still be here if I had stopped him in time.” Kaidan bent down and kissed her on the forehead. Surprised by his reaction Rhylee asked, "Why are you crying?" Kaidan placed his finger over her lips, "shush baby, and just lay here. The medical staff are coming." He forced a smile just as the door behind them opened and two medical staff walked in.

"Commander!" one of them said, "have you been over doing it on the treadmill again?" She laughed as he bent down with a scanner to examine her. "Hi Sam, no not this time. I just felt really faint, I..." she stared at Kaidan. "I, I was finding it hard to breath." She averted her gaze away from Kaidan, whose guilt was all over his face. "Well, let’s check you out, check on the little one and then decide what we are going to do from there." Sam smiled as the scanner took a series of readings, "it's definitely nicer doing this, this time compared to the last time." Sam smiled as he noted down some key vitals. "You haven't had any fitting this time?" Rhylee shook her head as Kaidan managed to go even paler than he already was. "No not this time." Sam smiled, "The wound on your head seems to have healed nicely." Rhylee nodded as she held her hand above her right eye, a thin red line indicating a new scar." Sam spoke quietly to the other woman and turned back to Rhylee. "Well, it looks like whatever caused it has passed. You pressure now is 110/70. Perfect. You wound is still healing, but I would recommend that you speak with Dr Michel, at your next appointment. Your little one seems to like resting on the left. I wouldn't want him to open up the scar tissue closer to term." Sam stood up “Well, you must be Major Alenko. Hello Sir.” Sam held out his hand to shake Kaidan’s hand. “All she would go on about in the Hospital was you.” Sam smiled as colour started to return to Kaidan’s features. Sam turned and accessed Glyphs controls and inputted some new data. "Get lots of bedrest or I'll come and tie you down. Understand? Rhylee giggled as she nodded back at him. "Can you help me up Kaidan?" Kaidan refocused away from the charming young man back to Rhylee, "oh... yes of course." He helped her up onto the settee next to the fire. "Thanks Sam." Rhylee said as Sam waved goodbye as he left with the other silence physician.

"Who..." Kaidan stopped himself as he was about to start another argument. He slouched down onto the chair beside her, taking her hand into his. "I'm sorry about... earlier, everything. I was just upset that you didn't tell me before... well, and not even before Liara. Especially...." Rhylee turned and looked at him, "Especially what?" Kaidan interwove his fingers with hers, "Especially as she loves you, wanted to be with you." Rhylee laughed out loud, a full belly laugh, "Oh Kaidan... you can be so... I don't know, so misguided at times. That was her infatuation with me. It was over three years ago. I told her I was with you, end of." Rhylee smiled "and given she is now pregnant with Javik's daughter, and I'm now definitely soiled, I don't think I have a chance there anymore." Kaidan smiled, he turned and stared at the flames watching the embers flicker their unique dance. "I was so lost without you. The thought of you..." the words caught in Kaidan's throat, "you and our..." he placed his hand on her bump. His breath faulting as he held back the tears. Rhylee shifted in his arms as she cut his sentence short and slowly kissed his lips.


	11. Undo

The light filtered through the windows, as a Rhylee awoke the next morning. She turned over in the bed to snuggle closer to Kaidan. He wasn't there, in fact the bed was cold. Had the last few days been a dream. Rhylee's heart started to race again, "Glyph, where is Major Alenko?" She searched the room looking for signs that he was there. Glyph appeared to her right. "Commander Shepard, Major Alenko is in the kitchen, would you like me to alert him to your status?" Rhylee stared at Glyph confused, "what status Glyph?" The image of Glyph shuddered and disappeared. "Rhylee! Baby you ok?" Kaidan strained voice could be heard as he ran up the stairs. Rhylee sat up in bed, looking at him confused, "I'm fine baby, I just couldn't find you when I woke. That's all." Kaidan crawled over the bed and passionately kissed Rhylee. His hand drifting down her lose camisole, his thumb brushing over her swollen nipple.

Kaidan kissed the side of her face as he gently pushed the long strands of her bright red hair back off her face. It was what caught his attention when she was on the ship on the Eden Prime shakedown, the stripe of red and black hair she dyed in contrast to her naturally pure white hair. She had explained, it once was black but after Elysium, it was her scar from the battle. A constant reminder. Ever since then, Rhylee always had those colours, she had claimed it was important for people to see she was an N7. It was who she was, and still is. Kaidan moved closer and kissed her forehead, he then trailed his lips down to hers and took her completely. His want clearly evident as Rhylee released him from his straining gym shorts. Rhylee loved how he always went commando, even in battles. Too often she had excited him while on away missions and she had to stand covering him until, he managed to get it under control. Rhylee pulled on his member, enticing him closer. Kaidan shifted and cupped her sex, her want dripping into his hand. "By the goddess Rhylee, I want you." Rhylee nipped at his lower lip, "I was so lost without you. Alive, but not living. Passing each day, waiting for you to come back to me..." Rhylee didn't get to finish the sentence as Kaidan kissed her vehemently. Rhylee arched her back thrusting both her breasts and sex in his direction. "Take me Kaidan, right here, right now." Kaidan hesitated, "But..." Rhylee placed a single finger against his lips. "Shush, low blood pressure is my issue, nothing else." She followed that with a kiss. The low rubble in Kaidan's throat was all she needed to proceed. As her camisole fell to the floor Kaidan was taken aback by the sight. "Mine" he groaned. 

Kaidan laid there for the next 45 minutes watching her sleep, it was fascinating to watch the life inside her move. Occasionally Rhylee would feel it and rub her side in her sleep. As she did her nose would screw up a little, stealing a part of Kaidan's heart each time? He traced the scar she feared all the way down, his tender lips kissing each part of it as he counted how long it was. 63 kisses. Her scar was 63 kisses long. It pulled at his heart, she must have nearly died with that injury. He shuddered as the thought went through him. He continued to watch her, knowing she was his entire life, her and the family they would raise together. The ring safely off the Normandy and hidden in his effects in the office drawer. A walk along the presidium was needed, ending up at the cafe they had gone to when he returned to the Normandy. It still confused Kaidan on why he left, why he did what he did on Horizon. As he listen to Rhylee breathing in an out, Kaidan tried to resolve in his head why he left her alone on Horizon. He knew it was her, his cock responded as soon as he smelt her. That hug, by the Goddess. His cock responded now as he recalled the image. He shook his head, as if swatting away a fly in his mind. But why? Why had he walked away, the deep stabbing pain in his chest resonating just how bad he felt. He couldn't place it, why had he left?

Rhylee's eyes flicked open to see Kaidan looking down at her "why, hello sleepy head. Anyone would think you had not slept in years." Rhylee smiled back, "I haven't really, you weren't there, and it felt wrong without you." Kaidan kissed her, and got up off the bed. "You need food." Rhylee found him in the kitchen placing the last piece of bacon onto her plate. "Now eat!" Rhylee tucked into the full English he had made her, it was divine. "Want some?" Rhylee said holding out a piece of egg covered bread. Kaidan swooped over and engulfed the piece, her fingers as well. He slowly sucked her fingers as he pulled away. "Not bad, even if I do say so myself." Rhylee laughed, "Glyph" he appeared to the side, "Yes Commander Shepard." "Are you ok if we invite some friends around later?" Kaidan turned and stared at Rhylee suspicion on his face. "No Commander, I was going to run some scenarios. Will you need me or would you like me to remain hidden." Rhylee looked up from her second round of eggy bread. "The latter if possible. Do I have anything on today?" Glyph shimmered again as he accessed the database, "Yes, Commander a meeting at 14:00 with Admiral Hackett, then clear for the rest of the day." Rhylee nodded, "thanks". 

She turned and looked at Kaidan who was staring at her, frozen in a thought. "What is it?" Kaidan waved his hand around as if to shush her for a minute. Rhylee went to complain, but paused as he spoke. "How is he still working?" Rhylee frowned in confusion, "What do you mean? Glyph, of course he works." Kaidan shook his head, "No, no you don't understand, he's a VI. He shouldn't work, all the other synthetics like the reapers shut down.” Kaidan pointed at him, frantically waving his arms around “Why is he still working?" Realisation dawned on Rhylee, "I, I..." Kaidan stared at Rhylee "What is it? Why Rhylee is he still working?" Each of the words hitching his desperate tone higher. Rhylee sheepishly turned from Kaidan, “Glyph, tell him.” Glyph appeared next to Kaidan, "because I haven't been a VI since EDI and Legion upgraded me. AIs are still illegal, I didn't want to be shut down, be lost, so, when EDI sent the message about the different scenarios about the crucible. I shut down and hid." Rhylee interjected “I then reactivated him when I got back from the hospital. Glyph had left instructions of how to turn him back on.” Kaidan stared at Rhylee, more secrets, but this was different. This one meant, he could undo....


	12. Needs

“Major, I am glad that you are feeling much better. In addition I am pleased to report that we have made contact with Palaven and things are not all lost there.” Garrus said walking into the apartment. He stood, cautious as he still wondered why he had been urgently called over. Kaidan walked across the room and held out a glass of Turian wine, Garrus accepted it confused, “Kaidan, you seem better since we returned last week. I was wondering what it was that I could help you with? Why you called me here?” Garrus looked around the apartment, it was surprisingly clean compared to the Major's quarters on the Normandy. "I am surprised you came back here. Surely the memories with Shepard..." Garrus hesitated, "We are still at a loss..." Kaidan smiled as he guided Garrus to the living area and the couch by the fire. “I am not sure how to say this Garrus." It was now Kaidan's turn to hesitate. "I wanted to discuss several things with you, if you don’t mind." Garrus nodded in response, turning in the chair as if expecting someone to ambush him. Kaidan waved his arms to regain Garrus' attention. "But the first… the first thing is the most difficult.” Garrus took in a deep breath, “Have they found something of Shepard?” Garrus asked concern hitching his sub-vocals a little higher than normal. “Well…” Garrus cocked his head to the side as Kaidan walked around the fireplace into the bar area. "Major, please. Have you heard anything of Shepard?" Kaidan returned a few moments later with Rhylee holding his hand.

Garrus stood up from the chair, his wine falling silently from his grasp. He stood staring at the Commander, he then slowly started to clap. “Well that’s pretty damn impressive Commander. You made it." He let out a hearty laugh, "I didn't doubt you for a second.” Garrus walked forward his arms out stretched ready to embrace the Commander. Rhylee stepped from behind Kaidan and fell into her best friend's arms. “Whoa… Shepard!" Garrus said pushing her to arm’s length from him. "You err... I... you’ve been cooking while we’ve been away.” Rhylee pulled him back in and held him close. “Hi Garrus. I missed…” Rhylee forced a smile as he embraced her. Garrus lent down and kissed the top of her head, instantly she relaxed into his arms. Garrus held on as if this was the last time he was going to see her. They stood there for seemed like an age. As he finally let go he pulled back, astonishment was still evident on his face. “How did you make it out Shepard?” With a smile Rhylee regaled the story to a nodding Garrus. She explain all of it since they parted company in London. 

“And this little one I assume is the product of…” He placed his hand on her stomach and the blue ME field enveloped his hand. “Hey, you never told me he could do that!” Kaidan interjected. “Oh, they think it was because of him and his abilities that I survived. His ME field held me together, that and my armour.” Rhylee looked between Garrus and Kaidan, “I was on Earth for a few days, while staying with Hackett. It was before we had managed to get hold of you." Rhylee paused as she tried not to cry. "The downside of pregnancy - emotions!" She forced a grin and continued. "There was this one night, a massive thunderstorm rolled in, the rain was falling all night. I just sat on the veranda and spoke to the stars. I wanted this moment so much..." Kaidan bent down and held Rhylee as she cried into his chest. "We are all here now. You’re almost..." Kaidan stopped the sentence, "Do you want to tell him?" Rhylee nodded. "I didn't get out Scott free. I... Umm... Look." Rhylee lifted her shirt to show the bruising and scar down her left side. "Like I said, it almost killed me. But, been there, done that!" She smirked as the line left her lips. Garrus stared as she revealed her scar. "God damn Shepard, you always have to compete don't you!" Garrus laughed, and the somber tension in the room eased. Rhylee looked at the two, "You both seem fine with this." She indicated her scar, "how come?” As both men stood staring at her, she waited patiently for an answer. The two of them looked at each other, and unspoken conversation evident. “It’s quite simple. We would have given anything for you to have survived and be with us. We wanted you with us on the Normandy. Now you’re here. Carrying the Major’s child, of that there is no doubt.” Garrus looked down at his hand, icicles hung from each of his fingertips. “You’re not mad at me?” Rhylee asked sheepishly. “Shepard, I made it clear some time ago I was by your side, no matter what. I made a promise to keep you and everyone around you safe. Now, that includes this little frosty one.” Garrus smiled as he turned to Kaidan. “Now, that surprise is over, why else did I get called over by an urgent cryptic message?” Kaidan stepped forward and put his arm between Rhylee and Garrus. The gesture did not go unnoticed, but Rhylee thought she would leave that until later. “I’m going to go and get some rest.” Rhylee said, “Ok…” Kaidan quickly responded, “Wait” in rushed back to see her “are you ok?” the concern was clear for her to see. “Yes, I’m fine I just wanted to go and get some rest. Join me later?” Kaidan smiled and kissed her "Maybe..." he said as he returned to his conversation with Garrus.

“So, do you think it is possible?” Kaidan asked in a low tone. “And Shepard did that without telling anyone?” Garrus asked still processing the information. “Well, obviously some others knew, but yeah basically she went ahead and did it without…” Kaidan stopped as he looked over Garrus’ shoulder and saw Rhylee coming to join them in front of the fire. “Shepard, are you up for some company tonight?” Garrus enquired. Rhylee nodded as she flopped down into the chair. She smiled as she put her feet up and turned to the two of them as they sat staring at her. "You know Tali is going to kill you don't you." Garrus said as he took another sip from his fourth glass of wine. "I know." Rhylee shuffled uncomfortably on the chair. Kaidan walked across the room, lifted her feet onto his lap and started massaging them. "Does this help?" Rhylee smiled as he soothed away the aches in her back and side. "It's... wonderful!" She smiled as she looked at the picture over the fire. "Shit! Kaidan!" He dropped her foot instantly, "what? You ok?" Rhylee looked at him disgruntled "why did you stop?" Kaidan picked her foot up confused. He resumed massaging. "Kaidan, I need to see Steve. Before tonight. It's really important, please." Rhylee fluttered her eyelids at him. "Kaidan do you think you could ask him to come over?" Kaidan looked between Garrus and Rhylee, "what now?" As Rhylee nodded, he flicked his omnitool and opened a link to Steve. 

It was about 20 minutes later Kaidan went to the door and let Steve in. "Come in Lieutenant," Kaidan gestured Steve into the apartment. "I needed to have a conversation with you if possible?" Kaidan indicated an empty chair next to a now sleeping Garrus. "Oh, don't mind him. He's had a few too many." Steve looked over the apartment and focused on the photo. "These were good times Sir." Kaidan nodded, "Yes that they were." Steve frowned, "Sir, have you been drinking?" Concern laced Steve's question. "Have I been drinking?" Kaidan asked himself, "Have I... been... drinking?" Kaidan flopped onto the sofa and giggled to himself. "Help yourself to the Turian wine, its powerfullll..." Kaidan slurred as he slid off the chair onto the floor. Steve stared at him lost in the moment, "Sir, was there a reason..." "He called because of me." Rhylee walked forward and stood in front of him. "They have been celebrating. It's a thing they do. The last time they did this was just before Ilos on the SR1. Kaidan and I had... Well you can guess what we had been doing." She indicated the developing bump with her hands. Steve went to step forward, but hesitated, speechless. Rhylee could see the questions swirling around in his head, as an inner monologue unfolded Rhylee stepped forward and pulled Steve into her embrace. As his eyes widened, Steve wrapped his arms around her, his responding embrace brought Rhylee to tears. He pushed her back to arm’s length just as Garrus had, "You made it... Shepard, I... I... I am..." He quickly pulled her back into his embrace. "Your here..." Steve stepped back again staring at Rhylee. "You... made... it!" Steve could feel his heart racing, "Tell me... Tell me... How? How did you survive?" Rhylee led Steve to the lounge and sat down next to her best friend. She then regaled him with the events since London. Steve grinned as he heard about her treatment and how Hackett had been brilliant. As she brought him up to date as he bent down and kissed her bump. "God I missed you Shepard!" They talked for hours as Rhylee held him close, "I think Garrus and Kaidan had too much celebratory drinks, don't you think?" Steve smiled, "Too right." Rhylee turned and looked at Steve. "I am so pleased you chose to stay with us." Steve pulled Rhylee into his shoulder, "So am I Shepard, so am I." 

"Commander, how did you manage to hide it from us?" The look of bemusement on Jacob's face was something Rhylee was becoming accustomed to over the last few days. "I didn't....well I did at first. They would never have let me lead the assault on Earth otherwise. But also it never came up to be honest, the reapers were destroying the entire galaxy, they attacked Earth. I did not think I was going to make the week, let alone nine months. It was my secret, and I was taking it to the grave" Rhylee turned towards the kitchen area to look longingly at Kaidan; as if she had walked up and tapped him, Kaidan looked up and gave Rhylee the biggest heartfelt grin you could ever see. On returning the smile Rhylee turned back to Jacob "I know now, I was also being incredibly selfish. You see, this way I had a part of Kaidan with me. He was with me, as he promised until the very end." Rhylee looked back to the kitchen, confusion crossing her face as Kaidan wasn't where she expected him to be. She quickly scanned the room, feeling her heart rate increasing again. "Kaidan!" the desperate tone in her voice making Garrus look up from his conversation with Tali. "I'm here baby, what's wrong?" Rhylee let go of the breath she was holding as she hadn't noticed that Kaidan had joined them. He lent in and kissed her forehead. "You need to stop worrying my love. I'm not going anywhere. Do you understand?" Kaidan pulled her into his embrace, "you are silly about this." 

Garrus walked over and placed his reassuring hand on her shoulder, "What's wrong Shepard? Major?" He looked to Kaidan for the answer. "A few days ago, we had..." Rhylee silenced him, "No, I dreamt that he left. That he didn't want...” she faltered on the words. "She thinks I don't want her or the baby." Garrus burst out laughing "My God Shepard, there is nothing further from the truth. He is yours and always will be." Kaidan frowned at the comment, but nodded in agreement. "Thanks Garrus, err I think." "No worries Major. I'll always have both of your backs." He bends down to Rhylee's bump. "And you little one." Garrus smiled as he turned and looked at Tali. She was engrossed in a conversation with Greg Adams. Garrus tried to work out the context of the conversation but all he gain was Tali kept telling him to 'go for it'. Garrus walked back over to her, he kissed her face mask gently. "And what may I ask Greg are you to go for?" Greg blushed as he looked at Garrus, the Turian immediately regretting asking. "I... err... was that the door?" Garrus turned away giving Tali the 'we'll talk later look'. 

The door rung again, indicating more guest arriving. "I'll get it" Steve said as he jumped over the settee to open the door. Greg watching every move Steve made, as he eagerly opened the door. "Esteban! How are you my friend?" James' warm welcome to Steve made Rhylee look up. As she watched them hug, Rhylee caught the eye of Greg, who looked down as the warm welcome James gave Steve. Rhylee frowned at Greg, he shook his head and turned away. Rhylee looked back at James, “James, you’re alone? Where's?" Rhylee asked, James shot her a look. "You know me Lola, a one man show. Who would I bring with me?" Kaidan looked puzzled as tried to work out why Rhylee asked James the question. "James, do you want a beer?" Garrus ask d as he walked towards him from the kitchen a beer outstretched in his hand. "I thought you would never offer. Thanks my man." James smiled and hug Garrus as they welcomed each other. "Come, have some food..." Garrus led James into the living area and they took a seat next to each other.

Jacob shuffled uncomfortably on his chair, his attention remaining on Kaidan as he walked around the room. "Jacob, how is Brynn? Jacob! Are you all ready for the arrival?" Rhylee asked as she noticed his distant stare. He came back to the conversation, breaking his hardened look at Kaidan. "She fine thanks Shepard, only a few weeks left now. We want to have her on Earth so Brynn is staying with her parents in New York." Rhylee smiled as she saw how hard he was trying with Kaidan, "are you staying with them?" Kaidan asked oblivious to Jacob's issue with him. "Yes, I am. She's the love of my life and I wouldn't dare walk away or abandon her." Rhylee glared at Jacob, "Well I'm pleased to hear that." Rhylee interjected as Kaidan went to ask what he meant. "Jacob, not now. This is a celebration." Rhylee said as Jacob stood up and tried to push her out the way. "Whoa, my man, not cool." James was at a Rhylee's side in an instant, he supported her arm as he guided her back to a chair. "Calm down man." He looked up and say Kaidan surrounded by a halo of blue. "I think I need a drink, Jacob do you want one?" James grabbed hold of Jacob and dragged him into the kitchen. Steve jumped over the couch to sit next to Rhylee, distracting her way from Jacob and his thoughts. "What is his problem?" Steve asked. Rhylee shook her head, "don't ask, it's old." Rhylee turned to see Kaidan stare after Jacob as Vega dragged him away. "What?" Kaidan shouted after him. 

"That's for us to discuss at another time my brother." Garrus said to Kaidan as he looked up from talking to Tali. Rhylee stood and looked longingly at Kaidan, "Kaidan..." she held her hand out to him. “Baby, you ok?" Kaidan suddenly solely focused on Rhylee. "Please leave it. It's old, please." Kaidan moved across the room and helped Rhylee back into the chair next to Steve. "What are you thinking my love? You have that look." Kaidan enquired. "You do know, putting you on the Normandy when that beam hit, it almost destroyed me. You know that don't you?” Rhylee paused as Kaidan refocused on her and the words she was saying. “I had to! No... Needed Liara to drag you away. She promised.” Rhylee broke eye contact with him. “I, I couldn't do the next bit with you there. I needed to know you would be ok." Kaidan grabbed her hand and kissed her palm. "Since that first time I saw you on the Normandy, and that shake down mission with Nylus you had my heart. Always have." A snorted huff could be heard from the kitchen. Kaidan turned to look, the corners of his eyes turning blue. "What is his problem?" Rhylee redirected Kaidan’s gaze back to her, "Leave it baby, it's nothing. Just leave him". Kaidan turned back to Rhylee, he stroked her stripes of hair absentmindedly. Kaidan lent forward and kissed her forehead. As Jacob walked passed with a new bottle of beer and sat down at the bar. Kaidan got up and walked back to the fire. "I'll get back to the kitchen, those drumsticks won't fry themselves." Sometime later the smells of fried chicken and hot jacket potatoes drifted over towards the group. As Rhylee looked around the collection of friends, her family, it concerned her that Joker was missing. He had not left the apartment he owned a few blocks away. She had invited him, and it had hurt that he declined to come, but Rhylee did understand where he was coming from. She had been the one to fire that bullet, the one that effectively killed EDI.

"That was a fantastic meal Major, superb" James said as he lent back in his chair and rubbed his now very full stomach. "If he keeps this up, I'll be as big as you soon Lola." Rhylee laughed, "Now I would pay to see that" Garrus interjected. Kaidan stood and started to clear the table. Rhylee stood up, and pushed her chair under "does anyone...." Rhylee staggered backwards. Her fall catching Kaidan's eye from the kitchen. The sudden blue biotic field that surrounded her hummed as Kaidan's protective arms took hold of her. "My love, you ok?" Kaidan held on to her tightly. "Yes, I just got a little light headed that is all" Rhylee rubbed the side of her head, the confusion of the situation evident on her face. Garrus lent into Jacob "that my man is why he is completely hers. No one can stop those two. Your issue with him over Horizon, get over it. Those were dark days, he's definitely paid for it, do let it go. You understand?" Jacob nodded as he continued to stare at Rhylee's interaction with Kaidan. "She had been his for as long as I have known them. Only Joker knew her before they met." Jacob snorted "It doesn't justify what he did." Garrus glared at him, "I said drop it" Jacob nodded and returned to drink the remainder of his beer. Kaidan helped Rhylee to the settee his face full of sympathy "Maybe we will get the doc to look you over, she has been fussing over me for the last few weeks, and she’ll love to have you back. All she has had on our journey back is me to deal with. I am sure you are just what she needs."


	13. Credits?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a one shot in the story-line. As I always wondered where Shepard and Alenko get their credits from. Now I know!

James paced up and down outside the human embassy on the 31st floor, the C-Sec Officer was starting to give him a sympathetic look each time he walked past. He checked the time again, it was only 3 minutes since he last looked. Where were they? He was determined not to do this on his own, "Esteban! What took you so long?" Steve looked apologetic as he and Rhylee finally stepped out of the lift. "We're so sorry James." Rhylee stated "The Officer downstairs wouldn't let us pass without... Oh doesn't matter, let's get this done." Rhylee walked towards the Spectre Office, she raised her omnitool and the door opened. "Look, I'm not sure we will be able to find one you know." Rhylee looked sympathetically at James, "Look, it hasn't been long. I only just asked him to go out there." Rhylee continued to tap away at the terminal. "I know. But please. Your other half is the only one I know with land in Madagascar, please just see if you can locate one for me." James paused and turned to look at Steve, "Tell me Esteban, how's babysitting duty going?" Rhylee shot James a look, "It's ok Shepard," Steve said, "To be honest, and it’s brilliant. I get to hang out with my best friend. How's your day been? Hanging out in the corridor waiting for us?" James held his hands up, "look I'm just trying to make a conversation." 

Rhylee concentrated on all the data streams that were coming in from Earth. She had commissioned a search of the mine James had mentioned was there. Kaidan had bought the land some time back, a coincidental conversation had led to this, and the search was on. "Are you sure red diamonds are in this mine?" Rhylee asked out loud, "Shush!" James said waving his arms in the air. "Is that what you’re looking for?" Steve said as he spun around and stared at James. "I want a unique engagement ring, ok!" Confusion crossed Steve's face, "who are you marrying?" Rhylee giggled while tapping away on the console. "Come on James, tell him. If you don't I will, I haven't forgiven you for that look the other week at the party." James sighed "Be fair Lola, you found out by accident." Rhylee turned to face them, "by accident! By accident! I nearly died twice and you bemoan I found out by accident." 

Rhylee leaned on the barrier, "For fuck sake James, you've been going out with her for several months. You spoke, well messaged each other every day on your way back to Earth. I didn't have that, you... you won't even tell your friend about her. Sod this! Get over yourself!" Steve and James stood staring at Rhylee as she continued her tirade at Vega. "Rhylee... Rhylee..." Steve stepped into her space, both arms up and pulled her into his embrace. "Rhylee calm down, it's fine. James can tell me when he wants. It doesn't matter." Rhylee stared at Steve, her purple eyes pleading for an answer to a question she hadn't asked. He pulled her even closer, the edges of his clothes freezing on their touch with her body. "Please Rhylee, calm down, your little one is making it rather cold in here. Please..." Steve whispered into her ear. Realisation came over her face as she recognised the drop in temperature. "Shit, Steve, I'm so sorry. I'm not even sure what happened. Shit... you ok?" As Steve backed away he nodded as his stiffened clothes started to thaw out.

"What the fuck was that!?" James asked as he stood staring at the two of them. "That my good man is why I am 'babysitting'." Steve said inverted commas still hanging in the air where he just wrote them, "This little one is a little different. He is a very powerful biotic and well, can at times be harmful to Rhy... Shepard." Shepard turned away embarrassed and intent on ignoring James. "Anyhow, Shepard do you know anything about red diamonds?" Steve asked as the room started to warm up. She paused and looked up from the console. "No... James wanted one for an engagement ring and I mentioned that Kaidan had been buying up old industrial sites on Earth to revitalise the economies in those areas." Steve nodded, "Ok, did you offer to pay for it?" Steve asked as he nudged James. "Well... no, not really. It's only a diamond." Steve hit James on the shoulder. "Are you trying to screw Shepard over?" Steve's tone suddenly turned and was outwardly hostile towards James. "Whoa, hold back Esteban. I wasn't trying to do anything. I need a diamond ring. Shepard here said she might be able to get me one uncut. Of course I would pay her for it, or the Major, whoever!" Rhylee looked up and stared at the pair. "What's so special about red diamonds?" Steve stared open mouthed at her as he thought about how to state it. "They are to most expensive type of diamond!" Rhylee looked at Steve, "Oh, well that makes this better. The report says they found a seam of them in the mine." Rhylee scanned the report in more detail. "Oh... well that's a little disappointing." Rhylee said as she looked up from the terminal. "The estimate is there is only about 3-4kg of them. Hell, I dumped twice that from the Normandy refuse shoot before. The doc..." Rhylee stared at James and Steve as they stared at her with weird expressions on their faces. "What?!" Rhylee exclaimed. "Rhylee..." Steve stated, "You really don't know anything about them. Do you?" As Rhylee shook her head she looked between Steve and James. Steve stepped forward and took her in his arms, "Rhylee, a diamond carat weighs about 0.2 grams." He paused. "You have about 20000 times that." Rhylee started to nod more vigorous, "err..." Steve shook his head, "I've not finished... Red diamonds are about 5 billion credits per carat. They are worth more than most planets." Rhylee stared at Steve, "Oh, I better tell Kaidan then."


	14. Just wrong!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short and sweet , Kaidan messes up again!

"That's two steak sandwiches and a couple of iced waters, thanks." Kaidan smiled over the menu as he emphasised he was giving up his beers just as Rhylee had. She knew he wanted to talk to her, but his silent cues were just that, he had yet to say anything. "Rhylee" Rhylee jerked her head towards him waiting." I need to talk to you," as soon as he said it, he looked away. Fear shot through Rhylee. What was so bad that he wouldn't want to make eye contact with her? Kaidan shuffled the menu back and forth on the table, "this is not what I planned to talk to you about, but I can't lie to you or be without you" Kaidan looked longingly at Rhylee "you are the love of my life, I want you, to never be without you, you know that don't you?" Rhylee placed her hand on Kaidan's "Yes, of course I do. Tell me baby, I want to know what is troubling you? Is it the diamond thing? I'm sorry I didn't tell..." Kaidan stroked the side of her face, just as he had when he was ascertaining if she was real. Rhylee had learnt this was a reflex he now used to gauge the situation. "No, it's not the diamond thing, although we'll need to talk about that some other time. I.... I have been offered a promotion. Admiral." Kaidan tried to hide his fear, he was still holding something back from her. She searched his eyes, hoping to connect with him, to see what he was hiding. Rhylee smiled, and pulled his hand across the table. "Baby, that's fantastic news. Congratulations. Why are you so hesitant in telling me?"

Kaidan swallowed hard "I've been asked to lead the new flagship of the council fleet, it's an alliance/council cooperative." Confusion flashed across Rhylee's face. Noticing Kaidan shifted in his chair, unsure of how best to say it. He took hold of Rhylee's hand, and closed his eyes. As he opened them the fear there stilled Rhylee's heart, "Kaidan, tell me. What is it?" He took in a deep breath and sighed, "It's the Normandy. They've given me the Normandy. We are to go on deep exploration missions. The intention is we're in Space for a few years at a time. I know... I know you wanted to retire to Vancouver." He paused as Rhylee took in the information. He then continued "It just with the relays on their way to being repaired, there are areas of the Galaxy that still have limited communications and travel abilities. So, we’re going to search deep space, find disconnected relays. Activate them. Find anything that is salvageable." Kaidan paused, and held his breath as he waited for Rhylee's response.

He sat there staring at her, for what seemed like an age. Why wasn't she saying anything? What had he missed? He practiced this in his head for the last few hours, why was she not talking? Rhylee pulled her hand away and sat back in the chair. "When will you take up your new post?" Rhylee's question was as distance as the look in her eyes. Kaidan sat back, mimicking her action. At this point he wished he had stuck to the plan he had for today, and just asked her to marry him as he wanted. Now, it was clear to see she hated him. "A few weeks. She repaired from the war, we just need to get the deep space mods done, finalise the crew and most of all... he paused, see if our plan will work." The tears started to well in Rhylee's eyes, Kaidan reached out to touch her face, but she pulled back. "As you once said to me, don’t, just don't Kaidan." Rhylee stood up, throwing her napkin down on the table. The pain in her eyes was clear to see. She turned and walked away back towards the presidium. Kaidan watched as she flicked on her omnitool and started to speak to someone. He stared at her as she left creating a massive gulf between them. It tore into Kaidan's heart. He leaned forward onto the table and dropped his head into hands; where had he gone wrong?


	15. Right?

Garrus started running to the apartment before Rhylee had finished her call. The bemoaning from Tali behind him, pulled at him as she faded into the distance. He knew she didn't understand their friendship, at some point he was going to have to explain it, but that wasn't now. "Shepard!" he shouted as he rushed through the front door into the living room. He took in a deep breath as he saw her standing by the fire leaning on the fireplace. Garrus had tried to understand what had happened between the sobs and him running but it hadn't got far. He knew it involved Kaidan, but he wasn't clear on the rest except, the baby was fine, and it had something to do with the Normandy and mass relays. He walked slowly across the room towards her. "Shepard" He hesitated as she sobbed louder. "Please Shepard, what's wrong?" Rhylee tried to speak but just a sob left her, suddenly she slumped on the floor in front of the fire. "Shit Shepard!" he closed the gap between them quickly, his arms out stretched to embrace his forlorn best friend. "Shepard, talk to me.... What happened?"

Rhylee lent on the hearth and fought to control her breathing. The thought of him leaving her and the baby, she grasped at her chest the burning sensation distracting her from the moment. She focussed on the feel of Garrus' arms around her. "Commander, do you need medical assistance?" Glyph appeared to their right his concentric orbs spinning hypnotically. "I... I think she'll be alright in a few minutes. Thank you Glyph." Garrus responded. "She's really upset..." Garrus turned back to her and kissed her gently on the head. "Please my dear, let me in as you once did. What is wrong?" Rhylee closed her eyes and listened to the sound of his heart. It's rhyming beat different from a humans, but still mesmerising. As Rhylee sat there she could feel the tightness in her chest easing, the sobbing noise she had been making stopped and the t nation across her shoulders began to ease. "I held you like this for days after horizon. You still use the same brand of shampoo." Garrus laughed as he brushed his face into her flowing white hair. "We got through that time together, we worked through it. We can do this as well. I just need to know what it is we are battling. Please Shepard, tell me what's wrong." Garrus rested his head against hers and started humming. Rhylee lay there listening to the same tune she had done all those years before, a lullaby sung by his mother. This was why she had called him, she was safe her in his arms. On the third repeat of the main tune Rhylee could feel her breathing had slowed and she started to think more clearly. "He's leaving..." she eventually managed to say, another huge sob filled the room, the idea consuming her again. “Who is?" Garrus asked in a confused tone. The sobbing continued "Shepard, who is leaving?" Rhylee looked up at the Archangel. "Kaidan. He told me he's leaving in a few weeks". Garrus shuffled in his stop moving Rhylee so he could see her face. "No Shepard! No... Not possible!" He shook his head back and forth. “No. No, not possible. He won't leave you. I saw the rin....." Garrus stopped short of saying it. "Please believe me. There's no way he is leaving you and the baby. Why do you think he is?" Rhylee continued to sob, the tears muffling any words she was trying to say. "Arh Shit Shepard! Tell me, where is he?" Rhylee snorted at his question, "Shepard, its important where is he?" Rhylee stopped and stared at the fire. "I left him at Apollo's Cafe." Garrus flicked up his omnitool, and sent a message to someone. He flicked it back off and turned his attention back to Rhylee. "Shepard, there's no way he's leaving you, by the saints, why would you think that?" Frustrated Garrus started to work through the information, just like a flame flicking to life, all of a suddenly it all made sense. Garrus slumped back into the settee as Rhylee continued to cry in his lap. 

Garrus closed his eyes, humming this lullaby to himself again. He could fell her begin to relax once more. "Shepard." Garrus played with her hair as she laid in his lap. "Shepard, listen to me." Garrus stroked all of her hair out of her face and begun to wipe away her tear marks. "I understand now. He told you didn't he?" Rhylee frowned as she turned and looked forlornly up at him, “He told you about his promotion. That's he's been promoted to Admiral. Didn't he?" She nodded, "He's also told you he's been given the Normandy, for her deep space mission, correct?" Rhylee nodded, Garrus lent forward and kissed her cheek... Rhylee went to speak and ask a question but she stopped. "He said it will take a few weeks to prepare the Normandy, correct?" She nodded in affirmation of his statement. "It would take, two weeks tops to prepare the Normandy, but he needs more rooms put in....... Family quarters." Still confused Rhylee sat up, "How do you know all this?" Garrus pulled her in a hug, remembering she need physical contact to remain calm. She had examined after Horizon how her greatest fear was losing herself to her pain and lost. It was in her voice when she had called him. He couldn't lose her, not after... "Shepard, it’s going to be our home. Kaidan is not leaving you, he forgot to tell you he's taking you with him." Rhylee stared in disbelief at him, she was still processing his words when he continued. "Did you open your messages this morning?" Rhylee looked at Garrus as if he was mad, "no...” Garrus smiled "Well look then, we might be having a different conversation if you had." Confusion flickered across her eyes, as she turned on her omnitool to bring up her messages. There it was her new commission as Major, the XO on the Normandy although currently on maternity leave. Commencement immediately, departure date: TBC. "This came in 2 hours before I saw Kaidan, he must have assumed I had seen it." Garrus looked at Rhylee nodding and mouthed yes at her.

As the emotional fog lifted, Rhylee started to think about what Garrus had said. "What..... No, how did you know he wasn't leaving?" The confusion etching into her face as she waited for a response from Garrus. Garrus however, was running an internal monologue, trying to resolve about telling her about the journey back, how he watched Kaidan screwed up in a ball on her bed each night. How he and Liara watched over Kaidan in shifts as he slept. He shook his head to rid it of the images he never wanted to see again. He wasn’t going to tell her. It would remain the secret they all agreed would never be discussed again or shared. Debate over, he turned and looked at Rhylee. "Kaidan is yours, his mind, body and soul. Unmovable, unrelenting and steadfast.” Garrus leaned back against the settee. “You need to talk to him. Find out what he has truly been hiding from you for about, um.” Garrus nodded “Yes, about 6 months now. It will be brilliant. Trust me." with the flick of his talons, Garrus got up, helped Rhylee to the chair and walked into the kitchen. 

As Rhylee stared at the fire, she could hear Garrus in the kitchen talking through his communicator. "Tali, my love, did Liara bring him to you?" Rhylee couldn't hear any of the responses, just his affirmations back. “See you in 5.” Garrus said as he walked over, flicking his omnitool closed. He paused and then took the seat next to Rhylee. "Shepard, you know I would fight until the end for you. Hell, I did. But you have got to lighten up a bit. Kaidan, he, he changed on the way back. Hit rock bottom without you.” He shuffled uncomfortably on the chair. “You remember Horizon.” Rhylee blanched at the words, “Yes, I don’t think I am going to forget that do you?” Rhylee curt tone not going a miss on Garrus, “I just want you to know that without you, well, let's just stay with you he is whole. Ergo without you he's not." Rhylee stared at him for a few moments, "what happened on the way back?" Garrus shock his head. "No, no. That's not my story to tell. Talk to your hus... Talk to Kaidan about that." Rhylee sighed relenting the fight. She closed her eyes and lent back in her chair. 

It was sometime later when Garrus answered the door and embraced Tali as she stood in the doorway. "How is Shepard?" Tali pushed past Garrus, and walked straight over to Rhylee as she slept on the chair. Garrus remained at the door his arm leaning on the door frame. As his talons clicked he continued to stare at Kaidan in the doorway. “By all the saints, Kaidan, what were you thinking? She's fucking pregnant!” Kaidan walked sheepishly into the main foyer of the apartment. “Is she ok?” he asked quietly, “She’s ok, I think I managed to calm her down. What the fuck happened? I thought you were going to ask her to marry you?” Kaidan shook his head, “I should have stuck to that plan, but the promotion, the fact we now need to leave before the baby is due. I, I don’t know what went wrong Garrus. Really I don’t.” Garrus wandered off towards the games room, “Follow me Admiral!” When Garrus had bricks between him and Tali he turned and faced Kaidan, "Now, I do not care if you are a fucking Admiral now. But today you royally fucked up." Kaidan dropped his head avoiding eye contact. "Hell Kaidan, she was hysterical. Glyph had a fit over her vital. I mean it Kaidan I don't know how Canadians propose to the love of their lives, their soul mates but I am sure that telling her you are leaving, with her ship is probably not the best way of doing it!" Garrus continued to stare down at Kaidan, clicking his talons repeatedly in anticipation of the response. "Ok. Ok. I... I messed up. I am so petrified she will not want me anymore. I can't risk her saying no." Garrus nodded, he understood how apprehensive Kaidan had been about this since they spoke after his very first attempt to ask on Bernstein. “Whoa, Kaidan, you know when you tried and failed to propose the first time?” Kaidan looked at Garrus confused “Why yes Garrus, thanks for reminding me of that. Why?” Garrus nodded, “it was about six months ago wasn’t it?” Kaidan nodded, not amused that his biggest failure to date was being dragged up by Garrus. “Why did your proposal fail?” Kaidan smirked as he recalled, “You know why, Shepard and I ended up spending the whole weekend in bed, it was…” Kaidan drifted off as his memories were overtaken by the images of the weekend. “And I suppose you weren’t sleeping?” Garrus interjected bring Kaidan back from his reverie. “God Garrus, no as a matter of fact, no we didn’t sleep much. Do you want the details? God, why drag all this up?” Garrus pulled Kaidan in close and whispered into his ear, “Because your failure to ask, the event that has bothered you for the last six months,” Garrus paused, “Asking wasn’t the right time, but making your son was!” Kaidan pulled away from Garrus and stared at him. Garrus could see all the calculations swirling around in Kaidan’s head as the truth sunk in. Kaidan raised his hand to swipe over his mouth. “By the Goddess, I think you are right.”


	16. Went off!

Maybe it was the light, maybe it was the hormones. Rhylee wasn't quite sure what it was but Kaidan just oozed sexual attraction at her. He was standing over by the kitchen, omnitool out discussing the schedule for the next couple of days with James. His outline was framed by the warm glow of the fire from the dining area. He had his new uniform on. Oh, how she loved him in his uniform, especially this one he had as an admiral. She had liked the new muscular Kaidan that had made it back from Saturn. Both the alliance and spectre symbols were emblazoned on his arm. As she stared a warm glow built within her. Pride brimming to the edges as she soaked in the view.

"James! It should be easy. Just find the bloody thing and bring it back here." Kaidan turned to look at Rhylee as she walked across the living room. Their eyes met, she dropped them instinctively as if she was a naughty girl about to be told off. Seductively, she looked up again to see Kaidan was looking in her direction, confusion written over his face. He frowned in such way she recognised as him asking a question? By the goddess, his uniform, Rhylee wanted to rip it off, she must control herself, but God he looked too good. With a confused look remaining Kaidan turned back to the data James just sent him on the omnitool. Rhylee took the opportunity to stare at him more. A small silver streak of hair was starting to predominate the side of his head. He was all the perfect parts of the alliance poster boy she fell in love with 4 years ago. She couldn't contain the urge anymore, she slipped open her nightgown exposing her naked form to him. A wry grin crossed Rhylee face just as Kaidan looked up. His response was instant. He knew what that look was, his confusion disappearing as the swell of another part of him took over. 

"James, I need to complete some..... Err, other errands, are you ok to proceed to Jupiter and meet with Dr Helfer and ascertain the need for the required items?" The affirmative was received and Kaidan cut the power to his omnitool. He looked up at Rhylee the smirk that crossed his face made her giggle. Kaidan knew what to do at this point, as the blue glow of his mass effect field emanated from his body, he hovered above the ground his straining want emphasising his desire. 

Rhylee stood up, she walked the short distance to where the Admiral was hovering a few feet off the ground. She unfasten the clasp and it fell to the floor. As her exquisite form walked towards him, Kaidan was almost undone. "I want you Shepard. Here in front of the fir....." Rhylee's biotics fired merging hers with his. He lowered himself down to her, his lips entwined with hers before he could finish the sentence. Kaidan, carefully moved them to the rug in front of the fire. His mind being distracted by her as she stripped him of all his uniform, she smirked as he revealed he was once again commando. Rhylee bent down on to her knees and slowly caressed his member, the guttural growl which left Kaidan's throat was what she needed. She slowly nipped at his tip, the moisture from her mouth and his precum mixing together which excited her more with his salty message. As he strained further against her mouth the low rumble increased, and the mass effect field pulsated in unison.

"As you were standing there talking to James, what were you thinking?" Rhylee looked at Kaidan through tired eyes that showed him all the want in the universe. Kaidan looked down at her as she knelt in front of him, his heart skipped and the mass effect field he was generating pulsated throughout the room. "We're trying to fix something. Something I lost, but I am hopeful I can find it again" "oh...." As Rhylee took him completely into her mouth. Three licks of her tongue pushing him closer to the edge. "Major, I am certain that technique has been outlawed in most of the known Galaxy " Kaidan tried hard to control the urge, his hand moving quickly through her hair, ruffling it in rhythm to her movements. Just as he was about to come, Kaidan pulled away and fell to his knees to be face to face with Rhylee. "I am so sorry about the other day, you control me so much. I need, no want you so badly..." Rhylee consumed his mouth with her kisses and swallowed his words. "It is not a problem, now take me Admiral" on that note, Kaidan did as requested and the blue glow was the only warning the neighbours got before the shockwave went off.


	17. Finally!

"It's hard to explain, the presidium is so beautiful I will insist your dad brings us back here when you are older to see it. In this entry I wanted to explain about one of the choices I made. A long time ago I encouraged Jeff to pursue a relationship with EDI. But a few weeks ago, I destroyed the reapers and EDI with them. I saw Jeff today, I waved at him and he recognised I was there but the light was gone from his eyes. I burst out crying and then ran back here. I am waiting for your dad to come home. I messed up Little Blue. Maybe I should have chosen synergy. I don't know." Rhylee paused as she took a sip of her hot chocolate. She resumed "I am hiding from the outside world under my duvet. I have never regretted any decision I made on the battlefield, but I wish EDI could have been saved. I think I will just hide in here until the world is a nicer place." Rhylee closed her omnitool and begun to cry again. 

"Shepard, you in here?" Kaidan jogged up the stairs to their bedroom, "my love, what's wrong?" Kaidan sat on the bed next to Rhylee and pulled back the covers. "I saw Joker, he blames me about EDI..." Kaidan's tone changed "did he do or say anything to upset you?" Rhylee burst out crying again, "my love, tell me what did he do?" The tension was starting to creep into Kaidan's eyes, the whites’ slowly turning blue "what did he do?” Rhylee looked up at him with red bloodshot eyes, "he said "hi" and then walked on. He didn't stop to chat he just kept walking. He hates me, he blames me and wants nothing to do with me." The relaxation in Kaidan's tone was palatable. "Honey, he hurts at the moment, I have told him, EDI's blue quantum box is intact, but parts of her were in the SR2." Kaidan stroked back some lose strands of hair and kissed her on the forehead. "Tell you what, why don't we both just hide under these covers. Block out all the world and just cuddle." Rhylee always found comfort in the fact Kaidan knew exactly what to do when she was hurting.

Kaidan awoke to the bright lights of the billboard from across the street blazing in through the uncovered windows. "Shit! Rhylee!" Kaidan gently nudged her awake as she laid on the bed beside him. "What baby?" She slowly responded. "We need to go. We have a function in an hour, we fell asleep." "Ok..." Rhylee said as she turned away from him again. "Please baby, it's one of my first functions as Admiral, yours as Major. Get up!" Kaidan climbed out of bed and headed for the shower. "I'm not going. Leave me alone." Rhylee said sleepily. "Rhylee, by the goddess get up!" Kaidan yelled as he returned 10 minutes later, rubbing his hair dry. A single white towel hung from his waist, contrasting to his tanned toned abs. "Come on sleepyhead," Kaidan, climbed over the bed and picked Rhylee up. "Come on gorgeous, you need to wash." Kaidan kissed her forehead as he carried her to the shower. Rhylee literally purred as he felt the girth of his biceps, she wanted him badly. But her body was starting to tire from the pregnancy. A few moments later the warm cascading water soothed Rhylee's limbs. "I can wash myself Kaidan." Rhylee retorted as she finally gained enough awareness to comprehend what was going on. "Ok then, I'm going to get dressed," Kaidan said as he walked back to the bedroom. Even with the shower on Rhylee could hear Kaidan muttering away to himself in the bedroom. A few moments later he reappeared. “Who am I kidding?" Kaidan strolled straight back in and joined Rhylee in the shower. 

Rhylee stared as water rivulets ran down his toned body. She remained transfixed as he slowly bent down and took each of her nipples into his mouth and sucked. Rhylee closed her eyes and lent her head back, allowing the water to splash off of her body and onto his. Kaidan guttural response was music to her ears. With small kisses Kaidan worked his way downwards, he gently kissed each of her scars and then the edges of her bump. "I was thinking, Shepard" Kaidan said in between kisses, "Umm" Rhylee gently responded. "I was..." Kaidan paused, "Shepard, I, l would rather call you Mrs Alenko." Rhylee stopped, and looked down, her eyes still closed until, Kaidan passed her a towel. She rubbed her eyes dry, and then her face. Kaidan continued to kiss her bump. "Rhylee, will you marry me?" She finally opened her eyes to see Kaidan down on one knee, completely naked in front of her. A subtle blue mass effect field hovered around him. "Do you mean it?" She asked, "Of courses I do", Kaidan said a little hurt that she would think he was joking. He smiled as he held the ring out to her. "Will you marry me my most wonderful best friend?" Rhylee lent down, she silently embraced him. "Will you?" He repeated. Without a word she moved close to his ear, "Yes. Yes, my lover, you already have every part of me. Let me take that last part of you I don't have...your name." Rhylee paused and pulled back to make eye contact with Kaidan, "Yes Admiral Alenko I will marry you." Kaidan was speechless as he took the ring from the box and placed it on her finger.


	18. While you were sleeping!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flashback to just after Kaidan was attacked on Mars.

"Well Admiral, I am surprised that you finally got around to asking." Garrus laughed as he raised his drink in honour of Kaidan's ridiculous attempts at trying to ask Rhylee to marry him. "Well, I have had my mind on lots of different things." Kaidan replied. "Well at least you got to try before you buy, and put down a holding deposit." James laughed as he jibed at Kaidan for taking so long. A well-aimed pillow flew across the living room and hit James full in the face. "I am sure the new Admiral will ignore that comment, Lieutenant." Greg said as he claimed victory at the aim. "No worries guys, I can't wait for Rhylee to marry me or for our son to arrive. Say what you want." Kaidan looked around the room, it was strange how the men around the fire, his battle hardened brothers in arms were without doubt now his family. He scoffed as the realisation hit, 4 years ago he didn't know any of them. His mind wandering back to the time he met each of them. "You ok Kaidan?" Garrus asked, his tone laced with concern. Kaidan pulled from his reverie turned and looked at Garrus, his eyes glinting in the firelight. "Yeah, I'm fine."

As they reminisced about how they met it was interesting that Kaidan was ashamed about some of his actions. As Garrus filled James in on his unique perspective of Saren, Steve studied Kaidan. "I understand that Shepard is mad about him, but are you sure he's a good egg?" Steve turned to Greg, doubt etching into his thoughts. "My love, he is a good man. Ok, there was the issue with Horizon, but that comes from his miss trust of Cerberus. Remember I didn't even think that the Commander's decision was right at the time." Greg pulled Steve back towards him, "Please trust me, he is a good man, and is besotted with the Commander." Steve shook his head as he thought through Greg's words. "Are you sure? I was talking to Jacob the other day..." Steve said as he shifted position so that he could get a better look at Kaidan in the kitchen. "Yes, Steve what's this all about?" Greg said as he playfully hit him on the arm. Steve shook his head, "It was something that Jacob said, I checked it out, and it’s true." Greg looked at Steve puzzled, "Jesus, and Steve. Your best friend is marrying him soon, what's true?" The end of Greg's sentence hitched up a little as his frustration grew. "He's coming back, look, please. Just leave it for now. It's nothing." Steve replied. Puzzled by their tone Kaidan looked towards Greg, "You ok?" Greg shrugged and mouthed, 'yes' back. Greg huffed and indicated that Steve couldn't handle his drink very well. Still concerned though Kaidan reloaded the fridge with beers and went and sat down next to James.

"James can I ask? Anderson employed you to guard Rhylee, correct?" Kaidan asked, "Yeah" James replied suspicious, "why sir?" Kaidan smiled at the use of the title, "I wanted to know, if she ever was to have run. Tried to avoid the charges, would you have ever shot my fiancée?" The room fell silent as they all turned to look at James. He shuffled uncomfortably in his chair, and looked down to brake eye contact with all of them. "Oh my god James, you would wouldn't you?" Kaidan stated. James took in a deep breath and signed "Well......yes. I nearly had to on the citadel, ask Garrus.....he was there!" Kaidan swung round and stared at a Garrus, the surprise evident on his face. Garrus sipped on his wine and leaned back in his chair. Kaidan shifted his gaze between the two and took a long drag on the cool beer he was holding, "ok you two, spit it out. What did she do that nearly resulted in you two wanting to kill her?"

Garrus raised his arms in protest "Whoa.... Let's get it right from the start. I didn't want to kill her." He paused and looked at James, "I wanted to kill him to stop it!" Garrus pointed at James. "What!" Kaidan exclaimed "Garrus, start talking!" Garrus finished his drink and put the glass down on the table. "As always, I was there not to kill our fine Commander but to save her......again!" Kaidan almost chocked on the beer, "what?!" As the others moved in closer, keen to hear the details Steve, who was evidently getting ready to leave, turned around intrigued by the change of topic of conversation. "When was this?" He asked as he sat back down next to Greg. "Oh, just after the mission to Mars to get the blueprints." James replied smiling at the thought of the fight that ensued. "You mean I was on the Normandy and I didn't know it was going on!" A disgruntled Steve replied. "That's about it, you really didn't come out of the shuttle bay I the first few weeks Esteban!" James replied with a smile. "Look if you all want this story then I definitely need more beers and food." James said as he got up and walked towards the kitchen. "Hey, Esteban come and help me and wake up Jeff, he is in this as much as the rest of us!" James grabbed the last beer on the counter popped the lid and took a cool swig......

"Ok, let's put some context to this. It was just after the incident on Mars. With that Robot women." Kaidan shuddered as he recalled his encounter with Eva Coré. Mindful of the trip back, Garrus shuffled in his chair concern lacing his features. "Kaidan, you good?" He asked, "Yea, it... it was just not a good time that's all." Kaidan replied. "True." Garrus responded. James however on his fifth beer of the night so far, was oblivious to Kaidan reaction, so continued, "We arrived at the citadel and you" James indicated to Kaidan. "You were truly messed up, we had to take you directly to the hospital." James took a swig of his beer. "Shit man, the Major, she was mad, like rabid mad." James paused as Jeff walked in and sat down on the rug in front of the fire, "I mean, Joker here, performed an outstanding docking manoeuvre as we got to the citadel." Joker smiled at James, "why thanks man, that means a lot." James lent forward and grabbed his hand, “anytime bro, anytime." Garrus coughed, "Right, were was I, oh yes. My main man here" he clapped Jeff on the shoulder, “just after dropping the FTL drive only a few seconds before, he managed to get the Normandy docked. It was a sweet manoeuvre." James laughed at the thought. "Do you remember that salarian in the dock? I was sure he was having a heart attack or something. Damn she just pushed right passed that poor bastard." Joker nodded as they recalled the event. "The Commander, she was truly loco trying to get you," he indicated again at Kaidan, "back to the citadel and into that hospital." James stopped as he stared at Kaidan. "You ok with this?" He asked a bemused Kaidan. Kaidan nodded as he just sat there with his mouth slightly ajar stunned.

"Admiral" Garrus interjected "I think you need to know something, it was a long time ago, a lifetime, but..." Kaidan turned and faced Garrus. He raised his eyebrows in an expectant manner. Garrus continued. "You need to know, I talked with Shepard before Ilos." Garrus sipped his wine. "Listen man. We always talk, before you get concerned. Back then, things were less complicated. Her question was simple, would she look bad if she followed her heart." Garrus paused "She had on Virmire; and it scarred her. The truth of how she felt. The results of that decision." Garrus nodded as he looked at the glass of wine he was holding, and raised it. "To, Ashley." They all followed suit, and raised their glasses "To, Ashley." Kaidan paled as he refocused on Garrus as he spoke, "Shepard wanted to know, was she ok doing that." Garrus rubbed his face with his hand. "Because she had did that already, she didn't want anyone else to have the same fate as Ashley." Garrus sipped his Turian wine, pleased Rhylee remembered his favourite and had had it shipped in. "She loves you. Even before Virmire. Now I think about it, even before I met you in fact. She mentioned in one of our very drunk conversations, about Joker and Nylus, how on the bridge you had stolen her heart then and never gave it back. I also believe that remains true until this day." Garrus said in a matter of fact way, he then took another sip, a smirk crossed Garrus' face. "After Horizon... No, no, no, won't tell!" Garrus held his finger to his mouth, "shush, shush, we'll... we'll leave that for a different time." Garrus swayed as the wine begun to affect him further. He stopped and gave a concerned look at Joker. He then continued "Let's just say, in Vancouver, on the citadel with the council, then on Mars, she did everything to get you, everything. So when you were critically injured, nothing was going to stand in her way...."

"Not even me." James interjected, "which is where we return to the time I nearly shot her." He took another swig of his beer, as he stared directly at Kaidan waiting for a response. Instead, all he got was stunned silence. "Admiral, you ok with this, you did ask?" James asked. Kaidan nodded, "keep going, what happened?" Kaidan eventually managed to ask. "My turn" Jeff said from his position still warming up in front of the fire. "Well, I had just made the best FTL jump since Eden prime and the Commander was like, "get him to the hospital" "do this, do that!" Joker smiled as he recalled the interaction with an almost perfect impression. "It was all hands to the pump, so we got you to the hospital. All good, a Turian doc took you off to be assessed. He was good, but then 'she' showed up" he indicated inverted commas in the air, "and the shit really hit the fan." All three of them nodded in unison. "Oh yes!" Garrus stared. Joker pulled himself up off the floor and sat on the arm chair and nudged James to continue the story, "Your better at this bit." "So, we're in the hospital and Dr Walsgrove appears." The colour in Kaidan's face drained out "oh shit, are you kidding me?" he said, his voice weak. "I told you he wouldn't forget her." Joker interjected. Steve turned to Greg "who is Dr Walsgrove?" As Greg shrugged in response, James continued the story....

"Well, at the time, none of us knew anything about her. She seemed OK, but she looked odd at the Admiral, possessive like and the Commander picked up on it." James explained. "Dear god did she pick up on it." Garrus said agreeing with James' statement. "Sorry, carry on James." "Why thank you Garrus," the alcohol continued to take control, "So, the Commander asked her what her problem was. It was then she pushed the Commander out the way, like full on. That women went to a console. At first we had no idea what she was doing, later on we discovered she had recorded herself as your next of kin." "What!!" Kaidan shouted, "Wait, wait we'll get to that bit." James said dismissively as he waved his arms aimlessly around in the air. “Anyway, she had literally floored the Commander. Not a smart move. The Commander got up and that was when it all went loco. The Doctor woman started crying, she threw herself on the floor, hitting herself with chairs and shit." James moved to the edge of his seat. "I mean Sir, she was seriously messed up. After all that she then said the Commander had attacked her. Hospital security got involved, it was truly... The officers came in and the Commander lost it. Biotics up, she was shouting for Bailey, your nutty stalker woman was demanding the Commander be arrested saying she had stabbed you in the heart, how you were in here because of her. Whoa.... It was completely loco." The bottle dropping and then rolling away was the only noise Kaidan made, it clattered across the floor towards Steve, who bent down and sat it upright "what happened next?" Greg interjected "remember I was still on the Normandy at this point, I know the end. But, I missed this, what happened?"

Garrus looked up, "you've got to understand from start to finish this was less than 30 minutes, but in this time admiral, you flat lined, and Shepard, she went mad, real mad..." Garrus past Kaidan another beer and reassuringly grabbed his shoulder. "While CSec were holding the Commander, your stalker doctor had gone about changing some of your finer details, she made herself your spouse, she had changed your blood group and removed that you were a biotic from the system. As a result they altered the triage plan, it caused you to have a heart attack and you flat lined." Kaidan stared at them speechless. He run his hand through his hair, “Are you kidding me, that bitch.... I met her once and she tried to kill me, and by the sound of it almost succeeded. How am I still here?" The edges of his eyes started to turn blue, the low crackle of his biotics filled the room. Kaidan turned and looked at Garrus "HOW?!!!!!" 

Garrus, placed his arm around Kaidan, calming him slightly. "Well, as we mentioned the Turian doctor, what was his name?" "Dr Galio Severinus" Joker interjected, "That's him, well done Joker." Garrus replied, "Anyhow, that doctor was really good. Bailey finally turned up and got Shepard released. She then ran to your room, there were a few broken arms as they tried to stop her. You know the norm, it was fine, justified away by spectre business. She then uploaded data from her omnitool to the Turian Doctor, who almost died on the spot when he read your real stats. He changed the treatment immediately and you were back up and beating within 3 minutes. She wouldn't leave you. He insisted they get Dr Michel in, she was there for two days waiting for you to be classed as stable instead of critical."

As Kaidan tried to take in the information he needed more beer, "hold on" Kaidan turned to James, "you didn't have a standoff with her. You didn't nearly shoot her. What else happened?" Kaidan searched the faces of those around him. "Well... that's where EDI and I come in." Joker smiled as the story came back to him. "At the time we had no idea who your nutty stalker was, so EDI and I went looking for her, and well, umm, found her." Joker looked at Garrus and shrugged "over to you..." Garrus shrugged as he turned to Kaidan, "I was on guard again, making sure Shepard didn't hurt hers.... Well, I was with her when EDI reported in that she had found your stalker. She had an apartment above the commons." Garrus took another sip of his wine. "Shepard at that point, shot out of the hospital, with me in hot pursuit. I did have time grab Thane, and Shepard was calling it in as Spectre business. We just got by with that." James sat up and seemed to be swatting away a fly, "It was in the Commons were Liara and I caught up with them."

"At the time, the commons were full of people. EDI was trailing her and your stalker was down by Sporting Goods. It was there, the Major called her out." James said with Kaidan hanging on every one of his words. "I didn't see it, did you Garrus?" Garrus shock his head, "not fast enough, she got off a copy of shots." Garrus paused and turned to Kaidan. "One of the shots hit Shepard in the shoulder." As James stared gesturing and showing the action Rhylee made in response to being shot, Kaidan almost blanched completely white. "She was so pissed, I thought the trip back to the citadel was bad, oh no, this was way worse." James said. "While the Major was down, your stalker doctor ran to one of the apartments. The Major followed and it was there I pulled my gun on her" James held his breath waiting for a response that didn't come. He continued...

"It's true Sir, Shepard cornered the woman who tried to kill you in one of the apartments. The Major had already slammed her into the floor. Her gun was drawn on her. She was going to shot her, there and then. It was shit scary sir, she looked at me, and her eyes flashed red. So I pulled my gun on your fiancée, I told her, she was more than that. Killing in cold blood, it's not her." James held Kaidan's stare, it only broke when Garrus spoke... "He was right Kaidan, but so was Shepard. So... I pulled my gun on him." Garrus cleared his throat as he indicated towards Vega. "We had a three way standoff. I tell you Kaidan, that doctor was completely messed up in the head, she was living in a fantasy, and she had that apartment and made an alternate life for you and her." Kaidan held his hand up to stop the conversation "what do you mean altered stuff, what did she do?" Garrus stared at James "well....She had altered some of your credentials, said you did campaigns with her you hadn't, like New Canton and Ferris Fields. When they were being attacked by the collectors you had stepped in to save her."

"What? You were at Ferris Fields! I read the report you filed. Jacob showed me." Steve stared at Kaidan, "I read it...." Kaidan looked at Steve in confusion, "I was never there Steve, the only collectors’ attack I was involved with was Horizon, and even that was to look for Rhylee and Cerberus." Steve stood up, his tone and manner resonating hatred, "No! No! No! You were there, you called off the Alliance support, they attacked and you called off the support to save five people. The colony was decimated. I... I lost Robert. You were there" Steve looked at Kaidan, "Sir, you were there, the report said so."

Garrus stood up, rather unsteadily from the wine, but walked towards Steve. "My friend, Kaidan was never there, it was all made up by the women. C-Sec found most of the files she falsely inserted in his name. You can check with Bailey. He's still here, on the citadel. Kaidan wasn't there and had absolutely nothing to do with it" Steve took a few steps back, "are....are you sure?" His anger giving way to confusion. Kaidan stepped forward towards Steve, "I definitely was not at Ferris Fields or New Canton." Steve looked at Kaidan. It was clear he was trying to assess if it was the truth, "I need a drink and fast" Steve said waving the dispute away. Kaidan walked towards him and put his arm around Steve. "I think we all do, definitely, we all do..."

Kaidan and Steve returned to sit by the fire and as Greg smiled a knowing look crossed his face and nodded to himself. "Can we finish the story now? I need to explain few more things" Joker looked impatient as they all sat there waiting for the ending. "Ok, ok, where were we.” James interjected “The Major was in the apartment in a three way standoff with me and Garrus. I am still not completely sure what happened next but I do remember what Garrus said to bring the Major back to us" Kaidan turned to Garrus, "what did you say?" Garrus grinned to himself "what I always do, I told her the truth. I said "Shepard, Kaidan won't want this, you don't want this. You know I am the first person to shot, and ask questions later, but this is wrong. She is sick, do not shot her. Get her locked away, all this and I waved my arms around like this" Garrus demonstrated "all this around us are lies. Think of Kaidan, when he wakes up, when he does, he'll want you, not her. I..... She looked so lost.” Garrus drifted off into his wine induced reverie for a moment. “It reminded me of Hor......." Garrus pulled out of the sentence before he said more. Kaidan walked across to Garrus and full bodied hugged him "There would be no Shepard without Vakarian. Thank you my friend, my brother" the room fell silent, each one silently contemplating their own demons.

After a few silence minutes....."Anyhow, yours truly was walking past the apartments when the next bit happened. Joker said matter of fact like, “I got to save the Major once again" He giggled at the thought of the finale. James jokingly knocked Jeff on the head "so, your delusional women was released by your betrothed and Bailey and some others from CSec turned up. As the Major spoke to Bailey, out of nowhere, the doc used biotic charge. We didn’t even know she was a biotic! She grabbed hold of the Major and they both flew out the window onto the deck, four floors below." Kaidan looked stunned at James, "What.....What happened to her?" Concern etched on Kaidan's face "What the doc?" James asked "No! You idiot” Kaidan retorted “Rhylee. What happened to Rhylee?"

"Well that's were me and EDI come into it. As fast as lightening EDI had assessed the Major’s injuries. We got the medics in and she was being shipped off on a stretcher, she was in a real bad way, believe me.” Joker stated. “As she was being put on to the stretcher, your mad women got up off the ground and tried to throw a biotic slam. Yours truly got in the way, 8 broken bones later, and a clean shot from Bailey she finally was permanently down.” Joker punched the air downwards to emphases the point. “The Major was unconscious but still with us after her four floor fall. EDI freaked out and went into defence mode, we had to explain that as the barriers went up and the canons armed on the Normandy in dry dock.” James nodded knowingly, “We had a bit of a diplomatic issue, but you know us, we sorted it." James added.

"Kaidan, you ok? You look like you are going to be sick.” Garrus asked from his reclined position in the chair. “Shepard was OK after a few days, she was more upset about being unconscious for four days.” “Four days!” Kaidan blurted out “Four days and you said she was fine!” Garrus nodded “Yeah she was fine, her only issue was it meant she couldn't visit you. I do not think there is anyone who could love anyone more than she loves you." Garrus stood up, and held his glass high "a toast to the admiral and his Major. A couple whose love is unrelenting and does not alter when alteration it finds". "Sweet reference Garrus, I didn't know you read poetry." Greg smiled at the replaying of part of Shakespeare's sonnet 116.

There was a round of applause, cheering and back slapping. They were all very drunk and so it was not a surprise when Rhylee retuned back from an evening with Tali that they had all fallen asleep where they were. All except Kaidan, as Rhylee walked around the apartment, she covered each of her guests with a blanket and moved to her room and her warm bed.

"Hello, the love of my life, well - all my lives if the truth be told." Kaidan smiled as his drink laden eyes opened to greet her. She kissed him gently on his forehead "you'll feel this in the morning" Rhylee kissed him again on his lips. Kaidan stared at Rhylee trying hard to focus on the scars on her face. "I don't often say this enough, but I love you so much. There isn't a day I am not constantly amazed by what you do. Thank you for keeping this reality mine!" with that confusing statement he breathed in a massive snort and returned to sleep. Trying to stifle a laugh Rhylee bent down to his ear, she nipped and kissed his lobe "they told you then about what I did after Mars. I would do it all again to have you here with me. Never forget Admiral, all that chaos happened while you were sleeping."


	19. By my side

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Wedding, need i say more!

It was a beautifully bright day, the air was crystal clear and the leaves on the trees hid the destruction that was around each corner. Vancouver was beautiful this time of year as Kaidan looked out over the familiar lake, he pushed to the back of his mind the pain that existed at the loss of his parents. Both were currently MIA. How he is wished they were here on his wedding day to see him marry his true love. To give their blessing.

It was clear in Kaidan’s mind now, Rhylee had changed his world some four years earlier and together they had saved the Galaxy, literally. As Kaidan stared out over towards his house, someone calling his name pulling him forcefully out of his reverie. "Kaidan, come on it is time." Garrus was turning out to be an excellent best man. He had kept him on the straight and narrow "have you sorted your vows out yet?" Garrus asked as he crossed the short distance between them. Kaidan looked up to see Garrus all dressed to the nines "yes Garrus, I have and hopefully it will impress you" Garrus gave out a quick laugh, "I am sure it will be exactly what it needs to be."

\----------------

Rhylee sat staring out the window sitting on Kaidan's childhood bed. After just entering her third trimester, Rhylee was now carrying a significant bump. As she looked around the room, a familiar pang pooled in her chest. Keeping secrets from Kaidan had been a big thing of late. Not that that was her intention. "Am I doing this right?" A concerned Rhylee asked Tali as her glowing eyes became transfixed on Rhylee. With the modifications from the geth before the crucible fired, Tali had volunteered to pioneer life without her suit, only a close few had seen her out of it. Today, a lot more would. "Yes Shepard, this is the best, oh....." She looked down "Second best present you will ever give him" as Rhylee rubbed her hand over her 7 month bump, a wry smile crossing her face.

There was a knock and the door slowly opened, Hannah stuck her head around the corner "oh, my beautiful little girl....." The tears started to fall freely "the ceremony hasn't even started yet and you have me crying. I hope there aren't any more surprises for me, beyond your present." Tali helped Rhylee up and she embraced her mother. "Thank you, thank you for everything, you will never know how grateful I am, never." As they held each other, the short cough from the door announced the arrival of Steven, he had beamed from ear to ear when Rhylee asked if he would give her away. "Are you ready?" With one final hug for her mum, Rhylee nodded and walked to the waiting arm of the Admiral.

\---------------

As the ceremony started Kaidan's heart was heavy, he couldn’t shake the wish his parents were here to share this moment. He knew his mother would have loved Rhylee, just as he does. As the music started to announce Rhylee's arrival Kaidan pulled his mind back and looked out over the lake. He took a deep breath and turned to see… his life, his soul, his reason for being, walking towards him in the image of pure perfection. Rhylee was radiant, she worn a truly elegant dress and Kaidan could not take his eyes off her.

As Steven placed Rhylee's hand in his, Kaidan breath faulted as he tried not to let the emotions overwhelm him. As the minister began the ceremony, images and words flew around in Kaidan’s head. "Kaidan..... Kaidan would you like to say your vows?"

With a simple nod Kaidan turned to Rhylee and held her hand.....

"I wanted to say so my things to you, to tell you what you truly meant to me and I cannot find it better said than in the words by an ancient group from Earth called 'Nickelback'. All our friends that surround us now, know my taste in music, the best.” A small round a laugher filled the expanse of guests, “So, in the words of Chad, a man who 200 years ago could explain to you how I feel," Kaidan paused and the music begun to play, and in perfect pitch he begun to sing....

"By now you'd know that I'd come for you  
No one but you, yes I'd come for you  
But only if you told me to  
And I'd fight for you  
I'd lie, it's true  
Give my life for you  
You know I'd always come for you."

Kaidan dropped to his knee and held Rhylee's hand with both hands. He continued to sing.....

"I was blindfolded, but now I'm seeing  
My mind was closing, now I'm believing  
I finally know just what it means to let someone in  
To see the side of me that no one does or ever will  
So if you're ever lost and find yourself all alone  
I'd search forever just to bring you home,  
Here and now this I vow."

The tears were falling from Rhylee's face so quickly it was difficult to focus on him, her hands shook as Kaidan placed the ring upon her left ring finger. Kaidan softly kissed the ring. Kaidan looked up and smiled, as he straighten he placed an additional kiss on Rhylee’s bump. To Kaidan, it was now crystal clear his new life was about to begin. Rhylee smiled and turned to the minister "my turn....."

"When we agreed to write our own vows I could not think of what to say. How to explain this amazing four years and the future we have together and then like you I found the answer in the past also, in a book by Nicholas Sparks. It explained all of me to you....." Rhylee placed her hand upon his cheek....

"'I love you.   
I am who I am because of you.   
You are every reason, every hope, and every dream I’ve ever had and no matter what happens to us in the future, every day we are together is the greatest day of my life.   
I will always be yours.'

Rhylee took hold of Kaidan's left hand and placed the ring upon his left ring finger. 

"I now pronounce you man and wife" 

As the roar and cheers rang out Kaidan embraced his wife and held her gaze in his for a single moment as they become one. As they both turned to walk forward Rhylee stopped. She didn't step forward as they have practiced, concerned filled Kaidan's mind as he turned to face her "Are you ok? The baby?"

Rhylee reached up and held his face again "Look at the ring I chose for you..." Kaidan's brow creased as he broke eye contact with Rhylee and looked down at the ring on his wedding finger. As Kaidan stared at the ring, the recognition kicked in "how...... how did you know what his ring looked like? You didn't meet him." as the image of his father's ring flashed in his mind, the fact that all were watching was forgotten. "How?" Bewilderment was etched into his face.....

"We wanted you to know we were here, that we were here at your wedding. Giving our blessing and love to your future life...." Kaidan looked up, all his breath left him as he stared at his parents, as they stood in the middle of the main aisle, dressed in wedding attire. Mr. Alenko took a step forward, "that is our gift, the memory that we were here, safe and part of this. A present from your new wife and her family" still speechless Kaidan turned and looked at Rhylee "how? Where? When?" As Rhylee cried, she stroked his face "go to them, hold them and love them. I'll wait here for you"

As Kaidan turned and ran the short distance to his parents. As all three embraced the last shadows on Kaidan's heart disappeared into the ether. After a few moments "Mum, Dad, please come and meet my new wife." Kaidan led them to Rhylee where it was clear she was started to suffer from the prolonged standing. As Kaidan walked Rhylee back down the aisle as his wife the words of the song by Cascada sung out and completed his memory of this moment.....

"Your arms are my castle, your heart is my sky  
They wipe away tears that I cry  
The good and the bad times, we’ve been through them all  
You make me rise when I fall  
Cause every time we touch, I get this feeling  
And every time we kiss I swear I could fly  
Can’t you feel my heart beat fast?  
I want this to last  
I need you by my side"


	20. The Queen

As Rhylee sat on the veranda of the villa overlooking the lush green trees below, she was pleased she had allowed a Kaidan to choose the honeymoon locations. As a spacer she never really appreciated the beauty of Earth and how intoxicating the fresh air and open seas could be. As a child Kaidan loved being on the boats on the lakes around Vancouver where his house was. But, for this trip Kaidan had outdone himself. As it was late in the pregnancy he had chosen for them to travel around Europe by yacht. They were currently docked in a small port in Portugal. The sun was stream down upon her and the little one loved the warmth of the sun on her stomach. He wriggled and squirmed under her skin lapping up the heat as it shone down. 

She loved she had a fantastic honey brown tan all over, the advantage of being on a private yacht was you can tan naked, even at 7 months gone. As Rhylee lay in the warm sun, she could hear other children splashing in a pool at the next villa along. She slowly drifted off into a wistful sleep. As images tumbled through her mind, one came sharply into view "Shepard-Commander, we have found you again. We have been searching for several weeks now. Did you recover fully?" Rhylee looked up from her lounger, "I did thank you Legion, and David is ok, he is doing well.” Rhylee found herself indicating her bump as she said that. “How are you and the Queen?" The image of Legion continued to stare at Rhylee as if thinking about the answer. "We are all fine, thank you Shepard-Commander, we are waiting for the new instructions. We need more information." As Rhylee considered the statement it was obvious that the image in front of her was waiting for something. "What do you want Legion?" The imaged stared at her, "Rhylee! Rhylee..... Babe wake up...”

Rhylee was pulled out of the dream world with the strong tone of Kaidan's voice, and his warm kisses on her cheek. As she opened her eyes he stroked her face gently and traced his fingers down the side of her neck. As his hand trailed downwards, his soft lips followed. His gentle touch causing goosebumps along the way, it was clear Rhylee was loving the sensation as her nipples hardened in anticipation of his kiss. As Kaidan took each one into his mouth in turn, he gently pulled on each as he sucked, as the end of her confinement neared, her breast had begun to work in overdrive, the sweet drips that filled his mouth only made his erection harder.

As Rhylee took a sudden gasp in of air Kaidan hesitated for a second "don't stop my love." She quickly added, with that comment she pushed Kaidan's head lower. "Oh.... I see" with a quick wry smile Kaidan caressed her entrance with the tip of his tongue. As her wetness mixed with his saliva he almost came at that point. "By the goddess Rhylee, I love how wet you are while pregnant, it's tempting to keep you like this all the time," as she jerked her groin into his face in response her innocent giggle made Kaidan smile. As his tongue withdrew his fingers took over the enchanting dance. Her excitation gathered speed Kaidan masterfully dragged her towards her climax. Just at the edge he withdrew his fingers and stood up. His abs highlighted in the sun's rays dominated her eye line. As she followed the trial down his next move was clear.

Rhylee could feel her inner thigh becoming moist with anticipation. Her scent filled each of Kaidan's lungs as he breathed. Each time the exquisite smell drove to make him harder. As he climbed upon the lounger and straddled her she was almost undone, a small squeak of excitement left her as she felt his tip at her entrance. The warmth of his shaft as he penetrated made her clamped down hard. ”Oh my god Rhylee, you are going to get me...” Kaidan thrust in deeply as his organism pulsated through him and he once again filled her with his seed. Kaidan fell to the side of her and took her engorged nipple into his mouth. “My god Kaidan…” Rhylee came the organism tightening her bump and pulsating around of her.


	21. Implications

The presidium was pleasant and Rhylee was pleased her favorite table was unoccupied as she sat down and ordered a glass of orange juice. It was weird to think that normal Earth cuisine was now readily available on the Citadel, yet another changed she had to get used to. A few weeks had past, since Kaidan’s revelation and Rhylee was still finding it hard to resolve her new position. He was now significantly higher than her and it still gnawed at her in the back of her mind. The Normandy Stealth Reconnaissance-3 was still in dry dock, the extended and larger ship didn’t feel like hers anymore. As she sipped the cool juice it was clear in her mind that Rhylee had to get over these changes and the even bigger changes that were to come. Rhylee was pleased to take a back seat for now. Too many memories, too many doubts. It had made some massive decisions and the only fear she felt was someone or thing would seek retribution for those choices and she wouldn’t see it coming! 

Rhylee stared at the Krogan monument, thinking about the time she had to bail out Grunt from his little escapade. She scoffed to herself as she saw the C-Sec Officers face and the flames licking up the side of his car. Her little Tank-born causing havoc across the presidium. She rubbed her chest as a memory flashed into her mind’s eye and a pang for the old days pulled at her stomach. "Major Alenko… Major Alenko, may I sit?" Rhylee looked up from her reverie and stared at the asari as she returned the stare to her. "I..." Rhylee looked over to the rapid transit console. "I… Do I know you?” Rhylee asked, shuffling forward in her chair. “No, not exactly.” The asari replied, “Please Major, can I sit.” Rhylee subconsciously rubbed the side of her bump and indicated the seat opposite. “You can. You have me at a disadvantage. You are?” The Asari remained silent, staring at Rhylee and then at her bump and then back to Rhylee’s face. “Please, I do not mean to be rude but how can I help you?" Rhylee said turning and staring at the still empty skycar port. The Asari sat down, removing a brown paper folder from her bag. With almost reverence she placed some photos onto the table. "Do you know these people Major?" She asked. Rhylee stared intently at each of the faces, two asari, a krogan and a human. Her fingers traced over each, trying to recall any facet of them from the past. "No... No I don't think that I do." Rhylee could feel the anxiety raising inside her. She could feel her heart beat in her neck pulsating, without looking up she picked up each photo and reexamined them. "I'm sorry, no. I don't know who these people are." She placed each one carefully back down on the table. Rhylee looked directly at the Asari her facial marking jogging a distance memory somewhere in the back of her mind. "Why is it Major? You take each of these innocent young things and send them into war as part of your special units. Why don't you know their names? They all knew yours!" Rhylee's brow furrowed as she became more confused by the conversation. "I have no such units. I… During the Reaper war I was in command of the Normandy, not special units.” Rhylee paused and again looked at the skycar port. “Anyhow, I am on leave from active service at the moment, I don’t know of any special units. I am truly sorry, I have no idea who these people are." Rhylee went to move each of the photos back.

"No...” the Asari leaned forward and grabbed her hand, pushing it onto the table. “You use to know them!” Rhylee let out a gasp as the Asari stood up. “This is Jadyn Hallsted, 24 from Kentucky." Grabbing the photo of the Human and placing her photo down in front of Rhylee. "This is Kalanya Matomi, she was from Thessia, and Bakmor Rix, from Tuchuka. And this... this, this is Ri'li D'rosava, my... my daughter." Rhylee stared silently at the asari, "She believed in you Major. She thought her biotic powers could make a difference. You... you made her join that team.” The Asari fell back into the chair. “She was so full of hope after she came back from meeting you. So much promise, “We can make a difference Mother… We can help the War effort!” Instead nothing, you made them all go dark. Now she lost to me." 

Rhylee could feel her heartbeat in her throat, her baby also sensing the danger wriggle and jumped about, letting her know he was there. Rubbing her side to calm him, Rhylee placed her other hand on the photo of Ri'li. “She’s… She’s beautiful, how old is she?” Rhylee asked staring at the Asari in front of her. “I don’t know who you think I am, but I can assure you. I have never met these people before.” “Lies… LIES!” the Asari shouted, pushing the table towards Rhylee, the orange juice falling to the floor with a loud smash. “You do know them! You sent them to Thessia, an easy mission it said. But now they’re gone… and it’s all your fault!” Rhylee stood, pushing the chair away behind her. “Please listen to me. I do not know Ri’li, I wish I did I could then explain it to you, but I don’t please, just calm down.” Rhylee begun to shuffle backwards as the Asari kept flicking her stare between Rhylee’s face and her bump. “What… What if I take your child from you Major? How would that make you feel?” Rhylee placed both hands protectively over her bump. “Please I do not know them… I was in command of the SSV Normandy. I…”

Rhylee stopped as a familiar voice called to her from the skycar port. “Shepard! Hey Shepard!” Rhylee turned and stared as Wrex walked towards her. Her face telling the story to Wrex in an instant. He broke out into a run, his biotics flaring in his hands as he ran towards her. “Shepard… Talk to me. Don’t leave me hanging.” Wrex said, positioning himself between Shepard and the Asari. “I… I was just taking with this lady, I think she’s made a mistake. Confused me with someone else.” Wrex stepped forward, “Is that right?” He asked the Asari. “Major Alenko knows where my daughter is… I just want to know where my daughter is…” Wrex turned to Rhylee, “Do you know?” Rhylee shook her head, “No… I wish I did, but I have no idea who she is.” She responded in a strained voice. Wrex turned back to the lady, “You heard the Commander, she doesn’t know them! I think you should leave.” Wrex looked down at the table and started to gather up the photos, “Where’d you get these?” He asked picking up the picture of Bakmor Rix. Rhylee indicated the women in front of her. Wrex stared at the two women, and relaxed a little.

“These are one of the groups your old man has me looking for. They were last on Thessia right?” He looked at the Asari, who nodded apprehensively not trusting the Krogan in front of her. Wrex turned back to Rhylee. Wrex nodded “but my scouts have tracked them down to somewhere in Argos Rho. What’s your interest in them?” He asked directing his question at the Asari. “Ri’li is my daughter, I… I was talking to the Major here about how she sent them to Thessia.” Wrex burst out laughing and turned to Rhylee “What’s Shepard got to do with these? It’s her old man that ran the covert missions.” Wrex continued. “Since he got back he’s has all of us looking for them across the galaxy.” The Asari stared at Wrex, “I don’t understand? What do you mean?” Wrex shuffled the photos and pointed at the human. “We found her… her name is… Jadyn. That’s it, she was on Thessia. Still there, but doing ok, she’s the one who put us onto the others.” Rhylee released a massive sigh behind him and sat down. “Shepard you ok?” Wrex said suddenly turning around. Rhylee nodded “Yes… I think this is starting to make sense.” She gathered up the photos from the table. “Please, I still don’t know who these people are. But, I think my husband does. They must have been one of his biotic teams. Please… it seems he is doing all he can to find them. Wrex, do you know which teams are looking in Argos Rho?” Wrex shuffled to the side, “Yeah kid, the turians have a fleet there. I’d go check with the turian ambassador. He might be able to help.” The Asari nodded and turned back to Rhylee, “I’m sorry, I… just miss my daughter.” She gathered up the photos and stood in front of Rhylee, “Please forgive me.” Rhylee nodded and the Asari walked off towards the Embassies.

“Well… that was different, got any more action for me Shepard?” Wrex said as he took the seat opposite Rhylee. “You have no idea Wrex. I honestly think she was going to kill me.” Rhylee replied nonchalantly. “Are you kidding me? Well, I suppose it’s a good thing I turned up when I did then. Saved your ass again Shepard!” Rhylee laughed as she leaned back in her chair and ordered another orange juice.


	22. A party like no other

The equipment James acquired from Jupiter had been successfully installed on the ship and the retrofit crew were scurrying around and removing the large equipment from the dock around her. Rhylee stared at the SR3, she had remained in dry dock since Kaidan had come back with her several weeks ago. “There you are! I’ve been all over the strip trying to find you. Are you ok? “Kaidan said as he walked up behind her and gently kissed her on the forehead. “I’ve just been here, staring at her...” Kaidan shuffled on the spot as he watched Rhylee reel through the throng of emotions she had been building up over the last few days. “The Normandy will always be your ship my love. These new assignments... are you ok with this?” Kaidan gestured towards the new ship and his new uniform. Rhylee smirked, “I’m more than alright with that...” she indicated his uniform. “It’s safe to say Admiral that if I wasn’t already pregnant, one look at you in that and I would be.” Kaidan blushed as he looked around the docking bay. “Well, it’s not long now, I’ll have to see what I can do about that!” He replied seductively. Rhylee closed her eyes and pushed up on her tip toes, gently kissing him on his lips. Kaidan stroked the side of her face, his thumb rubbing her cheek bone. He sighed “Talk to me...” Rhylee opened her eyes and stared up into his deep brown eyes. “Please Rhy... talk to me. Please, what’s really wrong babe, you’ve not been the same since that run it with the asari woman.” Rhylee dropped her head and snuggled into his chest. Kaidan pulled her closer into a hug, she could feel his firm muscles stiffen just below the neat stitching of his uniform. Rhylee sniffed and stepped back out of the comfort of his embrace. Taking a deep breath she stared back up at him, “It hurts...” concern flashed across his face, he scanned across her body his hands gently brushing over her skin, “where? We need to see Chakwas!” Rhylee raised her arms to stop him, “Kaidan stop! I need you to listen. I’m not in any physical pain. I....” she rubbed the back of her neck and stared at the small patch of space just behind Kaidan’s right arm. “It hurts that... that now I’m pregnant, now I’m like this that I’m overlooked. Passed over and not thought of as Commander Shepard.” She held her hand up to keep him silent. “I... somehow, everyone I knew survived the blast... all except me!” She stepped further wash from Kaidan “I... I disappeared to everyone the moment the crucible fired. No one sees me anymore, they just see this!” She indicated the bump in front of her. “I was Commandeer Shepard... I...” Rhylee stifled a cry as the words left her mouth. “But I have to accept that Commander Shepard died on the Citadel. I’m all that’s left, this!” The anger she had tried to hide rushed to the surface, the disappointment that her sacrifice was forgotten, made the pain twist inside her chest. Subconsciously she rubbed the scar on her left shoulder, “I don’t know what to do anymore!”

Kaidan stared silently at Rhylee, his heart being pulled in so many directions, he waited and let her say what she needed to say. “Babe... No one has forgotten what you did, or who you are.” He took a step closer closing the gap between them. “I am so sorry that everyone was so wrapped up in trying to get everything back to the way it was, no one, including me stopped to think what about...” He stopped and stoked a few strands of hair back behind her ear. “When I found out you were still alive, my world... my world was complete. Seeing you carrying my child, it’s all I ever wanted since falling in love with you all those years ago.” Kaidan took a few steps back and lent on the barrier behind him. “You... you didn’t think you were going to survive did you?” He turned and stared at Rhylee, she looked up at him, her eyes red from tears, “No!” She said slowly shaking her head, “I didn’t, so none of this... none of this was real back then. I was going to die and... And I was ok with that, if it meant you were going to live.” A single tear rolled down her right cheek, Kaidan followed the trial with his eyes as it fell from her chin and soaked into her dress by her collar bone. “It’s ok to feel like this...” Kaidan started, “Rhylee...” she looks at him, his features so saddened but the current situation, “Rhy... do you still want to be with me? Have the baby?” Doubt crept into his eyes, as pure fear chased after it. Rhylee stepped forward, “He’s my love, more than anything I want to be your wife and with you...” She closed her eyes, “I just find this... this, sometimes is just a little overwhelming and I feel like I’m left out. Disregarded and thrown away.” Rhylee bit her bottom lip as she walked past him and leaned on the barrier behind. “The Normandy was my ship, that...” she pointed to the SR3, “that... that’s not my ship baby, it yours!”

Kaidan could feel the tension building in his chest, he wanted to fix how she feels, make her feel wanted, needed but he knew this would be the wrong time to try and fix it. “Rhy... do you want to come and see her, before the party tonight?” Kaidan stared at Rhylee a small smile graced his lips just at the side, Rhylee could never refuse him when he pulled that face. “Ok...”she said nodding as the idea cemented in her mind. “I need to look at the medical bay if this is where this one is going to be born. The new doctor better be good!” Rhylee stopped walking and turned to Kaidan, “The new doctor is good... aren’t they. Please Kaidan I...” Kaidan kissed her lips as the sentence disappeared into his mouth. “You’ll meet them tonight, please babe. I am very fussy who will be delivering our son, please trust me.” Rhylee pouted as she nodded and let out the breath she was holding. “Now, stop doubting yourself. You’re Commander Shepard, savior of the galaxy. I promise you no one is going to forget you, your name or what you did to save us all.”

Rhylee trailed her fingers along the bulkhead as they headed for the main door. “It feels different, as if she’s a dreadnought. The entrance is like the Kilimanjaro, this isn’t...” Rhylee said turning back to Kaidan. “What’s wrong?” She asked staring at his concerned face. “I... I didn’t think about how you might be affected by all this. I thought you would be happy to be back, want to explore without the hazard of reapers out to kill us. We always said we wanted to explore space... it didn’t occur to me that, that could have changed.” Kaidan rubbed his hands over his face and pressed into his eyes until little lightning bolts fired across the back of his eyelids. “Rhylee, listen I am sorry. Sorry we left you behind, sorry I wasn’t there. Sorry for...” Rhylee placed her finger on his lips. “Shush! It’s fine. I think the ship is beautiful. A fine vessel for an admiral... and his family.” Rhylee smiled as she kissed him gently. “Now... Come on sir, show me where I’m going to sleep!”   
______________  
The live music resonated around the dock and bounced off the high fuselage of the Normandy. The party was in full swing as the time drew near for the big reveal. Kaidan charmed his way around the dignitaries, a job Rhylee had always detested. She smiled as he shook hands with Turians and Volus alike. Rhylee was keen to see the new crew and so eagerly looked around the room for the insignia SR3, but everyone was in the new uniform of the United Alliance. Gone for now we’re the battle fleets of the different species, just one unified front an inter-species fleet. Rhylee minded on the edges as more and more people appeared and shook hands with Kaidan. Rhylee wiggled her ankles as the dull ache was beginning to become a searing pain. Looking around she found a table quietly tucked away at the back so she could slip off her shoes and let her feet expand. “You ok?” Rhylee looked up and saw Steven looking down at her. “Admiral, please sit. I’m fine, my feet...” Steven laughed as he took the seat opposite, “Julia always complained about her feet, or her ankles. Every night for the last two months I had to run water into the foot spa.” Steven smiled as he recalled the memory. “Every night she would fall asleep with her feet submerged.” Rhylee smiled as the thought permeated her mind. “It’s all changed now has it?” He continued, “Who we were seems like yesterday’s news, you, me... Anderson. Quickly forgotten as the days turn into weeks.” Rhylee stared at him as he described exactly how she felt. Steven took hold of her hand, as it lay on the table in front of him. “You know it’s ok don’t you? That we can feel sidelined even though that’s not the case. I’m now have the fancy title of quadrant Admiral. What the hell is that meant to be?” Rhylee laughed as she saw the pure confusion in the Admiral’s mind. “It’s just hard you know... Hard not to be a little resentful...” Steven nodded as she continued to describe the dilemma and bitterness she had been building. “Well! You will get a statue out of this, and a new battalion in the United Alliance, I don’t think you’re being forgotten.” Rhylee grimaced, “I am by them.” She turned and indicated the people standing and mingling around them. “But not to those that matter, not to the ones who care and fought to hell and back to be at your side. We’ll never forget... ever!” Rhylee squeezed his hand that remained with hers on the table. “Thank you Sir, truly for everything you have done... and more.” 

The music had begun to die down and e erroneous was beginning to take their allotted seats. Kaidan was still charming all the patrons and crew and smiled broadly as he caught Rhylee’s eye. A warm feeling flooded through Rhylee’s system as she knew he was hating every minute of it. Now everyone was at the same level, Rhylee eagerly looked around and was shocked at who was present, a now very pregnant Liara was there, along with Javik. Kaidan had reached their table and readily hugged the pair. Javik in his new Alliance uniform, Rhylee leaned forward to try and catch the insignia on his arm. Frustration coursed through her as she still hadn’t seen his new assignment.

Rhylee continue to watch as Kaidan walked up onto a stage and started to indicate those surrounding him should quite down. “Come on Admiral, we’ve not got all day!” A familiar voice called out, making Rhylee spin around. “First I would like to welcome you all here tonight, on this tremendous occasion of the naming of our new ship.” Kaidan paused and indicated towards the Normandy as she hung in the sky-dock. “It is strange standing here, talking to you all, something I never imaged to do, let alone as a married man.” Pride and admiration poured from him as he beamed at the ring on his finger. “We all know that without, Commander Shepard, and her sacrifice we would never have come to this point. So I would like to you all raise your glasses and toast, the tenacious and inspiring Commander Shepard.” All those around her stood and held their glasses aloof and toasted to her good health and gratitude. As they sat down again, Kaidan indicated she should raise. Rhylee did and that all those around her with tears in her eyes. As she sat down Kaidan continued with his prepared speech. “I want to thank you all for coming to this launch party, and for those of you who are crew, for signing on and agreeing to go back out into space with me.” Kaidan blushed a little, as a hint of embarrassment edged into his thoughts. “In this privileged position, I am lucky, I have been able to hand pick this crew, and each of you have been gracious to come on this voyage with me.” He paused and looked around the room, “So many old faces, good friends I could not be without. Those that I trust with those most precious to me.” He paused and stared at Rhylee. As a silent conversation occurred between them, Kaidan smiled and continued. “The Reaper War was won, but not without our losses. The mass relays are still limited. We have many reinstated but other systems are still inaccessible to us. We must reconnect all that was lost. This is our primary mission, so that brings me...” he hesitated as he looked through the crowd, as if searching for someone. “My biggest regret is we lost someone very dear to us all as we escaped the blast...”

Kaidan left the podium and walked across the stage, past the front tables, and headed to the back of the room. “It’s been 91 days since we returned to the Citadel after being... after the battle for Earth. In that time we have gained lots of friends and lost many others.” He circled the crowd, intermingling with those seated at the back. “Many of you were with me on the journey back, some of you knew. So I thought I would introduce a few people...” He walked over to Greg Adams, “Everyone, this is Engineer Adams, he has served on the SR1 and 2 with me, I am excited to say he joins us on 3, with the best shuttle pilot in the fleet. His husband Steve. I am eternally grateful for you Steve, in London, on Dis. I owe you so much.” Kaidan bent down and kissed his forehead, “Thank you.” Steve laughed, “Don’t think you three can leave us behind, my godson will need me.” A cheer from Rhylee’s position echoed around the room. Kaidan smiled and continued onwards, “This is the new head of security and Krogan liaison Urgnot Grunt. “ Grunt nodded as he walked past, Kaidan introduced several others and then stopped by a fair haired young man. He placed both hands on his shoulders. “This... this everybody is Sam.” Kaidan paused as he cleared his throat, the emotion running thick in his voice. “This is Sam Tremblay, he is kind enough to have agreed to join Dr Chakwas in our medical team. I need to explain, while we travelled back, Commander Shepard, was fighting for her life in several different ways. Sam here saved her multiple times. Saved her... and my son. For that I am truly grateful.” Kaidan pulled him up onto a massive hug and held him tightly as the audience around them continued to cheer and clap. 

Kaidan ran his hand through his beard. “91 days, it doesn’t sound long, but in that time. I found out I was going to be a father, got married and promoted. Then I was given this wonderful ship to continue my life on. Life... a word so easily thrown around, but so difficult to quantify. The SR2 came home due to the tenacity of one man... "Joker.... where is he, Joker.... Can you come up here for me?" Jeff looked up at Kaidan, a desperate plead left his eyes,. “Everyone this is Jeff “Joker” Moreau, the best pilot I have ever met... sorry Steve!” He exclaimed. “No bad, different class of ship, you can’t compare us!” Steve replied to claps around the room. “Jeff here...” Kaidan continued, “Jeff brought us all home, and since we returned we’ve barely seen you.” Jeff shook his head. Kaidan walked around him to face him. “I wanted you to be part of this journey, but I understand why you kept your distance, but now your back. Rhylee and I wanted to repay you for bringing us back together.” Kaidan paused and turned to Rhylee, “sorry baby, I couldn’t risk telling you in case it didn’t work, only Garrus and Vega knew, I’m sorry for keeping it secret. But I wanted Joker to know that it was your insight that allowed us to try...” Kaidan put both of his hands on Jeff's shoulders and looked directly at him "I made you a promise, in my darkest hour, I promised you.” Joker began to shake his head, Kaidan placed his forehead of his. “Not once did you doubt me, or leave anyone behind." Joker coughed as he stared across at Rhylee, "that was different, we had no choice. You are a brilliant man, Joker." Kaidan turned to face the throng of people. "You may not know this but, a long time ago we became best friends. I said to him I would never, ever let you down..." Kaidan lent in and whispered into his ear "Don't doubt my wife… she has always had your back! This is from me and Shepard, it took some doing, but..." Kaidan turned his head to indicate towards the Normandy. The beams of light shot up into the night sky, illuminating the hull, Normandy SR3 emblazoned on the side. As rockets flew into the sky and exploded the doors of 5he cargo hold opened. The figure of a women began to walk towards them. "Jeff...” Kaidan said holding his shoulders. “Meet the Normandy's new defense Specialist..." Joker swallowed as his eyes adjusted to the light, his hand covered his mouth to stifle the cry as it left his lips. He turned and looked at a Kaidan, “How?” Kaidan shrugged and pointed back towards the woman walking towards them. Jeff stepped forward and held out his arm..."EDI!"


	23. Call me

The dry dock was alive with activity, families were coming and going, making the place hum with excitement and anticipation. Rhylee lent on the barrier as she watched James brush a piece of hair out of Ann’s face, the party the night before had been exceptional. Rhylee’s chest tightened as she thought through Kaidan making the departure speech. Too many emotions, the words still resonate in her mind...

"It has been a long journey to get here. We have fought too many enemies, and too often we have fought among ourselves. But this is family, the Normandy has stood strong, and held fast. Today we strive forward like her, our new designation reflecting our time together. We are on to the next stage, the war won. The reapers gone. We have lost friends along the way, too many. But now we are ready to go and find others. Our mission is new, our crew, some old, some new." Kaidan paused as he cleared his throat. "We have heard rumours and leads that we are going to follow to find resources, to reconnect those whom went adrift. We will not stop on the edge of Sol, we will continue into the stars. Ad Astra per aspera."

“Why look so down?” Hackett said as he approached from behind. Rhylee wiped her lips and turned, forcing a smile at him, “It’s hard, you know. I’m not sure if I can...” she let the words hang between them. Hackett sighed, “it will be hard. I’m not going to lie to you Shepard. But you... you have so much to live for, please don’t lose it through doubt.” Rhylee silently closed the gap between them, pulling him into a hug. As she sniffed into his chest, she could feel his arms squeeze her tightly. “I don’t think there’s anyone in this universe who loves you more, you know that don’t you?” He asked pulling her off his chest. “Rhylee... you do know that don’t you.” He tipped her head up to look him in the eyes. “Alenko is yours, I saw how you looked at the party. He’s not going to leave you.” Rhylee bit her lower lip, “I... I haven’t told anyone I thought that. How did you know?” She asked confused. Steven nodded, “it was the same look you would give you mother when she left on missions. You were convinced she wasn’t coming back. You looked like that last night, when you looked at Alenko talking with the crew.” She wiped the tears from her cheek. “Everyone is so happy, getting on with their lives... but so many aren’t here anymore. I’m... I’m scarred I’ll lose him.” She dropped her face into his chest again, pulling back she ran her hand over Steven’s cheek. “How... how do you carry on? Mason and Lucas are gone... how?” As Steven’s eyes welled with tears he kissed Rhylee’s forehead. “We hope. We hope that Mason going to Andromeda was the right choice, and we hope Lucas... and Lucas we hope will someday be found. No wreckage was found, his ship just disappeared. All we can do is hope.” Breaking eye contact he pulled her into another hug. “Listen, enough moping. Let’s go and see your new ship. Show me around.”

The Normandy, SR3 was a massive frigate. She looked like the SR2, the same slick lines and jagged edges, just massive in comparison. In this new age of galactic unity, each ship was now being decked out for exploration rather than war. The changes to accommodate the family quarters were subtle. They had both been impressed at how much of the SR2 was mimicked. They both stopped at the memorial wall, too many names looked back at them, Thane Krios... Mordin Solas. Rhylee couldn’t look at the Admiral’s name. Shaking her head she slowly moved on, running her fingers over Legion’s name. Fighting off more tears she continued down the corridor. “There you are! I’ve been worried sick about you!” Kaidan said as he approached them from engineering. He paused and stroked Rhylee’s cheek, his calloused thumb becoming moist as he brushed her skin. As he stared into her eyes, she told him a thousand words in the silence. Kaidan closed his eyes and pulled her into a hug, his strong arms reassuring her, and mending some of the cracks she was falling into in. “I’ll leave you two and go and check on the crew.” Steven said as he nodded at Kaidan and continued up the corridor.  
\--------  
Rhylee woke suddenly, uncertainty of where she was coursed through her, pulling herself up, she sat on the edge their bed. The stars above streaming down, their light stretched out into long arching ribbons before her eyes. The distant hum of the engines on cruise, calmed her. Placing her hand to the side a reassuring “you ok?” As Kaidan felt her touch him, brought a smile to her face, as she quietly said yes, he pulled her hand on closer, a gesture that was always a comfort to her. Taking back her hand she rubbed her eyes as images of Ilos flashed through her mind. Rhylee shook her head in confusion, alone in the cabin before the suicide mission cuddling her picture of Kaidan and finally before London flooded her mind. All passed event that were somehow flooding her mind and consuming her thoughts. 

She closed her eyes and tried to get more sleep. Three weeks to go now, and the sleeplessness was beginning to ware on her. They had left Earth 2 weeks ago and she was just about acclimatised to space again. It was just a shakedown mission, out to the edge of Sol and back again. Rhylee’s eyes dropped as she shifted on the bed to watch Kaidan sleeping. The rise and fall of his chest was mesmerising to her, she stared at his taunt chest. Leaning in she kissed each pec, caressing the small details of his body. 

"I want you..." Rhylee whispered into Kaidan's ear. "I need you to take me, hard and fast Admiral," she nibbled his ear as she stroked down his chest towards his shaft. His reaction was immediate, his rigid member was waiting for her when she worked her way down his naked body. She loved that he always slept naked. At night sometimes as he dreamed the blue glow of his mass effect fields covered his body. She use to lay awake at night just watching the fields ripple across his skin as he slept. As she made her field touch him, sparks literally flew between them. "Rhylee, is this a good idea?” Kaidan murmured sleepily, “We only have three weeks to go...." The rest of Kaidan's concerns were consumed as Rhylee’s incessant kissing distracted him from his chain of thought. "Take it from me, we both want him out now! I have read loads of books, and one why to start this up is to repeat what put him there in the first place. A lot!" Kaidan's lips came crashing down onto Rhylee’s and consumed any further comments she was about to give. To distract him from protesting further Rhylee's thumb brushed over his tip, his precum bubbling to the surface, which in this light made his end glisten.

"Do it for me, turn it on..." Kaidan knew what she wanted, opposed from being repulsed by his biotics, she loved it and encouraged him to use it during the time he made love to her. The blue wave drifted over his body, the wisps looking like blue flames consuming him slowly. Rhylee, lifted her enlarged form up and took her fill of him in one go. The shudder from Kaidan made Rhylee drip more down his shaft. "We take it slow this time....." Kaidan couldn't finish his sentence as Rhylee started to thrust back and forth faster and faster. That was becoming the theme tonight. "I know what I want to call him..... David Steven Alenko. After two important people in our lives". All Kaidan could do was nod as she got faster and faster.

"Ohhhh... I want it deeper. Deeper Kaidan!" Rhylee's climax gripped hold of Kaidan's shaft, undoing him, he simultaneously came with her, Rhylee's climax milking him for all of his juices. "Ohhhh Major!" He called out. Rhylee fell to the side and laid there filled to the brim with Kaidan’s seed. Kaidan leant over and kissed her. She responded in kind and then pushed him off, "I need a shower Admiral, can you excuse me..." Rhylee lumbered across the bed, levering herself upwards and headed for the shower. "What!? Why so formal Rhy?"

"This is what I love about biotics when you climax, you have no recollection of what you say!” She said as she continued towards the shower. Kaidan sat up on the bed, “I... I don’t understand, what did I do?” He asked concern punctuating his words. Rhylee looked back around the corner, “You called me... when we came, you...you called me Major! Not my love, wife, Rhylee or another name. You called *me* Major!” The colour in Kaidan's face drained away as he remembered what he had said. "I am sorry, I know you don’t like..." Rhylee held up her hand, “No! Just don’t do it again!” She said returning to the shower. “Ow” Rhylee said as she stepped into the shower. “You ok my love?” Kaidan called from the bedroom. “Yes,! I’m fine I just stubbed my toe on the shower tray.” “OK” Kaidan replied as he fell back onto the bed pulling the covers over his head, “Call me if you need me.”


	24. Arrive

Rhylee spun the rings on her finger absentmindedly. The wedding was eleven weeks ago, and she continued to play with the rings as she and James walked into the right observation deck for their weekly poker game. "Lola, are you ok? It just seems you are having issues today..... Walking and all?" As Rhylee looked up, a quick retort in mind, she hesitated as the look on James' face was only etched with concern and worry. "No... No I'm fine, he's just dropped today and he is really pressing on my..." Rhylee turned and looked at the concerned face of James “You don't want to hear the details. Come on let's do this, I'll split the deck. Liara, want to play?"

The spymaster was miles away, as she turned she caressed her now significant bump, a sight which is much to the joy of the crew and especially Javik. "I'm ok Shepard, I am just waiting for Javik to get off shift, and then we have an appointment with Dr Chakwas." Rhylee was still a little stiff from another very early morning session with Kaidan, as she tried to pull herself up out of her chair to walk over to Liara. James jumped from his seat to help the Major get safely to her destination. "Thanks James.” Rhylee said as his hand pulled her up. She patted him on the arm as she smiled as she past him. “Liara, what is wrong?" Liara looked up at Rhylee, trying to see around the bump she was now carrying. "Oh... Nothing, really it's nothing. Just a day of emotions for me. Javik left early this morning, no hug, kiss or even a goodbye. I've been in a bad mood about that ever since" Rhylee smiled at the thought of what would happen to Kaidan if he ever done that. "Are you sure you’re ok?" The strain on Rhylee's face evident to James as he watched her rubbing her back for the third time in 10 minutes. "Hey, Lola, where's the Admiral at?" The concern growing on James' face. Rhylee turned to look at him, "he's with Garrus doing calibrations," the snort that left Liara's mouth made Rhylee laugh as she sussed out what she had just said. As Rhylee turned back to James, his omnitool closed with a snap "come on Lola, let's play this game."

Rhylee had beaten him twice so far, the wincing had continued, so had the rubbing of the side. It was every few minutes now. "So tell me Lola, are biotics better in bed than N7s?" Rhylee looked at James, the puzzlement of his new tactic throwing her off guard "Why ask James, you offering to teach me the error of my ways?" James shifted awkwardly in his chair "whoa, I was just asking. You, pregnant with the Admiral's kid. I know where not to tread!" Rhylee took a sudden intact of air, followed by her shifting awkwardly in her chair. James looked at his watch, then at the door and back to Rhylee "Nah, I'm just messing you with James, no need to worry on that front, and between Anderson, Kai Lang and yourself, no offence without a doubt biotics are better."

"Fair enough." James looked at his watch again, where was Kaidan he thought, he said it was urgent. "So when are you going to take the plunge and make an honest woman of Anneliese?" Rhylee enquired, one eyebrow raised. James almost choked on his drink. "How do you know about that?" The concern he was expressing was difficult to miss. "James can you be any more naive. EDI saw all back before London, Liara is the shadowbroker, THE shadowbroker! You thought you two could keep that a secret. Honestly that's as funny as Wrex changing a baby's nappy!"

Rhylee started to laugh and held her side as she did so, pausing she turned and watched as the door slid open and Kaidan walked in, with Ann. James relaxed as relief flooded his systems. Kaidan continued across the room, kissed Rhylee on the forehead "hello, my love, all well with you?" James's face giving away the situation as Rhylee winced again at the growing pain. Kaidan seeing for himself what was so urgent. Nodding at James, he turned back to Rhylee "What have you two been talking about to have James that colour?"

"I'm not sure, shall we ask Ann?" Ann went an unusual shade of scarlet and she looked at James in a "you didn't" fashion. "Liara told us Ann, it's her job to know these sort of things" as Liara looked up from the datapad, "don't bring me into your sordid conversation." She said bluntly. As Kaidan stood confused on the matter he looked at Rhylee, "Hey, what I miss... Rhylee tell me," Rhylee resumed laughing, "It’s time for us to leave, before Vega loses his N7 coolness." Kaidan held his arm out for Rhylee to grab, which she took without hesitation. As the door opened for them to leave, Javik came in, nodded and then went and sat with Liara.

Kaidan grabbed Rhylee's hand and kissed it gently "I do love you Mrs Alenko." Rhylee smiled and held his hand "As I love you....ohhhhh" Rhylee pulled her hand out of Kaidan's and grasped her bump "Ow, that hurts. Kaidan I think..." As the gush of waters cascaded onto the floor and all over Kaidan's trousers and shoes, it gave away the situation.

"Let's get you to Dr Chakwas," said Kaidan glad that James called him. "But Liara will kill me," came Rhylee’s quick reply. Kaidan kissed her forehead as he tried to shake his foot dry without her noticing. "No... No I don't think so." When Kaidan and Rhylee made it to the medical bay, it was clear that Karin was eagerly awaiting for them to arrive.


	25. And smiled

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's time for David's arrival, but with all her injuries, and their past its not plain sailing for the Alenko's.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This involves childbirth, and the fears that go with it. If not your thing then please don't read it.

"How long is this going to last?" Rhylee screamed, she had been in labour now for just over 10 hours, her patience was wearing thin and her body was fighting everything she was trying to do to alleviate the pain. "You did this Alenko...You and your bloody erotic blue glow...”She grabbed his shirt and pulled him in close, “You did this!” She pushed him away. “I ran into a particle beam, a fucking particle beam.” She started to gesticulate her arms in the air, “I...”she hit herself in the chest, “I blew up the crucible, I crashed onto a dying space station, and I met leviathans...” She gripped the side of the bed. “Nothing compares to this, and you...” Pointing at Kaidan, ”You did it to me..aaarrrrhhh.” 

Kaidan was grateful that another contraction had consumed her enough to stop the berating, he understood it was to be expected. But, it didn’t stop the ache inside his chest, he did do this to her... "Oh no...” Rhylee continued as the contraction subsided. “I was so stupid, one look at you on Eden Prime and my heart was yours...” She grabbed him once again, “Are you listening! One fucking look Kaidan!” She pulled him in and kissed him, “How is that possible? Is it a biotic thing?” Kaidan shrugged and went to answer. “No! No, don't answer yet I’ve not finished... Then Ilos, completely lose myself to you then, God you were so good... I wanted you so badly." Rhylee grabbed hold of Kaidan and pulled him closer whispering in his ear "I still want you just as badly as the first time Alenko!" Kissing him she grabs for his manhood, “Rhy! Baby I’m not sure… the Doc will be back...” Rhylee grabbed at him so more, “I am so horny for you right now... seriously Kaidan, please...”

Kaidan brushed the strips of coloured hair away from Rhylee's eyes as sweat and tears stuck it to her forehead "Shepard.” He kissed her softly on her cheek. “Baby, you will be able to do this, I know you will...” As the next contraction consumed her, the tears started to fall again, her demeanor changing again as the pain consumed her. “You! How can you do this to me?” She pushed him away again only to burst out crying, “You... you left me, on Horizon you left me… Me the one whose heart you owned, you...” she jabbed him in the chest. “You left me...” She turned away and started to push herself off the bed. “Baby, please stop.” Kaidan rushed to her side pressing the call button as he stood beside her trying to prevent her falling off. “Rhy, please. I’m sorry about Horizon, I regret nothing more. Please baby stay with me...” Rhylee froze, her bottom lip quivered, and she brushed over his cheek with her hand, “I didn't think I could feel that bad again!” She kissed him gently, “but no, oh no, Mars, on Mars I nearly lose you...” the tears were streaming down her face. She started to hit his chest each hit getting weaker as it went, “Stop doing that Alenko, my heart cannot take it....... Aaaaarrrrhhhhhh.” The contraction contorted her body as she continued to fight the pain. “Shit Rhy, please. I can’t take you like this...” Kaidan pleaded. He anxiously looked at the door and wondered where Chakwas was. Resolutely he climbed up onto the bed he pulled Rhylee into his arms. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there on Horizon, I’m sorry I wasn’t there on the Citadel.” He kissed the top of her head as she relaxed into his embrace. “I’m so sorry I failed you, I should have been there...” Rhylee looked up at him, her hand stroking his face. “You’re here now!” She said as a wave of calm spread around the room. He bent down and kissed her, just as another contraction consumed her and pulled her away from him.

“Kaidan, I... I need you to know...” Rhylee gritted through her teeth. “You are fucking gorgeous!” She panted through the surge, “You are overwhelmingly the love of my life... You did this to me... You...you... and I would do it again in a heartbeat." As Rhylee concentrated on her breathing, Kaidan choked back the tears and looked at Karin, hoping for something, anything to resolve this. He shook his head at the doctor, “Please Doc, she needs relief. Please...” Karin tapped away at the console to the side, “I’m sorry Admiral she 9cm, it’s not good for the baby to administer drugs at this point.” Kaidan pulled Rhylee further into him. He hated he was the cause of this pain, all the files wrote about this, told him this would happen but nothing explained this. This total loss of control for either of them. True fear flooded his system, a shimmer of blue flashed over his body. He wanted to fix this, make Rhylee better...

Twenty minutes later Karin smiled as she came back into the room. "Major... Rhylee..., you’re fully dilated. Are you ready to have your baby?” Karin asked as she watched Rhylee grab hold of Kaidan’s arms, pulling him tight around her. Rhylee dropped her head back and rested on his upper arm, completely ignoring the question Chakwas just asked. “I’m tired… I think I’ll sleep now.” She replied. Kaidan scrambled to see her face, “Doc… Is she ok?” An alarm started to sound to the left, a simple beeping noise that repeatedly thumped into Kaidan’s chest. “Admiral, get her onto her side… left side.” As he tipped her over to the side, Rhylee looked up and smiled at him. “I really do love you, you know that don’t you?” The corners of Kaidan’s eyes started to edge with blue as he looked down at his wife. “What’s wrong baby?” She asked stroking his face, “Why are you scared?” Kaidan looked between Rhylee and Chakwas, “Talk to me Doc… I thought she should be in agony about now, instead she’s tripping out on us!” Karin looked up at him from the bottom of the bed, the fear in her eyes explaining it all. “Her blood pressure has dropped, she’s suffering from hypoxia. Wait! She having another contraction, Admiral get her to push.”

Kaidan smoothed her hair back out of her face. “Come on my love… push my love push." Rhylee looked up at him, her head arching backwards to see his face. “Ok…” As her face became confused Kaidan could tell she was truly trying to follow his order. Karin looked up from the datapad she had just inserted some instructions into. "That’s it my dear and you'll both be parents soon, a couple more big pushes.......That's it, push, push, push, push...... his head is crowning!" 

Rhylee could feel her son, the burning was paralyzing. It was odd, her whole body was floating except for that one single ring of fire. She frowned as she tried to work out what was happening. As time appeared to slow down around her, she could hear the other people coming into the room, Kaidan begging her to push with all she could. But that burning feeling, it’s like nothing else she had experienced. The tone around her had changed, Kaidan was now shouting at someone else, ordering them to save her. She smiled as a familiar figure stood just to the side in her field of view. “You came back…”

“Doc, please save my wife…” Kaidan paused as he looked back at Rhylee who lay in his lap. “Who came back? Doc whose she talking too?”

Rhylee lifted her hand and reached for… “Why did you come back? I made it off the Citadel, I’m on the Normandy…” Rhylee looked up, moving her hand to stroke Kaidan’s face, “I made it back to him… he’s here with me look.” She pulled Kaidan down and kissed him, the look of total surprise mixed with anguish masked his face. 

“Who you talking to baby? Please Rhylee a few more minutes of pushing and the Doc can fix you. Please push for me.”

Rhylee laughed and pushed right into her bottom once again, the burning pain starting to rip into her back and side. “It really hurts, but if he…” Rhylee closed her eyes and concentrated on pushing, “I’m so tired… I want to sleep.” Kaidan kissed her on the head, “He’s nearly here my love, please just concentrate on pushing, that’s it….”

Everything went dark, the room around her was so loud, alarms, beeps and voices shouting. She screwed her eyes tightly shut and slowly the noises faded into the distance, a calm swept over her body and she relaxed into the silence and darkness. “No. No. No!” a voice said to the side of her. Rhylee opened her eyes and the darkness remained. Frowning she sat up and stared into the distance. Slowly a column of blue light appeared pulsating, too far away to touch, but it was getting closer.

“No!” Rhylee turned and watched as someone started to walk towards her. “Not good at all. No, no no.” the voice said as it came closer. “Not good at all. You’re not meant to be here. This will not do!” Rhylee stared as the body of Mordin rematerialised in front of her. He walked up and down as if examining her, “No, no. Must send you back. Not ready for you yet. Must go back. But how?” Rhylee watched him then shifted to look behind him. The blue light was getting closer and closer. Mordin stopped and stared at her. Turning he looked in the direction she was. “You see that blue light?” He asked, Rhylee nodded. “I want that blue light more than anything.” Mordin squealed with excitement. “Excellent. Not all is lost!” he exclaimed. “Simple. Get you to accept blue light. Simple.”

Rhylee scoffed as she stared at Mordin. “Uncovered surprising data. You and the Admiral are linked. Not seen before. Unique.” Rhylee started to laugh, but remained silent as she continued to stare at the light. “Yes, yes. Of course. That is the answer. Why did I not see it?” Mordin walked behind the bed she was laying on and started to push Rhylee towards the blue light. “Major… you need to follow the light. Go to the Admiral. You must follow him.” Rhylee yawned as if tired with the conversation, “Mordin, it’s nice and quiet here. Can’t I just stay for a bit?” Mordin reappeared in front of her. “NO! Already too long. Must go now. Things to do. People to save. Must be there. Must make him go.” Mordin held out his hand and took hold of Rhylee. She stood and stared at the light. Hesitating she turned to Mordin. “It can’t be Kaidan look!” She pointed towards it, “there’s two blue lights not one.” Mordin smiled, “trust me. Meet the other one you must. Trust me Shepard.”

Rhylee stepped forward into the light and found herself falling downwards, she hit the floor with a jolt, her whole body convulsed upwards. “We’ve got sinus rhythm. The repair is holding.” A distant voice said. “Thank you Doc, I don’t know what I would have done…” There were shuffling of feet and a chair scraping on the floor. “It’s all good Admiral. She’ll sleep for a bit, but she’ll be awake before you know it.” 

Rhylee opened her eyes and the overhead light was on dim. Slowly she looked around the room, taking stock of the monitors and machines in the corner. She pulled at the nasal tube on her face and tried to sit up, her left side aching and protesting each inch she moved. As her eyes adjusted a person slumped in a chair came into focus, his clothes still messy, his hair just out of bed ruffled and his head leaning to the side, his shoulder at an awkward angle. Rhylee smiled as it became clear Kaidan was fast asleep in the chair with one hand in a crib, and a baby tightly gripping his little finger fast asleep. She bit her bottom lip and sucked on it as she pondered her next move. A call button lay on the bed next to her hand and she pressed it and waited.

As the door silently creaked open, she was surprised to see Steven walk in and look confused as he stared at Kaidan asleep in the chair. “I thought I would let them sleep.” She said in a dry husky voice. “Shepard!” He responded, “Wait… no he’ll want to be woken up for this. He hasn’t left you side for…” Steven stopped short of saying for how long she had been in the bed. Gently he pushed on the Admiral’s shoulder. “Alenko… wake up.” Kaidan murmured as he turned, Steven shook him again. “Kaidan...” He slowly opened his eyes, confusion over why Steven was standing so close to him, “Sir?” he enquired, Steven stepped back and indicated the bed. Rhylee looked straight at him and smiled.


	26. Life carry's on

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the Kudos. I've had this in my mind for sometime, you could say it was inevitable. I was concerned about adding this to the story, but its a new arch and will follow through in my other mass effect fanfics. I am also adding some one shots I have written about my Shepard and Kaidan pre ME and from the games. Please have a look at them if you wish.

The sliding of the door was so quite Rhylee wasn’t sure if anyone was there to start with. Karin crept into the room and tiptoed across to her. Rhylee remained silent as Karin accessed the panel to the left and smiled as she read the read outs in front of her. “Karin, we live on a Frigate, I think he’s going to need to get use to the sounds of the ship. “ Rhylee said, nursing David on her left breast. “May I sit?” Karin asked indicating the edge of the bed next to Rhylee. “Of course.” Rhylee said a frown creasing her brow. “What’s wrong?” Karin shook her head, “nothing really,” Karin shook her head again, “I shouldn’t have come to concern you with this.” Karin moved to stand up. Rhylee grabbed her arm and pulled her down. “Karin… talk to me. What’s troubling you?” Karin sighed as she forced a weak smile at Rhylee and held her hand as it rested on her leg. “I… There’s something wrong with the Admiral.” Rhylee automatically stiffened, as she indicated for Karin to continue. “I’m not sure… But he’s had a migraine for two days now, and this one is different.” Rhylee pulled David in tighter, and she controlled her breathing as panic started to encroach her mind. “I don’t understand. He was fine earlier. He looked tired, but… I didn’t notice anything.” Karin stood abruptly, “This is why I didn’t want to mention anything. I didn’t want you to panic.” Rhylee shook her head. “No Karin, it was important for you to tell me. How is this different from the hundreds of others?” Karin calmed and returned to the bed. “Normally he would retreat for a few hours, get his meds from me and all is well. But, this time…” Karin subconsciously shook her head, “this time, his biotics are off. He’s really not well. I want him to come and see me, but with everything going on…” Rhylee unlatched David and started to wind him, “What do you mean?” Karin turned and faced Rhylee, “Three other ships are docked with us, I’m not sure why. Kaidan has been with them since 09:00 yesterday. When not with them he’s with you.” Rhylee shuffled on the bed, placing David down in front of her. ”Do you want me to go find him and talk to him?” She looked down at David as he cooed himself to sleep on a full stomach. Looking back up at Karin, “He’s taken both of the boobs today. Seriously he’s sucking me dry Doc.” Karin laughed, “I’m not surprised he’s a big lad Major. You and the Admiral definitely make fantastic kids.” Rhylee nodded. “I’ll go find him, get him to come to you. Would you be ok to watch David for a bit, I’ll go and see Kaidan.” Karin frowned, “You’ve got another two days of bed rest yet Major. Those wounds aren’t going anywhere soon.” Rhylee pulled the lead off of the back of her hand, “Please Doc, ten minutes. You wouldn’t have come to see me if it wasn’t critical.” Karin nodded as Rhylee pulled on her casual attire, wincing as she raised her left arm up to slip on her top. “Not a word doc!”

“EDI... where’s the Admiral?” Rhylee asked as she walked steadily down the corridor, her legs still weak from the few days of inactivity. “He’s in the CIC. But, you’re meant to be in bed.” Rhylee waved EDI dismissively with her right arm. “The Doc has let me out for 10 minutes. Please EDI.” Entering the lift Rhylee heard the faint agreement as she closed the comm link. As the lift door opened Garrus stood in the way, “And why, oh, why are you out of bed?” He said in a faux stern voice. “Hi Garrus. Something is up with Kaidan, the doc is worried. I’m going to talk to him.” Garrus relaxed his shoulders, “She came and spoke to you then?” Rhylee looked at Garrus, “You knew?” Garrus held his hands out, “I asked the doc to talk to him. He raised his biotics in an argument with Jacob. I’ve never seen him that angry.” Rhylee walked forward and pushed Garrus out the way. “Look I’ll talk to him…” 

Rhylee opened the door to the CIC to an onslaught of raised voices. As she stepped forward, she watched silently as Jonathan Hackett pointed at the star map with two other Captains who had their backs to her. Voices were raised and overlapped each other. Rhylee listened as they argued over the best possible route through the Nebula. Her breath faltered as she caught sight of Kaidan. His eyes were sunken and distance. As his raised his hand to rub his temples Rhylee saw the flicker of his biotics on the tips of his fingers. Beside him stood her mother with clear despair on her face. Rhylee watched as a blue shimmer oscillated over Kaidan’s skin, and closed his eyes as he rubbed the back of his neck.

“The Vallhallan Threshold is not the safest route at the moment. How do you propose we make the additional scans that are needed?” Jonathan said, his biotics just quivering under his out stretched hand. “I’m not sure Captain maybe we should ask your Admiral?” The Captain aimed at Hannah. “It is clear that you are not willing or capable of making the decisive decision needed.” Rhylee froze as recognition of the voice coursed through her system. She didn't need to see his face to know his voice. She slowly edged backwards into the shadow of the door frame. The taller captain, she knew all too well continued. “Recently the Manila update was not looking good. Are you proposing we ignore the raise in attacks?” The table vibrated as Johnathan slammed his hand down. “Do not accuse us of not heeding the warnings. We need to ensure that passage is safe. Entering into the system without scans is foolhardy. I will not risk our ships, especially if one of them is the Amokura.” Rhylee watched as the Captain of the Asmodeus pushed the table away from himself and started to stride towards Jonathan. In a blink of an eye, Kaidan flicked his hand and the striding Captain hung in the air.

“Admiral, put me down. I demand it!” Kaidan continued to stare, his eyes glassy, Chakwas was right Rhylee thought. The pain of the realisation stabbed into her chest. “Listen, the orders are clear. The Normandy and the Orizaba will proceed to the Vallhallan Threshold. We will clear the Threshold of raiding Vorcha. We can...” he stumbled on the words as he rubbed the side of his head. “We’ll... Check on the Manila and ensure the scans can take place. In the meanwhile the Amokura and the Asmodeus can proceed to the Hourglass Nebula.” The hanging Captain begun to protest. “No! Listen!” Kaidan said his eyes glowing an intense blue. “If the Manila is right. If the Vorcha have increased their raids, it will not be safe. The Amokura is too vital wo over recovery.” Kaidan turned and looked at Hannah. The Asmodeus Captain protested again, “We are all fools if we think the Vorcha are doing anything other than trying to get to Israfil. It is the source of EHE.” Kaidan drew the man higher into the air, “I am fully aware of the risks!” Kaidan titled his head to the side, inspecting the Captain, “I am fully aware of the reports from the Manila. But we can’t risk, no we will not risk the Amokura and its crew. 2500 souls is a lot. Especially if the Council see fit to put all the best scientific minds together. Recolonisation of this sector, repair of the relays. All rely on the Amokura.” Kaidan rubbed the back of his neck, his grip still firm on the captain that hung in the air. “At 07:00 tomorrow, we’ll all depart, you two...” he indicated the two Captains “can rendezvous with us at Israfil in a few days. Once! Once we have verified it is clear for the Amokura to enter the Threshold.” Kaidan lowered the man to the floor, “Any questions?” He looked sternly between the two of them, both responding with a shake of the head. “Ok, Captains I will escour....” Kaidan stopped as he caught sight of Rhylee standing silently by the doorway. 

“Major, I...” He stumbled with his words, keen not to display affection or concern in front of the other Captains. Rhylee stepped forward, “I wanted to speak with you Admiral. I am sorry I did not know this was such a... complex meeting.” She grasped at her side, her hand trembling a little as she breathed through the spasm of pain. “Ok then!” Kaidan’s eyes widened in response to her pain. He turned and stared at Hannah, who appeared to read his mind and nodded in agreement. “Major. I’ll come with you now. Please excuse me.” He saluted the others and turned to leave. “No… It’s fine.” Rhylee held up her right hand in protest, “It can wait.” She walked forward and stood next to Jonathan. “Look I’ll speak with Captain Hackett while you escort the other Captains off the ship.” Rhylee said, avoiding eye contact with the Captain of the Asmodeus. Kaidan shook his head and frowned as if he really didn’t understand what was going on. “Honestly Sir, it can wait.” Rhylee turned towards Jonathan, “Captain, May I join you?” Jonathan nodded, “Yes Major, please.” He indicated the side door and they both walked out leaving Kaidan staring after them. 

“Rhy, why the hell are you not in bed?” Jonathan asked as he pulled his cousin gently in for a hug. “Are you trying to give your old man a heart attack or something?” Rhylee started to laugh and then grabbed her side once again. “Please Jonny...” She weakly hit him on his arm, “What was going on in there? Kaidan was…” “Not himself” Jonathan interrupted, “I assume that’s why you’re here. The Doc saw you?” Rhylee paused, “You all know something is wrong and only Karin has the guts to tell me. You…” Rhylee paused, “You and Mum don’t even tell me you’re on board!” Jonathan shook his head, “Look I’m sorry. It’s complicated. It’s time for the Amokura is move sectors again. Every six months or so, the Captain and others meet and decide how best to get there. The Vallhallan Threshold is up next. So...” Rhylee sighed, “So, everyone… so Kaidan is worried. I assume missing out on one of the sectors isn’t an option?” Jonathan shook his head, “Nope, and nor is it an easy option to send it in. But your old man’s idea was a good one, jump to the Hourglass Nebula first, sort out Vallhallan and then go on force to scan it.” 

Rhylee pulled on his arm as she indicated that they needed to slow down for a bit. “How is Mum and the Orizaba?” She asked changing the subject. Jonathan smiled as he paused mid step. “No, no, no... You answer first. How are you, really?” Rhylee smiled weakly, “Until an hour ago, I thought everything was fine. Now… now I know something is really wrong with Kaidan.” She stumbled on his name. Her shoulders dropped, and a darkness flitted across her eyes. ,”He’s not well, another migraine, something else. I don’t know, whatever it is he won’t get treatment for it.“ Rhylee paused mid-sentence and leaned on the wall for support. “Let me!” Jonathan said supporting her arm and her weight for a few moments. Rhylee looked up and smiled. “The Doc said he’s not seen her for two days, even though she’s requested it. She asked me to come and see him. Before she uses the medical code to force him. I agreed to try, but I didn’t know you and Mum were here.” Her brow furrowed, “and why on Earth has he let the Asmodeus on board? He’s acting like nothing happened, that... well... He seems oblivious, which...” Jonathan placed his hand on her shoulder, “he doesn’t know, no one told him.” Rhylee stopped and pushed Jonathan away. “What do you mean, he doesn’t know?” Jonathan huffed as he drew in a deep breath. “Considering what he did on Horizon... we all...” Jonathan stopped and sighed, “Dad was the only one that talked to him after that.” Rhylee stared at him amazed. “None of you told him?” Jonathan shook his head. “Nope, and now that we’re all sorted, he still doesn’t know...” Jonathan froze mid-sentence, “what don’t I know?” Kaidan stood at the end of the corridor, the corner of his eyes hinting how much he was holding back at that moment. “What is going on Rhy?” Jonathan stepped towards him, “Seriously There’s nothing Sir” Jonathan replied. Blanking him a Kaidan continued, “Why the fuck are you out of bed?” His eyes burned into her as Rhylee stared back speechless. “Talk to me Rhy, why are you with him?!” Kaidan pointed at Jonathan, he lowered his head as if shaking a thought from his mind. “Why are you talking about Horizon? Rhylee why aren’t you in bed?” Kaidan stepped forward, rubbing his temple as he moved forward. “Rhylee, why are you with him?! Answer me!!” Kaidan shouted, his biotics building at the tips of his fingers. Jonathan stepped in front of Rhylee, his hand defensively around her, “What the fuck Alenko?” Kaidan stepped backwards fear and confusion lacing his looks. “Kaidan, your biotics are up.” Kaidan looked at them both. Sparks of biotic power laced his fingertips. Surprise, confusion, followed by sheer panic flashed across his face on quick succession, the realisation difficult to fathom. “Alenko, stop! Rhy is weak at the moment. Please...” Jonathan held out his arm, his hand splayed out in front of him. A shimmer of ice forming on his fingertips. “Alenko. Please.” Kaidan rubbed his forehead. “I’m sorry, I can’t lose you Rhylee. My head...” he closed his eyes, and dropped to his knees. “Jonathan...” Kaidan said in a strained voice, “Please get her away from me... I don’t understand...” Kaidan stumbled on the next word, rubbing his head again, the glow of his biotics shimmered over his hands and whole body, as he looked down he gripped the back of his head and pulled down. The intense unrelenting pain consuming and overwhelming him. “Baby, look at me.” Rhylee bent down and placed her hand on his shoulder. “Please Kaidan, look at me.” Kaidan slowly looked up, his eyes blue, his skin crackling with power. Kaidan tried to focus on her face his mind racing with different words, “Kaidan, something’s really wrong...” she stroked the side of his face. “Please go see Karin, this isn’t right.” Kaidan nodded slowly as he succumbed the pain in his head.


	27. The decision

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rhylee has a decision to make.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can not believe i left this with Kaidan collapsed - I'm so sorry. I got a job this year and so haven't had much time to write. In this chapter, Rhylee finds out about Kaidan. Thank you for the Kudos.

“I’ve sedated him for the moment.” Karin said perching on the end of the bed. “We need to head back to the Citadel and Huerta. I’ve spoken with the System Admiral, he’ll rendezvous with us at Titan and escort us there.” Karin said turning to look at Hannah whose expression exemplified the feeling in the room. “I’m not sure how much longer he...” Karin continued, turning to Rhylee. “I am so sorry Major...” Rhylee bit her bottom lip, interrupting Karin mid-sentence “Is there no other option?” Karin shook her head. “No. I wish there was... The tests were conclusive, we need to remove the L2s before they damage him anymore.” A small sob left Rhylee’s lips. “He wouldn’t want thiat. He always said the L2s must remain. We need him… tomorrow we need to go sweep the Threshold...” Rhylee turned to her mother expecting confirmation, but instead only felt the knife in her chest dig deeper.

Karin shook her head, “That can wait. Steven will coordinate that.” She shuffled up the bed and took hold of Rhylee’s hand. “I don’t think you fully understand what the test results mean.” She turned over Rhylee’s hand and stroked the back of it, “Rhylee...” she paused as she swallowed the lump in her throat, “the tests show.... they show that unless we remove the old implants… all of them, Kaidan will only have a few weeks.” 

Rhylee shook her head. “He wants us to protect the Amokura. We need to follow his orders.” Karin shook her head, “No. The Asmodeus will escort the Amokura to the Hourglass Nebula, and wait there for us. If we do not operate on the Admiral in the next 24 hours, he...” Karin stifled a sob, “Rhylee... he won’t survive.” Karin paused as she waited a Rhylee’s reaction. “Do you understand what I am saying Rhylee?” Karin looked across at Hannah despair on her face, she turned back to Rhylee and took a deep breath. “If we don’t remove them, he’ll be gone forever.” Karin said unable to say the finite words Rhylee needed to hear.

“No... I don’t think that’s right, he’ll be fine. Mum?” Rhylee said bluntly, “what do you think?” Rhylee optimistically turned to look at Hannah as she sat cuddling David. “I... I think you need to listen to Karin my dear.” He features remaining somber as she caught Rhylee’s eye. “Rhy... you do understand don’t you. You know what will happen if we don’t get to the Citadel in time?” Rhylee looked between the two older women in the room. Frowning she continued to look between them. “You’ve told me Kaidan is unwell, but in some time he’ll be ok. That’s why he’s not here.” Hannah moisten her Lisa and carefully placed David back into his crib. “Baby, that’s not true. Kaidan is in med bay, in a coma, sedated and... and in stasis until you decide what needs to be done. He’s not going to get better on his own...” Hannah sat on the bed the other side from Karin. “As I understand it... “she continued, “Without the L2s being removed, Kaidan will only have weeks left. Ultimately, they will kill him.” 

Shock masked Rhylee’s face, which quickly gave way to confusion. “No!” She said frantically shaking her head. “No! He promised he wouldn’t leave. I don’t understand...” Hannah grabbed Rhylee into a full body hug,, “My darling. He would never leave you. Not by choice” Hannah said quickly, “Never, but he has no choice this time. It’s not his decision.” She stood suddenly and stepped away from Rhylee, the emotions too raw and exposed. “Your father was the same, I wish... I wish he... we had more time.” Hannah paused and booed over David in his crib.

“My grandson, this little one.” She let him grab her finger, “He needs his Daddy.” Hannah cooed at David as he gurgled away contently in his crib. “This one deserves to have more time with him.” Hannah wiped her nose and decomposed herself. “It’s your choice darling, but as I understand it. You don’t have long to decide.” Rhylee pulled her knees up towards her, winching as the pain shot through her side. Staring at David, the tears began to fall.

The realisation of the situation didn’t hit her hard and in one go, it was the silence that followed her mother’s words, the slow painfully drawn out silence that allowed the true to encroach her thought. Rhylee could feel the cloak drape over her shoulders clouding her judgement and impairing her thoughts. Karin stared silently at Rhylee. “You need to make a decision. You’re his next of kin.” Karin took in a deep breath, “He’s no longer fit to decide for himself.” Rhylee began to rock back and forth, shaking her head. “I can’t do this.” A quite sob left her lips, shaking her head she continued, “It’s too much!” Pushing up off the bed Rhylee stood looking between the anguished faces of the two wise women. “I can’t!”

“Seriously, he was fine three days ago!” Rhylee shouted, her hands gesturing into the air and hitting her chest. “It was always supposed to be me...” she sobbed. “I was the one who risked it all, I was the one who wasn’t coming back. Me! Not him!” She crumpled to the floor crying. “Kaidan...” she sobbed as she pulled her legs painfully into a ball, “he’s the one who always survives. Not me. I’m the one who’s not meant to be here! Me!” She hit herself again, “Me! Not him! He’s meant to be fine.” Rhylee said slumping down into a heap beside the bed. She drew in a deep breath and turned to look at David her arm raised pointing at him, “He’s three days old! By the Goddess what am I going to do?” Rhylee looked between the two silent faces grimly staring at her. 

Tears fell as the realisation hit her, the empty consuming pain he her chest dominated her thoughts. She drew in a deep breath, trying anything to ease its grip. Hitting herself repeatedly in her chest, Rhylee recited his name over and over. Suddenly she stopped and stared at Karin sat on the bed above her. “Kaidan’s not alright, is he?” Rhylee managed to ask. Karin somberly shook her head in response. “No. He’s not fine...” She bit her lip trying to prolong the next few words, “and he won’t be while the L2s remain in place.” Rhylee let a loud sob leave her chest. “He doesn’t want them gone, what if...” Her hand flew up to cover her mouth as another loud sob left her. “What if he’s not him anymore… what if…” 

Karin looked at Hannah and indicated the door and nodded. Silently Hannah opened the door and Steve stepped forward taking in the room. A gasped left his mouth. “Oh Rhy!” He said slumping down next to her. He lend over and pulled her into his embrace. “I am so sorry Rhy!” He said pulling her in closer for a hug, his arms shaking as Rhylee’s tears drenched his tunic. “What do I do?” Rhylee said into his chest.

“I don’t know.” Steve said pulling her in closer, making his grip on her tighter, trying to stop the world falling apart around her. “But...” He said looking up at Karin, who nodded back. “As I understand it... You only have two choices... I wish there was another, but...” Steve kissed the top of his best friend’s head, “You need to choose Rhy- Leave the L2s in and try and make something of the time you have left, or risk changing him and remove them. The only certainty we have is there is no other option, no time left to find an alternative... and... and you’re the one who can make this decision.” Rhylee’s bottom lip quivered as she looked up at Steve, trying not to think of the implications. 

Rhylee closed her eyes and watched as images of Kaidan flashed through her mind, biting her bottom lip until she drew blood. A gentle calloused thumb pulled her bottom lip out from under her teeth. “You don’t need to do that...” she opened her eyes and stared at Steve. He lent forward and kissed her forehead, “You know what the right thing to do is.” Rhylee half nodded and turned to Karin. “I can’t lose him.” Rhylee whispered, the pain in her chest pulling her further down. “Do it, replace the L2s. Get the best people together. Please Karin do everything you can to save him!”


	28. Waiting

Steve passed another hot cup of sugary tea to Rhylee. She hadn’t left the chair in over 18 hours as she continued to wait for news on the success of Kaidan’s operation. “Rhy...” He leaned forward. “Do you want me to take David back to your apartment?” Steve asked as he wrapped Rhylee’s hand around the cup. She looked towards the bassinet a few feet away. “I... I don’t know.” She said shaking her head. “I want him here, but hospitals are full of sick people... I don’t want him...” She covered her mouth, stifling the sob. Steve pulled her in for a hug and held her tightly as for about the hundredth time today she silently sobbed into his chest. “He will be fine...” Steve said cupping her face and staring at her, “you don’t get to go through what you two did without getting the happy ever after.” 

Steve slowly sat down on the chair next to her, hugging her as she continued to cry. “I shouldn’t be crying like this. I should be stronger. I’m not pregnant anymore. Why am I crying so much!?” Steve laughed as she continued to moan about the downsides of her pregnancy. He pulled back, holding Rhylee at arm’s length. “That’s a point. Why haven’t we seen any of his biotics yet?” Steve asked as Rhylee sat back in her chair. She frowned and wiped her eyes and nose. “ I don’t know, now you’ve come to mention it. He’s done nothing since he was born. No frozen fingers, boobs or noses.” Her tone curious as the thought of her biotic bomb baby not freezing anything in the last few days.

Rhylee got up and walked over to David and picked him up out of the bassinet. “Steve...” Cortez looked up as she called his name, “Yes?” Rhylee gave him a weak smile. “I wanted to do this in a better situation and with Kaidan, but...” she stopped herself from crying once again. “Steve, will you be one of his watchers at his naming ceremony?” Steve stared at her, David asleep in her arms. “Are you sure you mean me?” Steve asked timidly. “Yes... there is no one I would trust more with my child than you. You have kept...” Rhylee paused as she tried to find the words. “Steve, please just say yes.” Steve nodded and a huge smile crossed his face. “It would be an honour. Thank you.” Rhylee cracked a smile, the first in two days. Turning back to place David in the bassinet she paused as she watched Garrus walk up the corridor towards them. 

“There’s no more news, not since the last time we spoke.” Garrus said as he came into the room reading Rhylee’s expression. He cooed at David as he passed and sat down next to Steve. “Major...” Steve said more formally in the presence of other officers from the Normandy, “let me take the little guy out for some fresh air. You and Garrus catch up. Have some time to yourselves.” Steve said holding his arms out for David. Rhylee watched in amazement as David turned his head towards Steve and held his arms up in response. “Did he just?” Rhylee asked shaking her head. “No... I don’t think so.” Steve replied pick him up and pulling David into his chest. “He’s what 5, 6 days old. No...no.” Rhylee said pushing the image to the back of her mind. “I’ll take him for a walk along the Presidium. I won’t take him far.” Steve said as he tucked David tightly up in the swaddling wrap tight against his chest. “No harm will come to him, I promise.” Rhylee placed her hand on his shoulder, “Thanks Steve.” She managed to say a few seconds later.

Garrus and Rhylee sat in silence as they watched out the window. Steve walking proudly along with David in his swaddling wrap. “He loves that kid as his own you know.” Rhylee stifled a laugh, “I know... these last few days... no months I’m not sure what would have done without him... and you.” Rhylee said a shy smile, lifting the corners of her lips. “Shepard... can I ask you something?” He continued. Rhylee turned and looked at him, confusion encroaching her mind, “of course, what’s bothering you?” Garrus clicked his mandibles and stared out the window. “Did you ever talk to Kaidan about Horizon?” Rhylee shook her head, “No... I didn’t think there was was any benefit in bringing it up.” Garrus placed his hand on the window, “and the Asmodeus does he know about...” Rhylee stood, “Why of all the questions Garrus? You’ve been talking to Jonny haven’t you? What’s up?” Garrus leaned on the window. “Do you know how hard it is at times, watching him get the recognition and you...” Rhylee sighed, “And me in the background, being passed over?” Garrus hit the window, “Yes! And he has no idea what you did for him... how much was sacrificed.” Rhylee walked over to Garrus placing her hand on his chest, “wouldn’t you have done the same for Tali if it was needed?” Garrus relaxed into her hand as if a balloon in his chest deflated. “Yes... yes I would.” Rhylee looked up and smiled, “No matter what, I will always chose him. You know that.” Garrus stepped forward and pulled Rhylee in for a hug. “It’s just...” he continued, “The truth always has a way of coming out... I just want you... us to control it. That’s all.”

Twenty minutes later, Garrus suddenly stood, “Do you want some more tea?” He asked, Rhylee shook her head, “Who was...” she stopped. The door opened and a young Turian Doctor walked in. Rhylee and Garrus stared in silence as he walked across the room and stood in front of Rhylee. “Everything went well.” He paused as Rhylee stepped backwards, Garrus stepping behind to supporting her. 

“Please continue Doctor.” He said nodding. “We removed the L2 implants, it wasn’t easy but it was successful. “ The doctor indicated the chair behind and they all sat down. Leaning forward he took in a deep breath. “There was... some extensive damage done. It was mainly confined to the frontal cortex.” Rhylee turned and looked at Garrus, concern etching into her face. “Is... is he ok?” She asked. The doctor nodded, “I’m pleased to say we were able to reconstruct the missing tissue, and repair the damage.” Garrus lent forward, “How was that possible?”

The Doctor looked at them confused. “I thought you asked her, Ms Lawson’s help was vital. She allowed us to have the reconstruction device used on yourself Major. The equipment we have access to now, it’s incredible.” Rhylee let out the breath she was holding. “We have had to insert some cybernetics to ensure he continues to function fully. To be honest they are not much unlike yours Major.” He paused as Rhylee frowned at him. “Is it still him? My Kaidan?” The Doctor nodded, “We won’t know until he asked up, but all indications are... Yes Major Alenko, the Admiral is all yours and is fine.”


End file.
